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MOH is preggers and announcing it the week of the wedding...

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
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    Helper bee
    linzella    June 20, 2009   Austin, Texas

    Hi hive!

    So my sister and matron of honor recently found out that she is preggers. Of course I am SUPER excited for her and thrilled to be an aunt, but she plans to announce her pregnancy the week of my wedding. (She lives in another state and wants to tell our dad and extended family in person, and my "wedding week" is the next time she'll be in town.) I'm not really upset about this b/c I understand her perspective, but I suppose I am just a smidge annoyed. A lot of our family won't be in town until the wedding day, so they will find out her news at my wedding. Am I total bridezilla that this is annoying me a little bit? Have any of you been in similar situations???

     
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    El Capataz    November 2009   Malvern, PA

    Eek. You should suggest to her to announce it the day after the wedding.

     
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    Busy bee
    grumpybear722    January 13, 1992  

    Girl I'd be annoyed too! :D I think it only becomes "Bride-zilla" like if you confront her about it! :)
    I think I'd ask her if she would like to announce it at the wedding AFTER all of the festivities... LOL Actually...thinking about it I'd rather her tell everyone as far before the actual ceremony as she can. You said you're having a "wedding week" so could she tell everyone on Monday (assuming your wedding is on Friday or Saturday). :) Good luck!

     
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    Sugar bee
    naangel55    June 20, 2009   Long Beach, CA

    I think as long as she is not announcing it AT your wedding that it would be ok.  Are people coming in earlier that she can tell and wait to tell the rest of the people after the wedding?

     
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    LittleScarfGirl    N/A   North Carolina

    I can understand why you would be a little irked; your wedding is your chance to be the center of attention, and her exciting news poses the possibility of taking a little bit of the spotlight away from you. (That would be my feeling, anyway!) But don't forget that everyone will be at the wedding for YOU, your sister included. She may be excited with her own news as well, but it won't make your wedding any less special, or change the fact that your family is there to celebrate you. :)

     
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    Sugar bee
    Tanya123      

    Mmm, coming from the perspective of my family, I think it's understandable to be annoyed.  I can understand not telling anyone too early.  That's normal.  but she can't wait until after the wedding?  What's a couple of days? 

    See in my family, you don't need a big family gathering to announce you're pregnant.  The only "to do" is when you have the baby shower.  (Not that people aren't happy for you.)  I don't know if she's looking for an audience.  But, in my family, it's pretty much standard to announce it to your parents.  Then they tell the entire family.  Again not a big song and dance.

    I can see why it feels a bit thunder stealing.  Is this the first grandchild for your parents?

     
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    Helper bee
    linzella    June 20, 2009   Austin, Texas

    I'm not really having an official "wedding week," but a few of my friends and relatives are coming into town early to help with last minute preparations (my sister is one of them).  When I talked to my fiance about this, he jokingly suggested that I "accidentally" tell one of the family gossips that my sister is preggers so that there will be nothing for her to announce once she gets to town!  :-)  Of course I would never do that, but I may ask her when she plans to tell everybody...at least that way I will know what to expect.  MOH is preggers and announcing it the week of the wedding... :  wedding Icon Neutral

     
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    ejs4y8    June 20, 2009  

    People will congratulate her, but I'm sure your wedding will be the bigger deal! It's not like she's ready to pop or anything. And I think people will realize that it's YOUR wedding day, not her baby announcement day, no matter when she makes it!

    If it really does bother you, and it sounds like it does, just tell her that you don't want your thunder stolen but that you're super excited for her and would she mind picking a better day (ie a day you'd prefer) that she tell everyone so that you don't feel overshadowed by the "Cute wittle baby to come" because you know how peopel are about babies. Flatter her a little =]

    Attachments

    1. MOH is preggers and announcing it the week of the wedding... :  wedding Img Fave_Runner_3.jpg (38.8 KB, 54 downloads) 1 year old
    2. MOH is preggers and announcing it the week of the wedding... :  wedding Img Fave_Runner_2.jpg (38.8 KB, 48 downloads) 1 year old
    3. MOH is preggers and announcing it the week of the wedding... :  wedding Img Fave_Runner_1.jpg (599.9 KB, 45 downloads) 1 year old
     
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    Worker bee
    gji7    7/7/07   Montana

    As someone who just made this same announcement (not at a wedding, but you know...) AND as someone who had her brand new 4-day old, first grandchild on both sides, niece, etc, etc at her wedding - believe me, nothing is going to take the focus off of you.  While the excitement over the announcement may be big, it only takes a minute before most people move on.  There are congratulations and hugs and all, but it isn't like she's showing up with a new baby.  I was feeling the same way you are about the new niece (when the wedding was being planned and I knew the due date was the same day as my wedding), but even a brand new baby didn't change everyone's focus for very long.  Take a deep breath and know that it will all be alright - and you aren't a bridezilla - you have just been planning this day for a long time and you want it to go right.  Don't worry.  It will.

