Post # 1
I consider my FI’s sister to be one of my best friends. We have been referring to each other as ‘practically sisters in law’ since before we were engaged. So of course, i asked her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor as I was hers.
Shortly after we set the date, she found out she was expecting. We are aver the moon for her and offered to try and change our wedding date. The new baby is a few weeks old and our wedding is a few weeks away.
My FI’s mother now mentioned to us that my moh and her husband (a groomsmen) are planning to leave as soon as the ceremony is over to take the baby to the cottage where they are staying.
Now I know she’s a new mommy with a new little baby and i completely understand that everything is hard with a new baby but I just really want her there… I was so excited to share this day with her. My fiance is really upset too. He wont talk about it and I can see in his eyes that he is crushed.
I just dont know what to do other than feel crushed. I am not a mom so i dont feel likie I can tell her that we are hurt… I dont want to be a concieted bride or be oneof those girls without kids who doesn’t understand what its like o have a new born.
We have tried to be as accomodating as possible but I guess it doesn’t matter.
Post # 3
Yeah it would be hard for her to stay as the baby wouldn’t be able to be away from her that young and would not be able to go through a whole reception. Is there a way she can stay for a little while while her husband takes the baby home then leave after your first dance or something? But yeah, her new baby is her first priority
Post # 4
Honestly, the fact that she is making the wedding is a big deal. It’s really hard to leave the house with a newborn in the first few weeks. You spend all your time terrified of everything – terrified the baby will freak out, that you won’t know what to do, of nursing in an unknown environment while trying to cover yourself up, all of it. I barely left the house for the first month and even now (at 13 weeks) trips out of the house of more than a few hours require a lot of planning and preparation.
I think you have the right to be disappointed, but please don’t think she’s not trying. She probably feels like the wedding itself is her making a significant effort.
Post # 5
iRun has given great advice. It’s definitely a bummer, but it’s just a reality that needs to be faced. My SIL had a baby exactly 1 month before our wedding and she was a Bridesmaid or Best Man of mine. There was some initial disappointment that the pre-wedding events would be the same (she is super fun, and now wouldn’t be able to drink and let loose since she was pregnant.. and she gave birth 1 week before my bach so she couldn’t even come to the dinner part of that night) and it meant some changes on our wedding day too but we made it work. It was her 2nd baby, so she was a little more relaxed about it and had him at the reception for a while but it still meant that I didn’t see her much. I was so excited about my new nephew and after letting it sink in a little, it didn’t bother me at all anymore.
I don’t think you should say anything about it. If she thought she could make it to the reception at all, she probably would be making that her plan. If you mention why can’t she come, maybe for a little while etc… she might feel unfairly attacked. I would try to move past this and remember there will be SOOO many people there that night who want to socialize with you that you besides your wedding party. Hell, I was so busy visiting with guests I didn’t spend a whole lot of time with my bridal party after dinner was over.
Post # 6
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
@FutureMrsClayshulte: Have you offered to provide somewhere onsite where the baby can stay with someone they trust (maybe even a licensed and ensured babysitter you hire) and then she and dad can come and go as they please? If some such thing were to be possible, you could call her up and say that you completely understand if she doesn’t want to, but you were wndering if it would make it possible for them to stay if you did this.
Post # 7
I’m so bummed that you are sad, but as someone who is just a few weeks away from giving birth to my first, I say just try to be happy that she’s going to make the ceremony at all.
I can’t say for sure, since it hasn’t happened yet, but I can say that I don’t think I would be interested in leaving my new little baby for even an hour or two.
If I were you, I would not bring it up. We have a friend that I am beginning to feel very resentful toward because he keeps inviting Darling Husband and I to things that are not pregnant lady friendly, and thinks that if I’m not interested in going, Darling Husband can just go. I know that’s not your situation at all, but it does sting when someone just seems to “not get it.”
You seem very kind and understanding, and I promise you, she will always rememeber how considerate you were!
Post # 8
Thank you everyone for helping me put things in perspective. I am just disapointed because I was looking forward to all the prewedding fun with my best friend and new sister. We have been waiting to be a offical sisters for so long and now that its actually here its kind of hard to celebrate and our wedding seems much less important in comparison to our amazing new little family member.
We have made some arrangements for her to make things a little easier if she choses to use them:
Our venue offers a fantastic baby sitting service that is just a room away from the reception which includes a private comfortable place for her to pump or nurse if she needs to. The baby sitting service is for anyone at our wedding who has little ones however no one has to use it. It’s just there if its needed…its also quite expensive. I’m not sure that she is willing to hand her little one over and I don’t blame her. I probobaly wouldnt either. There will be lots of family members around to help her if needed.
We also arranged for her and the rest of our family to rent houses across the street from our country club venue rather than having them stay in hotels. There they will have a full kitchen and laundry on hand if they need it.
I also made arrangements with neighbors to borrow things they may need- pack n play- high chair- stroller etc
Post # 9
@FutureMrsClayshulte: that’s so generous of you to arrange all that, hopefully she will be able to take advantage of the service 🙂
Post # 10
I’m sorry that you are disappointed. I am a few months postpartum and am the Maid/Matron of Honor in a friends wedding soon, and to be honest, it has been really hard. It is impossible to explain how hard it is to leave your little one for numerous reasons…trust, breastfeeding, comfort (theirs), etc. I think the fact that she will be attending at all is HUGE.
The babysitting service is very nice, but honestly I would not use it for my newborn, or want them at the reception around a large group of people. You really need to limit the number of people (especially kids) your newborn comes into contact with because their immune systems are not well developed until two months of age. If the LO gets a fever before then it means hospitalization, spinal taps, and lots of other procedures.
Honestly, the best thing you can do is try to be understanding and appreciate what she can do. I’m sure she feels badly about it already!
Post # 11
My SIL & BIL had a baby 4 days before our wedding & they both walked with us, and were at the whole reception. There was a lot of family to help take care of him, but we didn’t expect them to participate in everything after that. They weren’t present at the reception the whole time for dances, but they were there, just trying to take care of the baby.