Post # 1
My MOH has been one of my best friends since high school, we’ve known each other for 10 years. She has always been the friend I can go to about the most serious stuff, who, even if we havent hung out in a while, I know I can always rely on. We work opposite schedules, and she is the kind of girl who will leave her phone off for days, so it’s not unusual to go a week or so without talking to her, but in the past she has always been there for me when I needed it.
Not so much now. She has yet to RSVP to our engagement party, which is this coming Saturday, her phone has been on but she hasn’t returned any of my phone calls in the last 2 weeks. She hasn’t bought her dress yet, and all the other girls have. She has bailed on all of the bridesmaids get-togethers etc.
I know she has always wanted to get married, and has been with her boyfriend a year longer than my fiance and I have been together, and there is NO ring in sight, so a part of me wonders if she is a little bit jealous.
I don’t know what to do…should I assume I no longer have a maid of honor, and find someone else (would be hard due to friendship politics…kinda along the lines of if I pick one, I pick them all) ? Do I talk to her about this, assuming she eventually picks up her phone? What do I say?
Post # 3
I would talk to her about it face to face. She might not have a ton of time to dedicate to duties as a bridesmaid. I didn’t have a bridesmaid that was actively involved in planning.
Post # 4
i would send her a msg to her email and find out if everything is okay with her and why you havent been hearing from her. you can ask her if she feels she is now too busy or occupied to be able to carry out her moh duties
Post # 5
@MrsSaltWaterTaffy: I havent asked her to DO anything, just a happy hour at my house (hello, free wine and food) and we all went together to look at dresses and out for brunch after, its not like I’m asking her to help me put together my invites or help me shop for hours for white candles. I don’t expect my girls to have “duties”, just to be good friends, aka return phone calls and rsvp yes, or no, to parties.
Post # 6
I think you need to try harder to talk to her, and confront her about the non-responsiveness in a nice and understanding way. There might be something going on that you don’t know about. If you’ve known her that well for that long, you should be able to approach this by giving her the benefit of the doubt and being understanding. We can’t tell you anything you don’t already know. We can’t help you – go ask her!
Post # 7
I am in the same situation with my MOH. I bet she is jealous. But remember jealously is just a feeling that you cannot control. I know my MOH is still my friend. But her actions are not one of a good MOH. You wouldnt do that to her during her wedding. So you should talk to her about it.
I was thinking about asking my MOH if she wants a co-maid of honor. I totally understand the politics situation. But word it in a way that the decision is totally up to her. But you never know something else might be going on in her life so you should talk to her and see if she is having some problems.
Post # 8
I’d try to talk to her if possible. I wouldn’t assume she’s jealous because there could be many other reasons for what’s going on, but if she is, and she’s your friend, then I might try to cut her a little slack–it’s nice to have your MOH at things like engagement parties, but it’s not necessary; it IS more necessary for her to come to fittings though, so don’t cut her THAT much slack.
Post # 9
Just called her again…she sent me to voicemail ;( I think I’ll call her sister tomorrow to make sure everything is ok with her. I feel like she’s mad at me, but for the life of me, I can’t think of what I could have done.
Post # 10
@annapeeps: If she’s been with her boyfriend longer and has been waiting for a ring, it’s probably just jealousy. Not that it makes you feel any better, but I’m guessing this issue is less about you, and mostly about her own issues.
Post # 11
I’ve noticed that on the whole, those who are not yet engaged or married don’t really care as much. I’d just take it as unfortauntely she’ s just not that interested. This doesn’t make her a bad friend. The most important thing is for you to be happy and have fun with your plans. Engage her where you can, but let the rest go. Dont’ ruin this wonderful time worrying!! Best of luck xo