Weddingbee boards

My MOH is one of my cousins. She hasn't been very helpful or excited throughout the wedding process. But, I get that. Some maid of honors really don't care about the wedding because it isn't theirs. Every negative thing she's said about my guest list or location, I've eaten up. Every time she comes over to talk about the wedding but ends up talking about her own life, I've eaten up, but this is just way too far for me.

When I was younger, I was molested by her brother. Her brother has autism. And, she's always dismissed what he did to me because he has autism and she essentially thinks I am the biggest b*tch in the world for not forgiving him. And that regardless of how I feel it doesn't count. However, whether or not he has autism, he hurt me terribly. And, it's bad enough that I have to see him at family functions. However, in a very self-entitled and bullying manner demanded that he come to my wedding too!

First, she said that he has to come to the wedding because it would be wrong not to invite him regardless of what he did to me because he has autism. And, she also said that both of her parents couldn't come to the wedding if I didn't invite him because no one would be able to watch him. However, I happen to know that many family members have watched him in the past before. So, I think it's just an excuse for her to yet again, control everything about my wedding.

I calmly explained that I do not want him at my wedding because it would bring up bad memories and I want to only be happy on that day. I asked her to step out of her shoes and look at it from my standpoint. And, she proceeded to belittle me and tell me that no one needs to step out of any shoes, what's right is right.And in her eyes, I'm acting like a self-centered bridezilla. She also said that I need an attitude check because it's way too much. Meanwhile, I was nothing but nice to her. And yes, I am being subjective here because I do want an honest opinion.

She was telling me that her brother NEEDS to come to my wedding and I told her that if anyone heard what he did to me, they would think that she is crazy for thinking so. And, she said that any teacher that teaches autistic persons or any doctor that heard that I am not inviting him simply because I "say" (yes, she's implying that I'm lying) that he molested me, would think I'm a terrible person.

So, I told her that neither her or her brother are invited to my wedding and that she is no longer my maid of honor. And, then she began to try and guilt me and completeley changed her story from "IDC if he did molest you, he has to come!" to "All I was saying is that both of my parents can't come if he isn't invited. So just choose one to invite. It's cool."

WTF?

She belittled me yet again with her insensitivity for a few hours, and then she says that I'm disrespectful for not inviting him because I know how much he puts everyone through.I'm wrong, self-centered, disrespectful and that I care about no one but myself!

She refuses to see that her brother MOLESTED ME!!!!!!!! I don't care if he's autistic, it doesn't take the pain away. I still am uncomfortable being around him. He is allowed to do whatever he wants, to whoever he wants. And, I am sure that if he were to try and grope me on my wedding day, his parents would just laugh at it and not do a single thing.Because he's autistic, he can get away with anything.

I have my feelings here. But, do you think I am being insensitive for not inviting him even though he molested me? Should I just invite him for the simple fact that he has autism? Is my ex MOH completely out of line? Please tell me the truth.

*** I have another account for wedding bee, and I have been a member for quite some time. However, I wanted to keep my identity a secret so I created this account.

Thanks for all of your support. As sick as it may seem, I honestly did not know what to do. I feel bad that he has autism, I really do. I wouldn't wish that upon anybody. But, I really don't think it's right for me to have to continuously serve the feelings of other people even on my wedding day.

I think I know exactly what I am going to do. I took her out of the running for MOH, and neither her or her brother will be invited to my wedding. If her parents don't come, it will be a bummer. But, I understand that their loyalty is to their son. Regardless of what he's done to others. It's just difficult because I don't think she believes me about what happened anymore.

@Texas Meredith. I actually changed my wedding date, I selected randomly in order to conceal my identity. Because, I do have another wedding  bee account. I am a little less than a year away from my wedding. But yes, you are absolutely right. She's being very one-sided right now.

Thanks everyone. I'm really beginning to see that maybe she's just being self-centered at this point. I did not mention this earlier, but her parents don't know what he did to me. Well, they've heard about it through the grapevine. But, they've never cared enough to confront me about it.

I know many people will not agree with my decision to keep things quiet. And, yes I'd prefer to keep this quiet because I am afraid of what others will think of me in the family. But, my family isn't the type to console you. They're more the type to blame, doubt and insinuate that I'm lying. I know this because a few years ago, one of my younger boy cousins ( I believe he was 6 at the time) said that one of the uncles was touching him. And, the only person that was mad was his mother. Everyone else just pushed it under the rug and didn't even try to investigate or believe a word he was saying, simply because it was a child's word against a well respected elder.

My whole reason to keep this quiet is because I felt as if no one would believe me or even care about what happened. And, I was right. Now, I feel as if my ex MOH was sort of blackmailing me telling me "if you don't want my brother there, you're going to have to tell my parents why."

But, I am no longer dealing with her. So, hopefully this will all blow over rather than turning into a big dispute. I don't forgive him. I can't forgive him. But, I know if I speak out there would be no punishments for his actions, even if his family were to handle it internally. Simply because he is autistic, he can get away with anything. I understand that his condition puts strain on their side of the family. And believe me, I do sympathize. However, I do feel as if there needs to be a moral compass that guides them to teach him right from wrong.