    Attachments

    1. MOH is preggers and announcing it the week of the wedding... :  wedding Img bridal-bouquet-design-10a.jpg (25 KB, 37 downloads) 1 year old
    2. MOH is preggers and announcing it the week of the wedding... :  wedding Img 82489541.jpg (21 KB, 23 downloads) 1 year old
     
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    ejs4y8    June 20, 2009  

    Who takes a 4 day old baby to a wedding?!?! Ack, germ city! I'd be scared to take mine out of the house! Good to know it didn't ruin your day/wedding at all though!

    My FI's sister is like 8 months preggers at our wedding and IN our wedding. Can't miss her! She's so tiny, then stands sideways and it's like "bam" preggo belly. I can't imagine people will be all clamboring to congratulate her (on her second) but not gonna lie, I kinda wanna be "the big deal" that day and I'm sure I still will be. I figure people can congratulate her after or before they've congratulated me, lol. It's not like your family will be talking to you the ENTIRE night. I think your'e good =]. 

     
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    Bumble bee
    fizicsGirl    8/1/2009   Michigan

    gji7, thanks for that.  My sister (MOH) is due 6 days after our wedding.  I haven't let it bother me too much b/c I'm also excited, but sometimes it does.  Especially last week, I think.  Our uncle passed away and I went back home to be with her (she was in a bad place, and I wanted to be near family).  Tons of family friends came over and every single one spent like 20 minutes asking her about her pregnancy and how hard it must be right now etc and many did not even ask me a thing about getting married at all.  And no one, not even family or friends who are like family, asked me how I was doing.  Was i upset about losing my uncle?  Was it hard to have so many wedding plans looming?

    I think come our wedding things will be different...but maybe not.  I think my main point is that it's perfectly okay to be annoyed, but there's not much you can do about it.  In the end I think your wedding day will be about you...and having news of a new family member will just make it that much more of a joyful occasion.

     
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    gji7    7/7/07   Montana

    @ejs4y8: Well, my brother and sister-in-law did.  My brother was my man-of-honor and the three of them walked down the aisle together - I wouldn't give up those pictures for anything!  Re: germ city - we are in Montana, the wedding was outside and they were well prepared (baby came out for short time periods, people had to wash their hands - even me, etc, etc)...they had the doctors permission.

     

    @fizicsGirl: I think pregnancy (especially once you are showing) is just so "out there" that everyone thinks of it immediately and has a somewhat relatable story.  Most people, unless they are planning or have just planned a wedding don't think about how emotional it can be (fighting over guest lists, etc) and how much stuff you are actually dealing with. Unless you were wearing your veil to the funeral, they probably didn't think about it.  Thats why we all come to communities like this where everyone gets it!  At least you don't have to worry about random people touching your stomach like they think they own it at the wedding!!!

     
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    Bumble bee
    fizicsGirl    8/1/2009   Michigan

    gji7, I know you're right.  It just bugged b/c no one even asked me/comforted me about losing my uncle (forget about wedding stuff).  Anyway, did not want to hijack this thread.

    Just wanted to say to linzella that it's totally okay to be a bit annoyed...even if you're also happy for your sister you can have mixed feelings about her announcing her pregnancy.  We're here for you...

     
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    GaBGal    September 25, 2010  

    Honestly, I would suck it up and be happy for her. I mean... really you get a wedding day, not a wedding week. If I was preggo I would definitely take advantage of telling everyone I love in person. I get why you are annoyed but I would let that be a personal annoyance and not say anything.

     
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    linzella    June 20, 2009   Austin, Texas

    @GaBGal: I am a HUGE Sex and the City fan, and your post made me think of the episode when it's Charlotte's wedding and Carrie is thinking about telling Aiden that she's been cheating.  Anyway, I looked up the quote so that I would get it right....

    Charlotte: Carrie, you're right, you have to tell him. But not before the wedding. It's supposed to be my week.
    Miranda: It's your day. You get a day. Not a week.

    I think you (and SATC) are right.  I get a wedding DAY, so if my sister announces her big news earlier in the week, it's no biggie!  It will just be one more positive thing happening in my family that week.  THANKS SO MUCH to everyone for their support!  I feel 100% better about this than I did earlier today!  MOH is preggers and announcing it the week of the wedding... :  wedding Icon Biggrin

     
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    bellenga    July 31, 2010   Georgia

    Why not let her announce?  It would make it THAT more happy for you and your family!  And in the future, when  your new little one can walk and talk, there may be a "special" picture in her babybook and in your wedding album of the two of you, and she would have a special story about how at the beautiful wedding of her aunt and how it's a celebration of love, the world found out that she/he would be born!

    Nobody can upstage a bride. It is YOUR day but sharing good news with one you love will only make YOUR DAY more special for the entire family and group of friends attending.   THINK longterm here.  Or give her a special moment at either the rehersal dinner or the reception say after your first dance or after a toast to announce.  I think it would be the greatest celebration of love and life!

