(Closed) MOH is close to useless

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I am sorry to hear that happened to you. The only thing I think you can do is talk with her about the situation and explain that your feelings were hurt by the whole thing. She may not react well, so be prepared for that. But it is better to get it off your chest before you let the feelings fester.

Post # 4
Member
8354 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I am sorry you had such a terrible time. If it were me, I would talk to her about it. And if she doesn’t respond well, I would just ask her to step down from her position. From what you have stated, she doesn’t seem like she wants anything to do with your wedding.

Post # 5
Member
478 posts
Helper bee

I agree with noritake22 about asking her to step down. That is such a crappy situation, and I’m sorry you are faced with this. I know it feels bridezilla like to say that you want your bachelorette party to be special, and everyone to cater to you, but excuse me isn’t that what it’s for?! It’s your wedding, and you deserve those things. Paying a $15 entry fee to a club and getting you a fake veil is NOT expecting too much. I would have been pissed AND hurt. What a let down. 🙁

I would pull your runner up MOH to the side and explain how you feel about your current MOH failing to perform her duties, and what you expect of the MOH and see if she is willing to do the job. Then, take your current MOH aside and (very nicely) explain to her that you think you need someone who can provide more, or be present more and tell her that so-and-so can do the job and is more than excited to.

That definitely is a tough situation, and depending on how your MOH takes criticizm, it could make things a little sticky. I know you’ll make the right decision. If there’s one thing that I hope you don’t overlook is that it’s your wedding, it’s a time to celebrate, and it IS about YOU.

Good luck! 🙂

Post # 6
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Has she been in a wedding party before?  Maybe she just didn’t know what was expected of her as MOH?   

I think you should definitely talk to her.  There’s probably more going on with her than just not wanting to help out with the planning.  She might be worried about where your friendship is headed now that you’re getting married – get her to talk about what’s really going on! 

Post # 7
Member
5978 posts
Bee Keeper

It sort of sounds as if she’s never been the MOH before and isn’t the most organized when it comes to this kind of stuff. Were you clear to her that you wanted to go out to dinner beforehand. I know you said you didn’t want to provide food and everything before going out, but maybe she took that as, you wanted to arrive on your own instead of the girls coming to pick you up? I see a lot of misunderstandings that could have happened here, and it does stink that you didn’t have a very good time at your bachelorette party. It is over now, and talking to her might put her on the defensive. I wouldn’t ask her to step down unless you’re ready to lose her as a friend. Usually, you can’t ask someone to step down and remain as close as you were before. Having a talk with her might make you feel better, but unfortunately, there isn’t a whole lot that can be done now that it’s over.

Post # 9
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I’m sorry!!! Has she ever been a maid of honor before? Maybe she didn’t know what to do? If she’s never done this kinda thing before I would give her the benefit of the doubt and talk to her. Also, is this typical behavior for her? Does she normally slap things together last minute or is she inconsiderate often? If so, you should ask her to step aside. The closer it gets to your wedding date the more involved she’ll need to be. If she’s unreliable and inconsiderate, it’s likely she’s going to do something else like this and stress you out further. I hope you get everything worked out!

Post # 10
Member
502 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Sorry ignore this post – my computer decided to post before I was done typing!

Post # 11
Member
502 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Mine has been very useless as well. Usless enough that I asked my out of town bridesmaid who was DIEING to be MOH to be a 2nd MOH. She was a MOH for a week and planned my entire bachelorette party with all of my bridesmaids with the exception of my other MOH because she NEVERRRR responded to her.  I knew I should have picked her originally, but at the time I was still close with my first MOH and she wasn’t so consumed in her dysfunctional relationship and I was worried about the distance (she is in Atlanta and I am in Pittsburgh). MOH 1 doesnt even want to give the speech at the reception, but my 2nd MOH is again dieing to. It sucks and I wish I wouldn’t have made the original descision. However my other bridesmaids are aware of the situation and are going to be contacting her a lot to keep up to date and make sure she is doing something for the bridal shower. It just sucks when you MOH is the ONLY person who doesn’t respond to any of your messages or calls. I tried giving her the option to step down and just be a bridesmaid because she was lacking any interest in wedding at all, she told me no and she’d try harder (hasn’t). Never asks questions or anything. 🙁 So that was my solution. I didn’t ‘demote’ her from being MOH I just asked another BM to be my 2nd MOH and she picked up all of her mess for her and got the ball rolling. She is only responsible for the bridal shower and attending some tastings with me. Everything else was handed over to my 2nd MOH.

Post # 12
Member
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I gave the MOH half a grand to get a limo for the bacholorette and she swore up and down that she couldn’t get one for that… so I hired one here in town (for less), and am going to let her keep the money for other expenses. She is clueless about what to do.  I hope it turns out ok.

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