MOH has bridal shower conflict… FI kinda took over?

posted 2 years ago in Parties
Post # 2
Member
2704 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

HeartsandSparkles:  Your FI is a sweetheart! I would feel so awkward him planning it, but you have to admire the love there! He wants you to have a perfect special day. So sweet.

As for your MOH (maid) it seems as though keeping it the way it was and her possibly missing it is your best option. It sucks, but it’s something she needs to figure out, not something you should figure out, and have everyone move for. That’s not fair, if the date was an issue it should have been addressed months ago. I would have it eariler, then she can leave if she needs to.

Post # 3
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

HeartsandSparkles:  I think that the best way for this to happen is for your MOH to go to her fiance’s family’s Yom Kippur and miss the shower in the city you live.

Saying that Yom Kippur happens every year, but your shower only happens once is like putting your shower over Easter or Christmas or Thanksgiving. Those happen every year, too.

It stinks that she won’t be at your shower in this case, but perhaps she could make an appearance at the beginning and then bow out when she needs to leave for her fiance’s family dinner?

It’s great that your fiance is helping so much!

Post # 4
Member
42522 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

HeartsandSparkles:  If the MOH and bridesmaids are  co-hosting, can the shower not go ahead as planned without her in the town where you live?

Or do the earlier time on the same day so she can still be involved? Can you provide overnight accomodation for the sister  and BM who have the longest travel?

It’s nice that your FI wants to help but he is walking a fine line etiquette-wise. He will be benefitting from the gifts given to you so it is inappropriate for him to be directly involved.

Post # 5
Member
2593 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I agree with Julies1949.  From an etiquette standpoint, your FI should NOT be involved in hosting the shower.  Although the point of a bridal shower is to “shower the BRIDE with gifts,” let’s be honest – the groom-to-be will be benefiting from those gifts as well.  Not quite as bad as throwing your OWN shower, but pretty close when you think about it.  

You have TWO MOHs and two other women who can pull this shower off.  They need to put their heads together and figure something out, and your FI needs to let them.  

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  Miss Apricot.
Post # 6
Member
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Please stop musing on your friend’s level of Jewishness or what kind of Jewish person she is. That is all irrelevant, and you claiming that she is not Jewish doesn’t change the fact that she has another obligation that is important to her partner. Her fiance is not obligated to remind her about a Jewish holy day three months in advance; she should have checked her schedule before committing to anything, the fault is hers. 

It sounds to me like you’ll have to change the date (which, while highly inconvenient, is possible given that you haven’t ordered invitations yet) or she’ll need to step down as co-hostess. It is not practical or kind to inconvenience all your other girls for the sake of one. The easiest solution, regardless of how emotionally painful, is to let you MOH off the hook here and enjoy your day with the girls who can make it. Two of my bridesmaids couldn’t make it to my shower and it wasn’t a big deal. 

Post # 8
Member
42522 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

HeartsandSparkles:  I also don’t want it to be at lunch time

Rather than worrying about what you want, let the hosts make the decisions. You are the guest of honor, not the host.

Post # 9
Member
2885 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

HeartsandSparkles:  Here is the best thing for you; Step out of everything.  Let the girls who are hosting decide.  Tell them it is 100% up to them.  That is really the way it is supose to be.   And then show up and be happy.  Don’t worry about who can attend and how much more time it will take for them to attend at location A instead of B or if they will need to make sure they are their the night before.  Even if the date was agreed months in advance, there is no way it is going to be 100% perfect for every guest.  Things like this come up.   You are going to make yourself sick worrying about everything, and this is just the shower. 

And stop your FI from taking over.  Even if it’s isn’t typically a girl thing, ettiquet wise it’s more or less the same as you hosting.  Also, you are going to hurt the feelings of your friends that already volunteered to host this way. I know guys like to fix things, but I think you will have to tell him early in your relationship that he is not meant to fix everything.  There are times where he just has to listen to you, and this one of those times.  If you have this discussion now, it will help your marriage.  Really trust me on this, because EVERY wife I know has had the discussion with her husband over the “Listen versus fixing” issue. 

Post # 11
Member
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

FYI: Yom Kippur is the most important Jewish holiday and to treat it as “it happens every year” is a bit offensive especially if it’s important to her partner’s family. 

Post # 13
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

 

HeartsandSparkles:  It sounds like you’re worried about making it easy and convenient for all involved, which is really sweet of you. I agree with another PP that your FI just needs to trust you on this and stop trying to take over. This will really create some bad blood between he and your bridesmaids, which is the last thing you want. I know that my bridesmaids would be super hurt and upset if this job was taken away from them (we’re not having a shower, just a bachelorette, but still..). I’d suggest that next time he tries to ask for guestlists, shows you decor, etc, you tell him “thank you, but my bridesmaids already have this handled”.

 

Post # 15
Member
6274 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

yom kippur is the most important jewish holiday and it is on every calendar i have ever seen.  since she is “part” jewish as you say, she should know that jewish holidays change every year.  i’m sure she realized hanukkah and christmas are sometimes close and sometimes not. 

it sucks that your MOH didn’t check the calendar beforehand and didn’t realize, but she should be at yom kippur with her FI. 

and your shower should go on without her.

and saying Yom Kippur happens once a year and she should come to your shower is horse poop.  would you skip christmas or easter for something else?

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