    This is somebody you LOVE.  Let love rule the week/day of wedding!  This might turn out to be an incredible bonding experience between the two of you and strengthen family ties too!

    Now doing the opposite, might be very unfortunate imho.  I'd let the love flow and the news fly! 

     
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    MsHymanRoth    October 24, 2009   Boston

    Honestly, it won't take away from your big day. You'll still be the glowing, beautiful bride. It will probably be more fun because there will be lots to celebrate!!!!!!!! Imagine your parents! There daughter married, them becoming grandparents! My gosh! Fun.

    Attachments

    1. MOH is preggers and announcing it the week of the wedding... :  wedding Img SV101247.JPG (436.3 KB, 26 downloads) 1 year old
    2. MOH is preggers and announcing it the week of the wedding... :  wedding Img SV101256.JPG (1172 KB, 28 downloads) 1 year old
     
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    December    December 12, 2008   Minneapolis,MN/Jackson,MS

    I'm a BM in a wedding this weekend back in my parent's hometown, and while my parents made the announcement to the extended "family" (the bride and I both grew up in the same small, close-knit church) last week, I was freaking out over people coming up and congratulating me on the pregnancy at the wedding. I told the bride about this, told her that I was going to make sure we did the announcement early so people had time to let it sink in, and she just said it didn't matter to her, that she was so happy for me. She's a really really sweet girl and I can understand having twinges of feeling like your thunder is in danger of being stolen, but unless your sister is the kind of person who is a somewhat underhanded attention hog, don't worry too much about it. If you really want to say something (and she wouldn't be offended by it), ask her if she would say something like, "Oh, yes, we're very excited about the baby, but I'm just SO excited today for my sister -- have you gone over to congratulate her and my new brother-in-law yet?" when people approach her with congratulations. That way you both get a piece of the attention pie. :)

     
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    ejs4y8    June 20, 2009  

    @gji7, At least your fam took precaution, then! I'm sure the pics were beautiful. I'm one of those UBER paranoid people...I used to wait tables and I think I saw every disgusting bad thing a parent can do with their kid. Including let them throw cottage cheese at me. We saw a few days old baby in our restaurant and were like, "OMG NO IT'S NOT CLEAN!" We were so scared to carry plates near it! I plan on hiding out like a creepy hermit with my kids, lol. 

    Anyways, you're right, there will likely be lots of attention pie to be shared anyways. And if your family is ANYTHING like my FI's family, they know *SOMETHING* is up when someone isn't drinking. So it might be more obvious if your sister is suddenly not having champagne at the toast or not having wine, etc.  

     
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    Mrs. DG    July 18, 2009   Seattle/Tahoe

    Babies tend to trump all else (speaking as someone who's med school admission was trumped by a family baby!)  It would be awesome if she could wait until the day after the wedding (brunch maybe)... but if not, just know that the baby will garner lots of attention... though you're still the bride :)

     
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    AnamCara    April 10, 2010   Ireland/Connecticut

    I was on the somewhat opposite side of this type of dilemma earlier this month.  I live in Ireland and was coming home with my boyfriend on the 5th for my brother's wedding which was on the 9th.  My boyfriend proposed on the 4th, the day before we came home for my brother's wedding.  He wanted to be able to be here to share in the excitement with my family and he wanted to propose at a time when I wouldn't be in Ireland bursting to see my family for several weeks or months.  I felt badly that it interfered to some extent with my brother and his bride's 'wedding week' but they were really gracious about it and just as happy for us as everyone else.  I really appreciated this because I'm not particularly close to my now-sister-in-law and while she may have been really annoyed or venting about it to her family she never made me feel bad about the timing. 

     In order to multiply the joys and sorrows of life it's a blessing to share it with the people we love - think of this wonderful news as part of a greater joy - your wedding, your sister's growing family - all happiness shared by your families and friends.  And trust me, once you become an aunt, you'll wonder how you ever lived without that tiny person.  Being an aunt is the best!!!

     
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    GaBGal    September 25, 2010  

    linzella -- That is totally what I was thinking of when I was writing it! Great minds think alike :)

     
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    El Capataz    November 2009   Malvern, PA

    I wanted to know what did your sister do in the end?

     
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    cheese    May 2009   Knoxville

    I have a suggestion, because I agree with the commenter that nothing will take the focus off you... and I will add that even if they do, you won't care.  You'll be in a happy wedding bubble, and it'll matter more how you and your hubby feel than what other people think.  Really.

    Offer to throw her an announcement party!  (or ask if you can make the announcement for her, perhaps at the end of the evening as you leave your party!)... then you're being gracious, you'll get a ton of goodwill for the future, and really, celebrations are that much better with a little bit more love.

    Because really, it's pretty darned exciting... and you'll have a built in way of changing the subject when people ask you if you're having kids... and they totally will, even at your reception.

     
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    PandasWifey    September 26, 2009   Denver, Colorado

    Yeah, I'd be POed. People are gathering for YOUR wedding, she shouldn't try to turn that into something about her. She can wait til the day after.

     

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