MOH for sis but crazy drama, cheating, etc. can i still do it? ugh pls advise!

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
4959 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

chillinchillin:  This sounds like a disaster. I would stay out of the drama and let your sister do what she’s going to do. Most likely, this will end horribly, but there’s no point in pissing your sister off along the way and possibly ruining your relationship with her. 

For the speech, I would keep it short and simple. Talk about your relationship with her and wish them luck. I wouldn’t include any “you two are so great together” nonsense. 

Lets hope she comes to her senses before the wedding happens!! 

Post # 3
2385 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Good Lord, this sounds horrible for everyone involved! i’m so sorry it’s turning into such a mess for your parents! I would stay as far out of it as possible & let your sister do her thing. It sounds like anything you say or do otherwise may horribly damage your relationship. I can say it’s perfectly okay to give a speech focusing more on your relationship with your sis & following it up by wishing them luck. DH was the best man at his brothers wedding and was going to do a whole speech about how the B&G met & fell in love (really nothing he knows much about) and it turns out his brother had lied to him about how they met, so he had to abort the speech and it ended up being all about his brother instead of the both of them. But everyone still thought it was great! SO I’m in the less detail the better camp with speeches!

Post # 4
7281 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

I think I’d have to withdraw from being in the bridal party. I just couldn’t bring myself to publicly declare my support for a complete and uter sham. If you are really close and you think the relationship can handle it, you could sit her down, list out the 18 different reasons why this marriage is a bad idea, and encourage her pursue what will genuinely fulfill her rather than settle for what she has (and is clearly unsatisfied with) right now. If the relationship cannot handle that honesty, then tell her you love her very much, but unfortunately have other things going on and just can’t commit to her wedding the way a bridal party member should be able to commit. Do it with diplomacy and grace, and hopefully she won;t get too worked up about it. Yes, tongues will wag, but for me, that’s better then standing up for a lie.

Post # 5
1321 posts
Bumble bee

Your sister sounds like she and her SO are still very very immature and have not developed into a mature adult where the whole world is not about their own selfish needs.  It doesn’t matter how old they are, they are still stuck in the mentality of “me me me — what I need, what I want, what have I not gotten from my partner and why isn’t he/she making me happy” etc.

The best advice I can give you for people like this is to stay out of it and let them be.  Because both of them are very selfish and only concerned about their own needs, whatever advice you give then will fall on deaf ears. At the end of the day, this is your sister’s life and although she will have some VERY painful consequences she will have to reap from her behavior, she has every right to screw up her life as awfully as she wants.  The WORST thing you and your parents can do is to continue to enable her selfish immature behavior and choices in life by bailing her out financially, making it emotionally okay for her to use you when she needs someone and then completey ignore your feelings/thougs when things are going “well” between her and her SO.

Unfortunately, the money is your parents so they have every right to spend it as they wish. But if I were you, I would totally back-up your mother and try to convince your father to NOT give your sister anymore money until she and her SO can demonstrate to them that they got their sh*t together and can prove that they have what it takes to be responsible caring adults.  Until they meet those requirements, I would encourage your parents to totally cut her off of all financial support.  Giving her money might seem like the “right” thing to do since she’s their daughter, but you have to help your parents see that in reality, NOT holding her accountable for her behavior and choices in life is actually them taking the LAZY way out and them passive aggresively not trying to have to deal with your sister.

The bottomline is, your sister is acting like an entitled immature brat who is doing everything but taking accountability for her behavior and blaming her SO for not being attentive enough.  In my eyes, your sister and her SO are equal in their horrible behavior towards each other and to the rest of the family.

Post # 7
4959 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

chillinchillin:  I would totally let your parents know what’s going on. $10K is NO joke! However, I think it may be so upsetting to your sister if they suddenly take back the money – and may put your sister and her fiance in a really difficult financial situation as well, since the wedding is only 3 months away. 

Post # 9
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

weatherbug:  In as much as this is a disaster waiting to happen, it is your sister’s decision to marry whomever she wants. I know it is worrying but all you can do is advise her and try to give her some guidance. Apart from that, you can do nothing else but to support her in whatever way you can. 

Post # 10
3014 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

When you do that speech, don’t focus on the shit you haven’t seen with your own eyes. Think of some time you have seen the two if them be goofy and lovely together, and tell about that time, then say something like – “and if they are even half that loving for the rest of their lives, this will be a successful marriage. Welcome to the family, BIL.”

Post # 12
320 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

chillinchillin:  *Phew*! I was just catching up on this thread and thinking to myself what an utter trainwreck this whole thing sounds like; then when I saw your post I felt relieved. 

Post # 14
7025 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

chillinchillin:  Phew!

She can do what she wants with her life, but I’m glad you don’t need to be her MOH now.

Post # 15
7207 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

They both feed on drama. So dont be suprised if they call it back on, the question then becomes, what will you do?

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