- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2011
I have such a close knit group of friends that I am equally close to. When i got engaged I knew I wasn’t the type of person to have a huge bridal party, I just am not that into a ton of attention. Besides, the economy sucks and being in a wedding is expensive and can cause a lot of stress on people. I just didn’t want that. I figured that I couldn’t choose 1 person as my only attendant out of my group of friends so that I would choose a close cousin of mine. Her, her sister and I have grown up almost like sisters and since she was taking some vacation time from Med School she had spent a significant amount of time with the FI and I. I figured it would be an obvious choice. My Mom is the oldest of 4 sisters and all of us cousins and aunts have grown up together….when my mom was prego with my younger brother my MOH’s mom was also prego and because my mom gave birth to the first boy of the family just 3 days before MOh’s mom, there were major jealousy issues. This is the kind of family my MOH comes from.
Anyway, we decided as girls that we would never let this catty stuff get in between us. Well, all that changed when I got engaged. Even though I am the oldest of the group of cousins, there has been a ton of drama surrounding my wedding. My MOH had graduated from Medical School and her mom was throwing her a graduation party. since we live about 7 hours away in a car my mother decided that since we were in town to hold a causal engagement dinner the night before the graduation party. My aunt and cousins were so pissed that I was “stealing the thunder” from my MOH’s “weekend”. We were out of towners! Just drove there for her party on a saturday, isn’t there room for all of our family’s accomplishments?!!! Her sister and Mom barely spoke to me and made it very clear and said to my face that it was unforgiveable to have an engagement dinner on the same weekend as her daughters (my MOH) graduation party.
Fast forward a few months later…my MOH’s sister is not talking to me and neither is my aunt. My MOH has not contacted me about ANYTHING wedding. I have called her several times to talk about the goings on in her life and her job before I mention anything related to the wedding. She never asks, always makes it about how important her life is now that she is a doctor. I even drove up to see her for a weekend. She has never asked to see what wedding dress I chose. The only duty I asked of her was to pick out her dress. She said she really didn’t have time and asked that I send her pics of dresses and she will choose. So i did. She had the nerve to say that she “wasn’t crazy about it” but fine.
Took her 3 months to finally call in measurements. She deferred my shower to my aunt and had no plans on doing or planning a bachelorette or anything. Her mom just doesn’t understand how her daughter isn’t the one getting married, because she is a doctor and how I managed to get married. My MOH’s mom (my aunt) has made comments to me throughtout the entire process that her daughter needs to find her “BILLY”. (FI’s name) and that I am so very lucky to have found him. She always insists taht I realize just how lucky I AM TO HAVE HIM. He’s lucky too dammit!!!
No communication from MOH. She has not been asked to be or involved in anything wedding, I guess I just assuemd that if someone was genuine and loved you that they would WANT to at least show some care of interest. That was all I was asking. We set up a wedding website that has an IP tracker for some reason (that is my FI’s business). My MOH has been on our site over 50 times and has never signed the guest book. sooooo weird…
Being jealous is one thing, but to not even have the manners to at least fake it?? I have had to hold my feelings in for over a year now and we are less than 3 months away from the wedding. I called her and told her I needed to talk to ther about this and that I in no way would ever want my wedding to be a burden on someone else. I told her that I really needed her over this past year and she was no where to be found and that I am not mad and that I love her but that it is obvious that she has no time or capacity to be my MOH. It isn ‘t like i have a whole bridal party to fall back on, she is it! I offerred to reimburse her for her dress and that I am looking forward to seeing her at the bridal shower that she deferred.
Her response was, “you’re right, I don’t have time to be involved. And when I do have time, your wedding isn’t the first thing I think of” well there you have it. Looks like it was a positive decision on both of our ends. I ended the conversation with, “I love you, but I know that when you are in this position you will want to have someone there that not only can be there but wants to be there.”
Haven’t heard from her since but recently found out that not only her, but her sister and her mom will not be attending my bridal shower.
what do you think about this?