(Closed) MOH can’t attend rehearsal/dinner?!

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

One of our groomsmen won’t be at the rehearsal, and to be completely honest, I don’t think it’s a huge deal. The rehearsal is mainly to ensure that you know the basics of how it’s going to go – all your MOH really has to do is walk down the aisle, so it’s not vital for her to be there. I definitely understand that it’s really sad that she’ll be missing out, but I don’t think it’s worth kicking her out over.

Post # 4
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

If the flight has been booked–I don’t know how much leeway she can get with changing her flight time.  You could ask her to try but ultimately, if she can’t, well then she can’t.  Another option is to do the rehearsal sans MOH.  No offense, but not having her there IMO isn’t a huge deal.  Yes, liasoning with her would be great and knowing where she needs to stand would be ideal.  However, I think going ahead with it would also be fine.

I definitely would not tell her to back down, but I also would keep sending her emails and calling her about sending a check for the cost of the dress.

Post # 6
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

I think grad school is a bit different than undergrad, so missing class is a bit more difficult.  I think it sucks that she didn’t even think about the rehearsal prior to booking the flight.  Also, I can understand using a free flight if she’s poor–grad students don’t make much money (although if she’s eligible for a free flight from frequent flying, then I’m sure she has a bit more money).

Post # 7
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I think you are making a big deal out of nothing. Grad school is a lot different than high school or even undergrad, I wouldn’t want to miss any classes. Even my undergrad we had very strict attendance policies. This is what will start her career, not just some silly college class.

I also don’t think having her at the rehearsal is a necessity. I’ve been at many rehearsals and was pretty bored at all them. Once you’ve walked down the aisle once as a BM it’s not hard to remember what to do later.

And technically you didn’t give her the MOH title, you gave it to your sister. By the way, 17 years old is not too young to help with wedding duties other than a bachelorette party. If you really wanted your super best friend to be at everything you should have made her your MOH.

So just be really happy to see her when she finally does get there, and enjoy every minute you have with her.

Post # 10
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

I really don’t think it’s fair to assume she’s not interested in your wedding just because she won’t skip class for the rehearsal. I’m sure she’s extremely happy for you and excited for your wedding, but grad school is extremely important, and going to class may be important to her (which is a good thing!). The rehearsal really isn’t a huge deal, and you she won’t be missing anything vitally important – you can fill her in on what happened once she gets there!

Post # 11
Member
1033 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think the important thing here is that she is flying cross country to be with you on your big day. I say count your blessings and be greatful that she (your best friend ever) will be there for you.

Post # 13
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I think you should have made her your MOH if it was this important for her to attend all functions. I was 20 when my sister got married, plenty old enough to be MOH, but she had her best friend be MOH. At first my feelings were a little hurt but then I got over it because she felt closer to her best friend.

I wouldn’t feel like I could make a big deal out of a BM (which is what she actually is) not coming to rehearsal if I didn’t feel like she was important enough to get the official MOH title in the first place.

Post # 14
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

My now-husband and I got married a week ago today.  He has two brothers – one drove 10+ hours to make it to our rehearsal and wedding and was his best man.  The one brother literally just didn’t show up to the rehearsal and he lives 1/2 hour away.  He didn’t even bother to call and say why.  My FI decided that his best friend would be in the wedding party after the rehearsal instead of his brother because he was so unreliable (keep in mind that it was just him BM and 1 GM and his best friend wasn’t even at the rehearsal due to family responsibilities that we knew about ahead of time).  The next day my then FI contacted his brother (after other family members called him) to remind him that pictures started at 2pm sharp and to arrive at 1:30.  He showed up at 5pm with no apology at all.  Things happen – you move on.  We had a great wedding.

 

I don’t think her not being at the rehearsal is a huge deal.  At least you know in advance.  We had a complicated wedding ceremony – there was a double staircase involved in the wedding ceremony for the entrance, etc. but his best friend figured it out without any issues.

Post # 15
Member
546 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

We had a bridesmaid and our best man miss our rehearsal/rehearsal dinner.  They both had work commitments they couldn’t get out of.  I was bummed at first, got over it, and they did just fine on the wedding day.  

Don’t stress about it, rehearsal was really more important for my groom and I so we knew when to move where.

 

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