Weddingbee boards

I've had so many problems with my maid of honour since the beginning of the planning process.  Most recently she has really hurt my feelings with regards to my recent bachelorette party.  I wanted to start the dialogue months before on the details, date etc. of the bachelorette and she kept putting it off.  This past weekend was my bachelorette and she did a terrible job. She did not get people lined up in time so only a few attended.  She didn't plan a dinner out or anything first and wanted to meet at my place with everyone.  I felt like I should "arrive" somewhere on my bachelorette as opposed to having to entertain others in my place (that is bursting with wedding stuff) and worry about snacks and drinks for everyone.  When I suggested we go somewhere else she seemed to think that meant meeting at the club.  So I got in a cab by myself on my bachelorette and arrived at the club.  Just before I got there she said she was heading inside with the others and they would be inside.  I was like wtf!  I'll be there in 5 mins.  But what can you say.  So I went into the club by myself for the bachelorette!  I paid my own $15 cover to get in.  I found them and there were no typical bachelorette goodies like a fake veil, etc. Nothing.  My MOH didn't even buy me a drink all night but she had managed to get enough $ together to purchase a new dress for herself.  The other girls bought my drinks.  It felt like such an ordinary night - in fact worse because of the expectations for it to be special.  They left when they were ready to go and hung out a little longer with another friend who was there.  I got in a cab by myself at the end of the night and went home.  In a word, it sucked! 

Question is I don't know what to do.  I am so hurt by her selfish, inconsiderate behaviour and shocked at it.  As far as I know I haven't done anything to upset her but I keep thinking I must have for such a terrible event.  Should I talk to her about it?  Ask her if everything is ok because the night wasn't exactly as one would expect or will I sound like a bridezilla.  Her only involvement so far in the wedding has been to pick the bm dresses, co-host the shower with 2 others (and she had to be poked and prodded to get that done!) and attend the tasting at the venue for the meal.  I hardly think she has been overworked.  Suggestions on how to handle this?

I am sorry to hear that happened to you. The only thing I think you can do is talk with her about the situation and explain that your feelings were hurt by the whole thing. She may not react well, so be prepared for that. But it is better to get it off your chest before you let the feelings fester.

I guess I felt like I shouldn't have to spell out how the night should unfold - it's one of those things where I know I would have rolled out the red carpet for her if she had gotten married first and was surprised she didn't.  In my mind a bachelorette should be properly organized well in advance, a hotel room reserved for the end of the night for all the girls to crash and while maybe not a 5 star dinner but a dinner none the less with a few girly bachelorette accessories like the fake veil.  She has been a bm before, never a MOH.  My mom had to push and push her with the shower and my mom ended up paying for everything for the shower and my MOH added some nice finishing touches but to be honest they were the type of things that were nice to haves rather than the essentials of a shower.  My mom's work effectively let her shine where she wanted to.  I know money is tight with her, but she should have been honest if she felt the costs associated with the role were too much (which so far have only included the dress for $200 (which I let her pick) and her contribution to the shower).  I may have appointed co-maid of honours or just bms or something if i had known the issues.  My other bms don't live near me.  I think I will just scale back the things I was going to do for her at the wedding that would have made her feel special - like an extra gift, and some other "honorary" roles she was going to fulfill. 

I'm sorry!!! Has she ever been a maid of honor before? Maybe she didn't know what to do? If she's never done this kinda thing before I would give her the benefit of the doubt and talk to her. Also, is this typical behavior for her? Does she normally slap things together last minute or is she inconsiderate often? If so, you should ask her to step aside. The closer it gets to your wedding date the more involved she'll need to be. If she's unreliable and inconsiderate, it's likely she's going to do something else like this and stress you out further. I hope you get everything worked out!