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Yeesh! I don't think you're being silly, I would be uncomfortable too. Her motives may not be that she wants to upstage you though--she might just be excited about being your MOH and wants to look her best? If the dress hasn't been made yet perhaps you could say that you think the dress sounds gorgeous and she'll look stunning in it but you're not sure it's really going to fit into the rest of the vibe of the wedding.
It sounds like an amazing dress. Your FSIL seems to have taken your indication that she should just come up with any dress she likes in the right color and length, and run with it. There is nothing wrong with her wanting a dress that she looks fantastic in and that she will love wearing again after the wedding, but as a bridesmaid, she should make an effort to dress in a manner appropriate to the venue and your wishes. I would tell her how smashing you think she will look in the dress, but suggest that she ask the tailor to alter it slightly to become a little bit more modest. She can keep the stunning look of the dress without looking inappropriate by raising the "buttline" up a few inches to cover a bit more of her back at the bottom and around the sides. She should understand that it would look odd for her to be in such an eye-catching getup when you and the other bridesmaids will be dressed more modestly. Be sure to be supportive and polite, and apologize for not making your desires more clear earlier. I hope it isn't so far in the process that the tailor has started making the dress.
Girls don't usually need any evil motive to want a really nice and sexy dress. :)
But I don't think it's unreasonable for you to get to tell her what vibe you're for and to 'approve' her choice. I don't think fitted and back exposed are inapropriately sexy at all but I can see your point on beading and sparkliness if you dress doesn't have any. The important thing is that everyone is comfortable, you included!
I think it might be a bit late to do much about it unless you put your foot down and offer to pay for a new dress for her. If it's not too late to alter the design, let her know that you don't feel that the dress is appropriate and suggest that she change it in order to be more event-appropriate. I'm sure she just wants to look pretty and isn't trying to upstage you, but maybe she doesn't get the whole "modest bridesmaid" thing? No one likes a tacky looking bridesmaid, and as "hot" as the dress might look on her, slinky red satin with a plunging low back and beading just doesn't seem appropriate for a wedding.
Thankfully the dress hasn't been made yet, I'm just worried about offending her. I have shown her the type of dress I'll be wearing I don't have a pic of my actual dress yet and she said that we have different taste. Whatever that means.
Your wedding has nothing to do with her taste- it's all about your taste. I think you should tell her that the dress is stunning, but that you don't think it fits the overall theme of the wedding. I think the best way to go about it is to talk it over with her. Good luck!
Here's a pic of the front and the back it would be in a deep red.
I guess I am the only one who thinks you shouldn't say anything. Lol.. I think its fine. I mean no one can compare to a bride. I mean really, no one is going to really be looking at her. All their eye's will be on you. But if you really feel totally uncomfortable with the dress. I would say something, but I do think you might offend her a bit. But she is your MOH, right? So she should understand and be accepting. If you feel totally weird talking to her about it, ask your brother to. Maybe he will smooth it down better, and she won't be so offended. I say do whatever makes you feel the best! But I wouldn't worry about upstaging, no one could upstage a bride on her and her hubbies day!
I think the dress is too much to be honest with you! Even if I didn't care about how sexy my MOH looks I wouldn't pick something like that...
If you're uncomfortable I would say something. Just tell her you're going or a little it more modest look in your maids, or it's inappropriate for church.
I think the dress looks fine and fairly bridesmaidy. As long gowns go I don't think it's either too sexy or too formal and you did pick length.
What does your dress look like? And about how much will this dress cost her? No one wants to spend a lot of money on a dress that's not their taste but the bride does get some control over the look of the wedding...
just a suggestion, how about asking her to get a black shawl or coverlet (is that what its called) to cover her back with, as a MOH, that would be totally appropriate to have something to set her apart and that would cover up the back.
This is not my dress because I'm still waiting for a pic but it is similar.
And this is MY choice for the bridesmaids
Edited to add I think this is sexy enough with out being overly so.
oh dear.. I just saw the sketch. I wouldnt think its appropriate. looks like one for the oscars tho!
Id speak up now..for sure!
The front is pretty, but I don't think the back is appropriate at all! Have you mentioned anything about your opinion on it to her?
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I am letting my girls pick their own dresses in a floor length dark red and I'm starting to regret that. One of the girls is happy to wear a modest dress made of chiffon which matches my dress in it's simplicity and material but my MOH is getting her dress made and it's a very fitting slinky satin number with beading and detailing around a halter neck, the back scoops right down to above the knickers with fine crisscross straps and exposes the whole of her back.
It looks like a dress that a movie star would wear on the red carpet but she does have a super body so I'm sure she look hot in it but I'm not sure if she's trying to upstage me or what. She is a very stunning girl but I'm feeling very uncomfortable about her choice and don't know how to handle it. She's my future sister in law.
Am I being silly?