Post # 1
My older sister was really excited when I got engaged. She’s quite opininated and forceful with her ideas, so I was a bit worried about as an MOH, but thought it might hurt her feelings if I didn’t ask her. I also wasn’t sure if she would be interested in taking on so much planning (bridal shower, etc.). She has kids and had already told me that she wouldn’t be able to do much. Although I hadn’t asked her to be part of the bridal party, she did mention that she should be my Matron of Honor with a MOH to do more of the leg work in a previous conversation. I just let it slide since I felt it was a bit rude to suggest in the first place and I was not prepared with a response.
After much thought, my FI and I were thinking that it would best just to have everybody (4 girls) just be BMs without a MOH. Today, I asked my sister to be a BM and she said “We already decided this. I’m your matron of honor, who is the MOH?”. I felt bad but explained our decision and she said it was fine, but I feel really bad and now I’m not sure how to go forward? I think because I let the comment slide without really addressing it in the past, it created some confusion.
In the same conversation, I was also a bit thrown off because asked what special role her children would have at the wedding. I had been thinking abou it, but my FI and I have a lot of nieces/nephews and we’d like to have each play a special role, but are still trying to figure this out and really were not ready to commit to anything! I have no idea how to respond without upsetting anybody. Is it normal to expect this?
Post # 3
@sj8082: NOPE do not sweat it. She’ll be fine, even more so because she’s related. Ive got a guy pal who is talking all the shit just b.c he isn’t involved in the party though we aren’t close anymore. You dont have to give any amount of justification for your choices. Their immaturity is so not your prob. It also helps that in this sitch you aren’t replacing her..you simply aren’t having that particular title
This to me is the equvialent of saying, “oh, I’m getting married,” to the general public and then getting chewed out because you didn’t invite second cousin so and so even though oh dear lord she knows youre getting married you rude,rude lady!!!
Post # 4
@sj8082: It is very presumptious of her to assume her children will be in the wedding. You have every right to not have children in the wedding and to not have them at the reception.
So she wants to me Matron of Honor but not have the duties that go along with it (that do vary by bride). Does she know she is to help with your bridal shower?
I would nicely tell her that because you do not want anyone to feel slighted you will have no “honors” and everyone will be Bridesmaids. That way it will be no pressure. If she throws a fit let her. It’s just a title that carries no real responsibility.
Post # 5
Seems like you are handling this all very well. I think not naming an MOH in your case is a great decision, that way no pressure for someone to have that title! As long as you stand your ground in your decisions and remain firm with her I think you will do great! I made the mistake of jumping to name someone MOH and am now absolutely kicking myself. Her damands do seem quite pushy, so I think telling her to back off and that it is your day (in a much, much poliiter way) should do the trick, and if not, growing up on her end is definitely in order.