MOH has been distancing herself…

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
8425 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@MichiganGirl24:  The only thing I expected my MOH and bridesmaid to do was show up and have fun at my wedding.  I think when you put certain expectations on people without clearly expressing those expectations ahead of time, it will inevitably cause tension.

Post # 5
Member
42510 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MichiganGirl24:  Are you fully aware of how it came to be that the 2 BM’s took over the planning of the shower and bachelorette party? Did they consult with the MOH? Maybe the MOH is feeling that they have usurped her role and there is nothing left for her to do?

Post # 6
Member
8425 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@MichiganGirl24:  Are you basing your choice of wedding party on the relationship you have with the person or the amount of work/effort they’re putting into your wedding?

Post # 9
Member
8425 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@MichiganGirl24:  If that’s the case, then maybe you could just make her a bridesmaid, especially considering how busy she is with her own wedding.  Maybe it’d be less pressure on her?  She might even appreciate the option of being able to step down a bit.

Post # 12
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@MichiganGirl24:  I’m thinking about having my fiance’s SIL sit with me during the shower and write down everyone’s names and what gift they gave- a role typically reserved for the MOH.


I am actually curious if this is true? I guess I always pick the person with the best handwriting. I don’t think this is going to hurt her that much. if she isn’t interested in planning, she probably won’t be interested in writing down the hoard of gifts you got for your shower.

Anyway, did it even occur to you that maybe the other two were the ones that kind of took over and your MOH stopped caring because other people were telling her how it was going to be? Maybe she didn’t have the opportunity to speak up as to how she felt about it. Perhaps the other two volunteered before your MOH had a chance, and now she feels sort of outed.

 

Post # 14
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@MichiganGirl24:  If that’s the case then I’d give her the option to step down if you feel the role may be too much for her. I guess, in my honest opinion, I didn’t expect a shower or bach party, so if my MOH hadn’t thrown one or my other BMs would have taken the reigns I wouldn’t have considered my MOH uninterested. But that’s just me, and since you feel as though she isn’t interested, I’d give her the option, but you do so risking the friendship.

Post # 16
Member
8425 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@MichiganGirl24:  I think you should just flat out ask her if she’s too busy to be your MOH, but give her the option.  It’s not that she’s any less important to you, but she is having to plan her own wedding, so maybe being a MOH is a bit too time consuming.  However, it really depends on the person she is.  I personally wouldn’t be offended if someone asked me to step down and I was busy, in fact I’d appreciate it.  If you feel that she would be hurt, maybe giving all the girls the same type of gift and leaving her as MOH might be your best option.  Best of luck.

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