MOH here and thinking about stepping down

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
588 posts
Busy bee

Most of what you wrote above seems like a reason not to have accepted the MOH spot in the first place. She asked your to be her MOH after your wedding was over, yes?

Given that you’ve accepted and already bought the dress and the pre-wedding events are all over, I’m not sure why you’d step down now. The major financial costs have been had -you can give a very small gift at the wedding or just a card, frankly.

From what you wrote above, I do not see a reason to step down, given that you had already decided to overlook all of that when you agreed to be in her wedding.

Post # 4
Member
849 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

KteSpde18:  I agree with the PP. I mean, you said yourself

The major thing for me is how she treated me during my wedding planning process, and while I did have a heart to heart with her of sorts post wedding, her current behavior is showing me that our already strained friendship is curretnly non- existent.

I’m assumming (correct me if I’m wrong) that you agreed to be her MOH after your wedding. I just don’t know why you would agree in the first place if this is how you felt.

Personally, I would not step down. Even if you are not as close as you were before, this is her wedding and I’m sure you can imagine how it would feel to have your MOH drop out. I’m not saying that she has a right to treat you poorly, but from what you’re saying, it doesn’t seem like there has been some drastic change in your friendship with her since accepting the MOH position. I just feel that you should not have taken the role in the first place. 

You said you live close by, so why not drop by and talk to her face to face or phone her? I’m sure you can find a way to talk to her.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  citysparkle.
Post # 5
Member
588 posts
Busy bee

KteSpde18:  Ooh, that does change things. Given that the wedding is a destination wedding for you, I see no reason why you can’t tell the bride that, while you really wish you could be there for her, your recent and unexpected job loss means that you won’t be able to afford the trip. I wouldn’t “step down” and cite all of the ways that she has been a bad friend to you, I would just make it about the job loss/financial situation. If you handle it that way, if she does get upset at you, she ends up being the bad guy and not you.

Post # 8
Member
1568 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I would step down. I would tell her the reason is because of the cost and the unexpected job loss. She is sounding like she could care less as well. 

Post # 9
Member
849 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

KteSpde18:  That definitely changes things then. Honestly, I don’t know what I would do, but I wouldn’t blame you for stepping down.

I would just make the decision soon.

Post # 13
Member
6888 posts
Busy Beekeeper

My guess is she  was not aware of how negative she comes   across or that she offended you with her remark.   When you confronted her, she probably didn’t take the criticism all that well, hence the tension.  Now she’s close to her own date, so it’s understandable that she’s busy, but still no excuse for never getting back to your emails and texts. That was inconsiderate of her, but with just weeks to go, I would not necessarily take that personally,either.

From your update,  sounds like she is aware, and has finally gotten back to you now that she has some time to hang out. 

Personally, after having made the commitment,  I would not back out without very good reason. 

Post # 15
Member
1236 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

KteSpde18:  Given that you’re unemployed, there are additional finances to be considered, and she seems to be “firing” you as a friend already … I say step down and save yourself the hassle.

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