Post # 1
My brother is getting married next month and I am a bridesmaid. I am very close to my future sister in law and will do anything to make sure she has the perfect day! Her is Maid of Honor is…in a nutshell, the most evil person I have ever met. We dont really like each other, but I have no problems putting that aside for my new sis. Here’s a little background on my issue:
We just had the wedding shower which I co-hosted with MOH. She sent me an insane list of things to do, which of course I did it (example being: we had to buy a plant for MOH’s stepmom to say thanks for using their house for the shower, not my desicion) Due to her poor planning, she was at a graduation on the morning of the shower so myself and the bride ran around all morning doing her dirty work. Again, happy to do it. All the girls made a fuss at what a beautiful party it turned out to be and when asked if MOH did it all, her reply: “Yea I did.” Of course I retorted under my breath out of earshot of anyone: “Um, no you did not.” And yeah, she heard it.
Now I being given a huge list of orders from this girl for the day of the wedding; stuff my sister in law does NOT care about. We like beer, not expensive pink champagne. How do I decline some of the things she’s asking and basically put her in her place without ruining the experience for my sister in law? I am getting married in April and have a lot to focus on as well. I’ll do whatever it takes for my new sister, but I can’t let this girl treat me like a dog. PLEASE HELP! And be genuine, not mean…there’s a difference 🙂
Thanks for the advice and may all of your wedding wishes come true!
Post # 3
@ShabbyChicBee: I woudl take the list, tell her you will talk to the bride, and make your decisions from there.
What stuff does she want you doing the day of the wedding?
Post # 4
Tell the MOH your busy and can only do one or two things (pick something that the bride would want done).
Don’t let her dicate your schedule. My bridal party only had to show up at my apartment with clean/dry hair the day of my wedding and a hair style idea. It’s going to be a long day, you need time to relax, to hang out with the bride and help the bride with anything she needs help with.
Post # 5
I was asked to get “Palmes dOr” pink champagne. I’m a country girl, I can’t even pronounce that! For 2 bottles, it’s going to cost $280! Me and the bride are total beer girls.
She then asked me to pick up gourmet sandwiches and cupcakes from a bakery that is 28 miles away from the wedding venue (and only 7 miles from her home) for the bridal party.
She is a hairdresser and “volunteered” to do everyones hair and makeup: for $100. I told the bride this was a no-can-do for me and a co-worker volunteered to do mine free of charge for helping on a big project.
She then sent a mass text mesage asking everyone to chip in for the bride and grooms hotel room – they’re having a co-bach/bachelorette party in Louisiana. Um I’m not even able to go because my work schedule is so hectic and my fiance’ and I are watching my nephews (aka their doggies) while they’re away. No prob at all – our dogs are our life 🙂
And does anyone have any clue what lavender water is? Because I dont, and was asked to get that “if I could, because that would be soooooo sweet of me….”
Post # 6
@ShabbyChicBee: Lavender water is the sort of thing you spray on linen etc to make them smell extra nice (I think!).
It sounds like you’ve done plenty already. I’d buy the beer and then just keep repeating ‘no, you get it*’ until she stops asking you (*it being whatever ridiculous extravagent thing she’s requiring).
Post # 7
@ShabbyChicBee: On the sandwiches and stuff, i would maybe ask the bride, because i know WE, my FI and I, are already making plans for meals for them both breakfast and lunch….and we are paying for it….as a gift of appreciation for all the support of through this process….so you may double check with the bride so their money dosent go to waste because people have 2 meals….i would also double check the liquor request, and do it nicley….like “hey MOH gave me this list, and Ive never heard of this, so i just want to make sure I get the right thing….” and approach it like you are double checking the BRIDES wishes, Because it is her wedding not the MOH….and im sure your SIL knows what her MOH is like but she may not….at my sisters wedding, her MOH was out of control….I mean soliciting money (well harassing is more accurate like 10 messages a day) for money for this bride or that bride must have including an $800 wedding gift for the couple that never appeared because no one would give her the money….she also went behind my sisters back and toldthe photographer to change certain picture lists because “she knew what the bride wanted” so when my sister very pissed off contacted her photog after the wedding proofs were in, she presented her with the e-mails from MOH saying things to change….and MOH basically made the wedding about her since her and her husband eloped….she was out of line, and pulled similiar crap to what you are going through….she even dumped getting flowers picked up on my MOM 45 minutes before we could set up and my mom almost didnt get back intime to get her hairand make up done….
Basically i would just gently ask questions of the bride about these things….because my sisters MOH was requesting her favorite cookies and things to snack on and salads…..that my sister was allergic too to her FSIL, and her FSIL asked me becase she was like i think sister is allergic to these….and all of them had walnuts in them….which my sis has an anaphylactic allergies too….all of it was going to be on my sisters dime….so i would just double check that it is what the BRIDE wants for her day…that will make it easier….and give her a better time….so it dosent come out the day before the wedding like in my case….
Dont approach it as tattle telling, but go to the bride and say….hey….i just want to double check that im getting the right things so your day is stress free….and that we get everything….she may not even know….and maybe if you say on the expensive drinks….”hey i cant really afford this right now….is there something a little more price friendly that you would like instead???”
thats the best i can do….
Post # 8
I would ask her what things she has on the list for her self…compare the lists and attempt to negotiate some of the items…especially the ones that you find might be different from what the BRIDE wants. While it is the MOH’s responsibility to delegate some of the “need-to-do’s” to the other bridesmaids, it is in fact HER job as the MOH to make sure she’s actually doing the work too…
I have no idea what items she put on your list, or what items she put on her own or anyone elses…but perhaps there should be a BM meeting or something. 1 giant list of things that need to be done…and everyone can select the tasks that they would be able to help with. If you’re unfortunate as some bridesmaids, who are in a group with people who don’t want to help, then I’m not sure where to go… I would definitely approach her though…before approaching the bride to be. The last thing you want to do (which you basically said already) is stress her out with the little details…
I consider myself blessed. For the most part, all of my girls, even the 2 in other states, have been amazing. Idea brainstorming online, shopping for dresses, even washing cars to make some money towards their own gowns…I couldn’t ask for a better group of girls…and as far as I know…there has been no internal drama 🙂
Good luck with the crazy MOH and with your own wedding as well 😉
Post # 9
@kansas_nurse: Thank you ma’am. I settled the alcohol situation for when we’re getting ready…beer it is haha. I will definitely approach it in this manner, I was trying to leave her out on how I felt about things – my brother is hot-headed…I love him to death but he has no prob telling me to suck it up and “leave FSIL out of it.”
Post # 10
@ShabbyChicBee: yeah we tried that at my sisters wedding but things started comming out during rehersal dinner and she almost cancelled the wedding….and then after wards she was humiliated…..because alot of the things SHE paid for were brushed aside for what MOH thought she wanted….so just to make sure esp if its an its already paid for thing, if the couple is paying for it esp. make sure they know what they are paying for and it goes easier if you go at it in an “im double checking here!” manor not “dayum your MOH is a biznatch and i hate her…” that way she gets a glimpse of what is going on but not dumped on…
Post # 11
@Ms. Drgnfly: There’s the MOH and 2 BM’s. The other BM lives in another state. And honestly?? I’m lucky too, my FSIL and the other BM’s are totally in sync with me and each other. Thank God this girl had nothing to do with my wedding.
Post # 12
So not only is this MOH just making you crazy, but she’s trying to spend all of your money, too? Yikes. Want fancy champagne? No prob – give me your money and I’m happy to pick it up. Ugh. People like this make me nuts.