Post # 1
im the moh at my friend’s upcoming wedding and am throwing a shower for her. im absolutely thrilled to do it for her, and have spent a lot of time on it (making favours from scratch, etc.). i recently found out that her fiance’s family will also be throwing her a shower out-of-province (about a 4-hour drive in “perfect traffic” away – realistically about 4.5 hours each way). i assumed i wasn’t invited since i don’t know them and no one has made mention of it to me, but the hostess contacted me for my mailing address and it turns out that i am.
my husband and i already have some tentative plans with another couple that weekend, and since im throwing the bride her first shower locally with her family and friends, i really didn’t think i would be expected to attend this second shower. however, the bride just messaged me to say that i’m coming with her and they’ll pick me up on the way because she doesn’t want to go alone (she is going with her mother and fiance, she just wants me there, too).
i want to support her and celebrate with her, but i just can’t wrap my head around blowing off plans i’ve committed to for this 9-hour road-trip. at the same time, i don’t want to be a bad moh and disappoint her. if it makes a difference, i am the only bridesmaid and am independently throwing her a bridal shower and bachelorette this summer.
Post # 2
anonybee0810: I would not expect you to attend an out of province shower, especially given that you are already hosting another shower.
I do think however that you need to answer her right away. Just tell her that you are sorry but you already have other plans and wish her well.
Post # 3
The invite was probably mostly out of courtesy because it is a great distance away. Just let her know you can’t make it. No big deal.
Post # 4
- Wedding: October 2014 - Our Backyard/Steakhouse
anonybee0810: your only ‘requirement’ as Maid/Matron of Honor is to show up in the pretty dress at her wedding, sober. Beyond that, everything is gravy.
It’s wonderful of you to throw her a shower, that’s a gift from you to her but you are not REQUIRED to attend any pre-wedding events. I’m sure she would love if you were there, but would completely understand if you aren’t. It’s a long drive an you have already committed yourself to a shower on her behalf.
You get to have a life too 🙂
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
Just tell her you have plans that day, but are so looking forward to celebrating with her at the local shower. If she gets huffy about it she is in the wrong.
Post # 6
anonybee0810: You wouldn’t be a bad Maid/Matron of Honor at all! My MOH’s were put in a similiar situation…my family (on one side of the state) threw me a bridal shower, and then we had a bridal shower where we live for my friends and husbands family. My sister, who was one of my MOH’s put on my shower in norcal, but wasn’t able to make the so cal shower. It wasn’t a big deal..I completely understood. My cousin (other MOH) was able to make both showers, which was great to have her there…but she knew she didn’t have to and I wouldn’t be upset if she couldn’t make it. There are a lot of costs being involved in weddings, I’m sure she will understand if you can’t do both. 🙂
Post # 7
I wouldn’t expect my Maid/Matron of Honor to do that and would understand if she said no. That being said, I would only agree to be Maid/Matron of Honor for very close friends and therefore would be more willing to make a nine hour round trip for something like this. Personally, if my tentative plans could easily be rescheduled I would go to the shower.
Post # 8
anonybee0810: I don’t think you should be expected to go all that way. Tell her you have plans and sus out how she feels, if she seems really bummed about you not being there and you don’t want to upset her, then go, but really I don’t think you have to go (seeing as its SO far away!) and no one should think badly of you if you don’t. Throwing her other shower and being there for that is enough 🙂
Post # 9
anonybee0810: You absolutely don’t need to attend. Even if it was the only shower I’d say you didn’t need to attend, but since you’re already throwing a shower you’ve certainly done enough already. I wouldn’t expect my Maid/Matron of Honor to travel 4.5 hours for *anything* except the wedding.
If the trip was just the two of you, I’d see it as fun one-on-one time which you might consider attending (albeit with a rather boring bridal shower at the end). But with her mother and fiance in the car too? Eugh, no thanks!
Post # 10
Thanks, ladies. I do feel guilty/bad for not wanting to/being able to attend the second shower, since the bride is a long-time friend and I’m her only girl. If I hadn’t already made plans I’d seriously consider making the trek since I suspect she won’t take the news well, but the couple we’re planning on seeing are very close friends that we rarely get to see, so it’s important to both my husband and myself that we can spend time with them.
CurlyCue: This was definitely my inclination, that the invite was a courtesy-only, since I’m only just hearing about it now and have never met any of the bride’s future in-laws.
hazyleyedbeauty: Your story is funny, to me, because I’ve literally been coaching a co-worker/friend all week who is a bridesmaid in another wedding and is nervous to tell her bride that she can’t make a bachelorette 5 hours away, even though she already attended the local one. I told her exactly that: that I’m sure the bride appreciates that she attends whatever she can, but it shouldn’t be a huge deal that she can’t make it to every event strewn across the province.