- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
What if you gave her something small to be in charge of, like the guest book or being an usher? Something so that you could tell your friend, yes we'd like to have her be a part of our celebration, in this way.
Your daughters should definitely come first, though, I think it's great you're including them.
Thank you both. I am super frustrated and I know that I am going to have to put my foot down and ensure that I get my way. I might change my mind about her being in the ceremony but it is the way that it came about - that she ASSUMED that her daughter would be part of things - especially when I had clearly told her that I wasn't planning on having anyone BUT my daughters in the ceremony but added her in later because we had always said that we would. Feh!
I agree with your feelings about only having your children. This is a special opportunity for thm to bond with their new stepdad. This isn't like a lot of first time brides who don't have their own children yet. Your MOH's girl will seem a little out of place in the bridal party, the same as your own children, IMO. Frnakly, I think she is being unreasonable. If she's a single mom, and is saying that she needs to take her daughter with her OOT, OK. Maybe as your bff you can offer to pay for a sitter. Maybe you could even bend the rules a bit to allow her to bring her daughter to the wedding and reception. I also like the idea of putting her in charge of some other duty.
I had always planned on her attendance so that isn't an issue. I guess what is bothering me is that my daughters need to be as involved as possible (they are 17 and 9) and my oldest is standing as the "best girl" while my friend is my MOH. That leaves my youngest needing a special place that is all hers if you know what I mean? She is needing a place to shine and feel involved and I think that putting my niece there too takes away from my daughters special role in the wedding.
The idea of offering her something else to do is a good one although my BFF will, I can almost guarantee, want to dress her in the wedding colours etc. etc. so she might as well be in the wedding party.
*frustrated*
I am by no means an expert in bridal parties, but could she still be a flower girl at 8? I can't imagine any young girl saying no to that (I am still sad I never got to be one!), and I am considering asking a 7 year old to be a flower girl for our ceremony ... I mean really, there are no "rules" on this right? That way she could still walk down the aisle, but still have a "lower" role than your daughters. I don't know though, tough call - sucks your MOH has to be so insistent ...
Yeah, i'm having an 8 year old flowergirl and so did my mom... in fact, if your youngest was sort of an "unofficial flowergirl," like carried a pomander and wore wedding colors and got to stand up there with you, i think that would look amazing!
But, let me get this straight:
You want your daughters to feel as included as possible, and having them as the only children automatically makes them a big deal.
Your friend insists on her daughter being a part of the ceremony no matter what.
Well, I gotta say, I think you should do what your children would want--do they want to share the spotlight, or would they rather have the day feel special to them, too? If you have to put your foot down, do it for your kids.
I don't think it is a huge deal if MOH's daughter wears the wedding colors. Obviously you know your daughters better than anyone else, so only you can make the call if it would affect them.
Another option to make your girls feel extra special is to actually include them as a part of the ceremony. You and your FI can say vows to the girls and give them necklaces or even rings. They can also have tokens or necklaces that they give to you during the ceremony, cementing you as a family. In addition to your marriage license, you could create your own family contract about always loving and supporting each other that everyone signs. They could do readings. Your officiant could definitely include them in whatever he/she says. I can envision an officiant asking the girls what this marriage means to them beforehand and then including what they say into his/her words in the ceremony. That would mean a lot more to me than wearing wedding the colors.
OH man.. this is a toughie and I really don't have anything helpful to contribute except for this:
If it is unthinkable that your bestfriend not be your MOH, tread very carefully here. My best friend of 23yrs (now, former) and I broke off our friendship 3 or 4 months after my engagement because of some crazy wedding misunderstanding and because she felt left out of something. Wedding plans can make or break friendships. I know that everyone will tell you "do what YOU want, it's YOUR day" but I also know that doing what you want won't feel good if you hurt the people you love as you go along. So just.. be verrrry careful, choose your words carefully also. As i've said to many Bee's on this site.. if these are your closest friends.. and you explain things well enough, all along keeping things light hearted but firm, they will understand where you are coming from if they love you and want you to be happy on your big day. that being said.. i think only one side is going to be understanding and be watching out for the others happiness and well being. i just hope it's your friend, watching out for yours.
good luck sweetie.. xoxo
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Rojocameo | 16 |
| Rivendeler | 15 |
| Suikerbossie | 9 |
| ellisrobertson | 9 |
| kat2014 | 8 |
| Future Mrs K | 8 |
| lionskitty | 8 |
| couawilou | 7 |
| keranos | 7 |
| fivemonthsnotice | 7 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| NotAnotherAnonBee | 2 |
| Sasha2011 | 1 |
| redheadem | 1 |
 sylvia.riggle |
1 |
| shychigirl | 1 |
| Future Tompkins | 1 |
We are in the very beginning stages of planning the wedding and by beginning I mean that we are going to get married someday when we can afford it - hopefully in the next two years. My best friend is going to be my MOH. It's a given. What is upsetting me however, is that she wants her daughter to be in the wedding.
Normally, that wouldn't be an issue but I am trying very hard to ensure that my daughters have a special place within the ceremony because I am marrying someone who is not their father. My oldest is going to stand as witness for my sweetheart and my youngest will be a bridesmaid. BFF's daughter is 8 now - too old to be a flower girl and frankly, I am not sure that I want her in the ceremony at all.
My friend is all "wherever I go, my daughter goes" and I am getting irritated. Her daughter is invited to a wedding where there are NO children other than my own invited. Most likely, it will be an overnight wedding celebration at a very significant cost of 140.00 to 160.00 per person WITHOUT paying for the room at the B&B we are considering. She has offered, freely to pay for anything that is necessary for her daughter from the dress to flowers and hair so that isn't an issue but damn, I just don't know what to do with this.
She won't budge on this issue, knowing her. Not having her as my MOH is unthinkable we have been friends for forever. I love her daughter but I don't want to have her in my wedding and I don't know how to nicely tell her that.