Post # 1
My MOH, a wonderful woman and friend, has no clue what to do as a MOH, and I don’t know how to tell her! She’s 15 years older than I am, never married, a busy single mom on a limited income, so I completely understand if she doesn’t know MOH “duties” or lacks the time and resources to find out, but I’m finding myself in a strange predicament, other bridesmaids and family members are taking on more responsibilties, and people are starting to wonder what’s going on, i.e. no bachelorette party has been mentioned yet and I’m getting married in 8 weeks.
The issue is, she just doesn’t know what common MOH resposibilities are, and I’m just too afraid to say anything for fear of hurting her feelings and/or seeming like an ingreat or bridezilla. Does anyone have any ideas or suggestions? This is really making me anxious!
Post # 3
You should talk to her and let her know what you are expecting from her. There is nothing wrong with that. However you should keep your expectations based on her income and availability to be fair to her. If she has accepted the role of MOH, she should accept certain responsibilities that come with that role. If you feel uncomfortable about telling her, get your bridesmaids involved. Put them in touch with one another. Have one bridesmaids casually ask her about her plans for your bachelorette party.
I remember my first experience as a MOH, I had no idea what to do either. I heard through the grapevine that the bride was getting mad at me for not being “involved” enough. I finally ask her to give me a list of responsibilities and it was smooth sailing from that point. So don’t hold it against her if she doesn’t know what to do. Just have an honest discussion with her.
Good luck in your planning!!!
Post # 4
@goodgenie: Were your feelings hurt when you found out the bride was upset you didn’t know about your “responsibilities?”
Another issue is: My shower is is being held in my hometown, 2 hours away and because my MOH is on such a limited income and work schedule -even though she had several weeks notice- she cannot attend. My other BM, who can come, has decided to go ahead and try to arrange a bachelorette party the night of the shower. Therefore, there really won’t be an opportunity for my BMs to really talk unless one were to call another for the sole purpose to tell her she’s out of the loop :-(. In addition, my BMs have only met once at the engagement party and my MOH doesn’t have internet or email, so there’s no subtle way to hint around nicely in an email message, etc.
Post # 5
I wasn’t hurt, just confused. Since I wasnt familiar with being MOH (which I had told her), I expected her to tell me what to do. However, she expected me to take the initiative to do things for her.
You should let her know that your bachelorette will be the same night as your shower. Also let her know that you are aware of her financial situation but you would really appreciate if she could be part of it. And see how you can help her to be part of the event.
Also, you should make a list of the things you would want her to assist you with and then talk to her about that. If I understand you correctly, it’s more an issue of her not knowing how to help you rather than her not wanting too. You can make a list of all the last minute planning that still needs to be done, sit down to discuss it with her and give her the opportunity to be involved. You might be surprised.