MOH drama

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
497 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Sounds like she is super jealous that you’re getting married and that she desperately wants to be the bride. Unfortuntely, this will probably not change. You could try talking to her about it, and explaining that her turn is coming, but right now it’s your wedding. Personally, I would just stop expecting and asking her to do stuff because its just going to lead to disappointment when she doesn’t deliver. Try to have fun with your other maids and don’t let it get you down.

Post # 5
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I would find a new MOH to be honest. 

Post # 6
Member
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Can you just not talk to her about the wedding?  Just distance yourself from her and don’t expect a whole lot.  Give the BM you’ve become close to an extra thank you the day of.  And you really don’t sound like a brat, she does.

 

Post # 7
Member
1613 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@leahlou:  I honestly would have a serious talk with her about how her attitude sucks. I woudl nip this quick because you do not want her ruining thinigs on your wedding day. I could see her saying something mean the day of.

Maybe you could make the other BM co-MOH? If anything SHE could stand beside you at the wedding and it might make your friend step down??

Post # 8
Member
1626 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

So are you saying she’s not engaged yet? Like she’s planning to get engaged in 2 years? I am sort of hazy on the details (I couldn’t follow, sorry).

Yuck. I don’t really know what to tell you except to distance yourself from her and try to include her less on the plans.

 

Post # 9
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Sounds like a toxic friend to me. Weddings bring out the truth in friendships (I speak from personal experience), and honestly yours sounds one-sided, i.e., all about her. I lost a couple of “friends” early in the planning process, but my life and planning experience became so much less stressful after they were gone. I’m not saying you should ditch your friend all together, but it may be mutually beneficial if she stepped down as MOH. Wedding planning should be a plesant experience, and you’re right-it’s your one chance to have all the attention on you. I’m not one to enjoy the spotlight either, but you should be basking in the joy of getting married, not stressing out about bridesmaids.

Here are my suggestions, for what they’re worth: I really, really don’t like confrontations and drama, so, a) the most non-confrontational thing you can do is distance yourself and not ask her to do anything else for your wedding (just have her show up the day of!) but rather have your mom, fiance, and other bridesmaids help out (on the DL of course); b) you could suggest that you have been doing a lot of thinking and though you appreciate all her help, you would like to go the non-traditional route of not making distinctions among your bridesmaids (i.e., everyone is a bridesmaid and there is no MOH) because you love all your friends and don’t want anyone to feel slighted or left out. Even better if your fiance would agree not to have a best man – then it would be equal.

There is of course option c) and if you have the courage and are truly fed up with her behavior, tell her upfront how you feel and that you’d like to ask her to step down as MOH. She will react and try to put the blame on you, most likely, but don’t give in and hold your ground.

In the end, the question to really ask oneself is – this person is going to be in my wedding pictures forever, but are they going to be in my life 10 years from now? If the answer is “no,” well, then you have your answer.

Good luck…having been in a comparable situation, I really appreciate what you’re going through. Don’t compromise your principles and do everything you can to make sure this is a joyous occasion. No one has the right to make you stressed out like this, especially someone you consider a friend.

Post # 10
Member
3424 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

It sounds like you need to have it out with her. Pull off the bandaid and set her straight. It will probably lead to a fight and a big falling out….but for real girl, with friends like that, who needs enemies.

Post # 11
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

You may have been through a lot in the past – but its over. No one who dissed my daughter would ever be my MOH no matter how much she apologized. Tell her goodbye and get on with your life, she’s NEVER going to be happy unless she outdoes you. That speaks volumes – Why even bother?

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