MOH hates fiance for no reason??

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
8016 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

@tierneydale:  The point of having a bridal party is for them to stand up in support of your marriage. Letting this “friend” be your MOH is insulting to yourself, your man, your relationship and future marriage.

 

 

Post # 4
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

What a terrible attitude! I’ be so hurt! Firstly, she isn’t MOH anymore, and I don’t even understand why she would have agreed in the first place if these were her feelings. Obviously she doesn’t value your friendship very much. In fact, she isn’t your friend anymore if she is cutting herself off to you like that. 

Next, call the bm dress a loss, and continue planning without her. 

Post # 5
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@MrsBuesleBee:  +1

Why would she even want to stand beside you if she hates the person you are marrying? More importantly, would you want her next to you knowing she wasn’t supportive?

I’m sorry this is happening for you. If it was me, I think I’d let her know that I’ve read her actions (and words) loud and clear and that she need not bother with the birdesmaid dress.

Post # 6
Member
525 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I had one friend that instantly started on my fiance as soon as we started dating – she hated him with a passion for no apparent reason (think she was jealous and stuck up about the topic). She even helped spread a rumour that he raped another girl in school at his house when he was still a virgin! She never gave him a chance and always refused to hang out with me insisting that I had bad taste.

My advice to you is to do what I did – end the friendship. She doesn’t have to be friends with him or even like him. But as your friend she is not supposed to be behaving like this, particularly when he has done nothing to offend her. 

She is putting you in the situation of “him or me” which isn’t fair at all considering you are now getting married! The sad thing is that she probably thinks you are the one in the wrong like you should end your relationship for her friendship.

I would just dump her from the wedding entirely and cut her out – just cut your losses. You don’t want someone at your wedding who has so little respect for your relationship.

Post # 9
Member
525 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@tierneydale:  In my eyes she could hate him as much as she like – she just has a duty as a friend to be civil towards him, not be his best friend or anything. If she can’t even act friendly towards him in the small instances she’ll have to interact with him. It is almost effortless to put on a fake smile.

I also just thought about what happens if you continued this friendship – what happens when you two have a fight or an issue and you vent to her? She’ll likely spread the word about what an abusive man he is and push to break you up and be an “I told you so!”.

Post # 10
Member
1343 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@tierneydale:  I think assuming that she’s jealous of you (even if she really is) is dangerous territory. If it’s mentioned at all, you will automatically come off as a zilla. There is no good conversation that ever occurs from a bride saying “You are jealous that I am getting married and you aren’t.” 

So, I would keep on thinking that it isn’t a phase and she really doesn’t like your fiance. You could try to get her to open up and having a real conversation about how she’s feeling. Asking her questions about why they don’t get along, why you two cannot be friends afterwards, etc… Those are really important questions. 

If at the end of the day, she really dislikes your FI and refuses to be your friend after the wedding… then it’s time to cut ties now. She isn’t a MOH. A MOH stands up and supports you, your FI, and your marriage. You’ll need to tell her that you want someone who does all of those things. 

Post # 11
Member
2851 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

She’s got issues; cut her out of your wedding. She has no business standing by your side.

Post # 12
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@tierneydale:  I would maybe let her know that if she, for whatever reason (personal issues, etc), would like/need to leave your bridal party, then she is free to do so. That puts the ball in her court.

How hard is it to at least be nice to someone? Especially someone who is trying hard to be nice to you?

As a side note, it seems like you are putting a lot more effort into this friendship than she is willing to.

Post # 13
Member
6048 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

MOH isn’t just another BM, the MOH is supposed to support 100% the couple getting married.  She doesn’t LIKE YOUR FI.  Drop her and tell her if you can’t be friends with me AFTER my wedding then you don’t support US, me and my family, so don’t bother showing up.  

 

Post # 14
Member
3514 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@tierneydale:  If it were me she would be cut out of the wedding!

Post # 15
Member
487 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@tierneydale:  First off, she should no longer be in the bridal party at all, let alone MOH. 

 

Second of all, you both have to choose. She doesn’t want to “force a friendship”-do you? Has she given you a solid reason she doesn’t like him?

Sounds to me like she is creating drama where there doesn’t need to be any. She doesn’t have to be his best friend, but she should have enough respect for you to be nice to him.

Post # 16
Member
5839 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

@tierneydale:  I would throw back, “how can you hate someone you dont even know?”

The point of being a best friend is to support the person whether or not you like what they are doing. Unless the guy is a crimimal or abusive or an addict, you stand up with your friend.

And you dont have to like the guy to be friends after marriage. Im not a big fan of my BFF husband, but we are close as ever.

She sounds bitter and jealous. Time to let her go. 

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