Post # 1
I’m the MOH for my sister’s wedding and I was just wondering if it’s rude if I don’t give a speech? I know it’s traditional for the Best Man, Father of the Bride, and Groom? to give a speech but I’ve been to some weddings where the MOH gives a speech and have also been to some where she doesn’t.
I’ve had this big fear of speaking in public my whole life (and it’s gotten worse as I’ve gotten older). I know the general public has some anxiety when it comes to public speaking but they get over it and just do it. Not me, mine is an immense fear and I will literally lose sleep over it. Especially when it comes to emotional things i have to speak about, I will just break down and cry. My sister says she’s ok if I don’t give a speech and my husband says that I shouldn’t worry about it.
What do you all think? Do you think it would be strange or think its rude if the MOH doesn’t say something? I know that I never thought much of it when I didn’t see the MOH give a speech but I guess now that it’s on me, I just feel that people will be expecting it since the bride is my sister?
By the way, there will be no rehearsal dinner or anything (in case the idea comes up of me saying something then).
Thank you in advance.
Post # 3
I think it is fine! I was MOH for my best friend and my sister and I gave a speech for both. I have a minor fear of public speaking and chose to do it anyway. However, I KNOW they would have been totally FINE if I had said I’d rather not. If it’s that upsetting for you, you won’t enjoy your time at the wedding because you’ll be stressed out about it!
Post # 4
i think its fine, too.
i told my maid of honor that it was up to her to give a speech. im fine if she wants to and fine if she doesnt. (i know that if i were a maid of honor i’d be terrified)
just clear it with your sister first
Post # 5
As an alternative, ask if you could rather do an AVP with your MOH messages rather than live public speaking.
I’ll do AVP for my wedding speech. I’m no good dealing public speaking that involves emotion either so I’m only gonna worry about my vow. Hopefully I can multi task crying, laughing and talking same time LOL
Post # 6
My sister is my MOH and my other sister is my BM and neither want to give a speech – doesn’t bother me one bit…
Post # 7
Thank you all for your advice. I’ve also thought that if I have to worry about giving this speech, I will literally be a ball of nerves the whole day and won’t be able to enjoy my only sister’s wedding. I feel better now that it’s not expected from the brides for the MOH to give a speech.
Post # 8
I don’t think your sister will mind, but maybe consider just writing a very short (1 – 2 sentences) about the couple and challenge yourself to give the very short speech. Afterall, most guests will be friends and family who will be delighted to see you and won’t in anyway be judging you. Could be a real confidence booster for you!!
Post # 9
The only person who gave a speech at my wedding was the BM. I had 2 MOHs and neither one wanted to give a speech. I didn’t want to give one. DH thanked everyone for coming, but that was it.
Post # 10
I’m sure your sister knows you’re not a big public speaker, so my guess is she won’t be surprised you feel this way. If you want to make sure that her bridal party s represented though, you could always see if one of the BMs feels comfortable and help her write it?
Another suggestion, my FI doesn’t want to write our own vows because he feels uncomfortable saying them in front of everyone, so intead we are writing letters to one naother which will be delivered by the MOH and BM the morning of the wedding….you could always write your sister a letter and give it to her the morning of, or even the night before?
Post # 11
No one HAS to give a speech. My dad doesn’t like speaking in front of people either so he didn’t give one at either my wedding or my sister’s. We both had the father of the groom give a speech. If you aren’t comfortable with it just talk to the bride, I’m sure she will understand.
I had my sister give the speech rather than my MOH. Honestly, it was because my sister is an excellent public speaker and my MOH not so much. But I used the reasoning of keeping it fair since I hadn’t made my sister MOH so I would let her give the speech. So no one felt like second fiddle and no one got their feelings hurt.
Oh, and my DH totally forgot to give a speech at our wedding.
Post # 12
you don’t have to do it and no one will think badly of you if you don’t. if you want to say something, but your fear is what’s mostly holding you back, maybe you can just say a nice, short poem or prayer, this way you don’t have the stress/pressure of composing something yourself. all you’d have to do is read 🙂
Post # 13
I was in the exact same situation a couple years ago for my sister’s wedding. I also have tons of anxiety about public speaking and was also freaking out about this. I kept going back and forth on whether I would give a speech or not. I ultimately decided to give a 3 sentence toast, which I had written down word for word and pretty much read right off of it. I had my FI (bf at the time) come up to stand with me while I did it. I was terrified before it, and my voice was shaking during. Thinking back, I’m glad I spoke, even though it was so simple and short, but I know in the moment- I wanted to die.
Post # 14
I’m the OP of this thread. Thank you all for your advice. I thought I was off the hook but when I went up to my sister’s a few weeks ago for shower/bachelorette weekend, we were having lunch with her bridesmaid/bestfriend. I don’t know how the subject started about the reception when all of a sudden, my sister blurts out, “She’ll be giving a speech” and points to me. I got caught off guard and sorta froze. I just said, “No, im not”. I could have sworn she had said that if I didn’t feel comfortable, I didn’t have to do it. Well between me going back and forth on it, there was a bit of miscommunication and she said that I had said I would still do it despite my fear of public speaking. Her bridesmaid then says, “You’re not?!”. Ugh, thanks sis for putting me on the spot in front of your friend here. Feeling like crap at this point, I just said that public speaking was my biggest fear. And the BM goes, “Even if you just read it directly from a piece of paper?.”. The conversation just sorta trailed off but I knew that I would have to do it. Our dad doesn’t sound like he’ll be saying anything so really nobody on my sister’s side will be speaking for her.
Later on, when we were alone, I asked her, “So you really want me to give a speech?”. And she said, “if you don’t feel comfortable, you don’t have to do it. I’m not going to lie, I’ll be sad and disappointed but I’ll get over it.”. Lol. So that was basically my cue, lol. I’m going to do this despite my fear. She was so happy when I eventually told her I would do it. She said it really means a lot to her and she knows that this is not easy for me so it means even more to her. I did mention to her that I will be reading my speech from a piece of paper the majority of the time. She said she is perfectly fine with that because she’s done that too as moh at her friends weddings.
I was originally looking at short fill-in-the blank templates on the Internet. But then surprisingly, I just started to write and everything started to flow out naturally. After the wedding, I plan on printing the speech on some pretty wedding stationery, framing it, and giving it to her as one of her gifts. Since my sis will not be having a videographer, I’m going to have my husband record me while I’m up there giving my speech so she can also have that little memory to keep as well.
So I originally thought that I would be able relax after the ceremony. Well I guess now my relaxation has been postponed until after the speech, lol.
Post # 15
Trust me, you will love giving the speech. It is the most heartfelt moments besides the vows.
Post # 16
I did not give a speech when I was MOH. FI and I decided we did not want any speeches because we just find it so uncomfortable to watch someone speaking who is nervous and neither of us would want to do it! Instead we asked if our MOH and BM would read a blessing. This is a little easier in my opinion because it’s already written for you, so no pressure to write something funny or emotional.