MOH Drama

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
411 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I think having a prgenant MOH is fine … if both parties are fine with it. I personally don’t have a problem with it. But considering her past, I’m surprised she hasn’t slowed down and thought about it. 

You said that her husband is your FH GM? Maybe see if they can have a chat to one another and see what your MOH husband’s view on the whole thing is. Men aren’t as daft as they seem sometimes (haha!) and he’ll be able to gauge her feelings and what’s best for her/them/you. 

However, maybe you just need to have a good heart to heart with her? My friends have all suffered from baby brain/heightened emotions and when you chat to them in one of their more “rational” moments, they apologise, cry and say it won’t happen again. I’d hate for your relationship to fall apart because of a difference of opinions. 

Post # 4
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@BearsFan0719:  There’s a chance one of my bridesmaids will be pregnant by the time my wedding rolls around, as she and her husband want a big family, are in their early 30’s and are starting their family by TTC. I’m just going to roll with it because fertility doesn’t last forever. Plus I think baby bumps are cute! 

Your MOH is probably hormonal, given everything that’s happened medically, and hurt, since she may feel like you were talking about her behind her back (not that you are, but she may have interpreted your conversation with other BM/GM that way) since she wasn’t there. If she’s lashing out at you, that isn’t fair and it’s not your fault. 

I would just only discuss the possible pregnancy situation with her moving forward so you don’t open yourself up to the drama.

Also, if you want to go to a bar for your bachelorette, talk to your other BMs about it. Maybe you can go back after she goes to bed, since pregnant ladies need their sleep! It will be sad she’s not comfortable in a bar while pregnant – it’s her body, her child and her choice, but you shouldn’t have to give up your idea of a special fun girls’ night because she’s pregnant. 

(Though I might be weird on that point – a good friend of mine complained when I wanted to eat things she couldn’t, because she was pregnant – think sushi, brie, deli meat, etc. even though I wasn’t pregnant. I acquiesced to her wishes to keep the peace, and the result is that I no longer hang out with her when she’s pregnant. I don’t like it when people impose themselves on me – it should be mutual.)

Post # 6
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@BearsFan0719:  You sound like you mean well, and I hope she understands that. Crossing my fingers that this situation gets resolved with minimal stress. 

I hope if something else is going on, she lets you know. You’re good friends for a reason, and I hope she remembers that! (hugs)

Post # 7
Member
6960 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@BearsFan0719:  considering the miscarriage I would be worried about her too! That said, you should not have talked to your other friends about her or your concerns at all. She is obviously in an emotional place and both the miscarriage and TTC are very personal things. It would hurt to hear someone talking about it, even if I were close to both parties. You should apologize for duscussing it and then drop the subject completely. If she is hugely pregnant and uncomfortable she won’t stand up during the ceremony. In the grand scheme of things that is no big deal. Trust her to make her own decisions and if she feels more supported her attitude will probably be better as well. 

Post # 8
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2014

The possible MOH doesn’t even sound like someone you should have as your closest helper on  your wedding day. She can’t even respond to you with a real answer? Or call you about it? She sounds immature to me. I know exactly where you are coming from, it isn’t about appearances. I think you already may have had some doubts about a personality clash, and this could be the sign that you needed in order to pick someone else. However, if you feel like your relationship with her is tight enough, have a heart to heart and buy her lunch. 🙂

Post # 9
Member
5192 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Honestly, I think you were out of line here.  She isn’t even pregnant yet and you’ve been on her about being pregnant at the wedding.  Getting pregnant after a miscarriage is a big deal and not something that you can expect her to plan around your wedding.

I suggest you backtrack.  Focus on being a supportive friend first and a bride second.  If an when she actually does get pregnant, deal with it then.  If she is not going to be able to be in the wedding due to being too far along in her pregnancy, cross that bridge when you get there.

Post # 10
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I think you meant to her “I don’t want you to risk your health to be my MOH” but she heard “I don’t want a pregnant MOH.” Sadly, without knowing her and only hearing your side of the story she sounds very childish. I think a good honest face to face with her to clear the air is in order. Mention her snide comments and how they make you feel. Ask her if you have offended her in anyway. 

 

Also, never mention drama to a neutral friend. They probably took their opinions about it and twisted it. 

Post # 11
Member
42453 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@BearsFan0719:   is it safe for her to be on her feet all day, 7 mos pregnant, in the middle of the summer in the midwest heat?

The only time she HAS to be on her feet is when she is walking down the aisle. You could provide a chair for her to sit during the ceremony or she could sit in the first pew.

Um, if they were trying to be respectful of us, wouldnt they wait until like Mar/Apr so she wouldn’t be huge and miserable at the wedding?

Her family planning has nothing to do with being respectful of you.
 
I think your concerns about her being hugely pregnant in your wedding may be coming across to her as being more concerned about your pics than her health. If you want her as your MOH I suggest you stop talking about any pregnancy related to your wedding, both with her or anyone else.

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