MOH Issue After Wedding- Long sorry

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 4
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee

That’s very odd. But you reached out a few times, so I’d let it go and let her come to me when she’s ready. Enjoy your newlywed bliss 🙂

Post # 5
Member
1491 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

My guess on this is either she does NOT like your husband at all (ignoring him at all functions, the dig about “supporting him”, etc) or her new relationship is not all peaches and cream and rainbows.  When girls change their behavior almost 180 like this girl, I always figure that it there is a new relationship that is not entirely kosher (a bad influence will almost always negatively impact the girl’s relationship with her friends).   

 

I don’t know what you can do about it, but at least you had a wonderful day and enjoyed yourself! Congrats on being married and enjoy the newlywed life!   

Post # 6
Member
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

When someone wants to walk out of your life…..LET THEM!

I would let it go.  Stop all contact with her.  Maybe she’ll come around maybe she won’t but there is no reason you need to chase her.  She should be justifying HER actions to you….not the other way around.

Oh and ummmm this?

” I wouldnt marry anyone I had to support”

Then bitch should NEVER get married.  Unless her one-day husband has a guaranteed job and income for life with no chance of ever being laid off or having an accident that would put him on disability.  What person says they wouldn’t want to support the person they’re marrying.  THAT’S HOW IT WORKS.

 

I’m not sure what her problem is.  It sounds very strange.

 

Post # 8
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@WinterBride1414:  I would agree with the rest…. let her be. unfortunately she may be willing to throw that relationship away!

Post # 9
Member
1253 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@WinterBride1414:  Sounds like the type who are too used to getting their way and being the center of attention.  I am guessing everyone else has kind of just figured “guess she’s not worth it, I’ll let it go” so she has continued on thinking she is right that others are “alientating” her, and that her bitchy behaviour is totally justified. 

I say you break the chain and tell her exactly what she did.  She needs to know that she was unsupportive, selfish, and overtly tried to keep things from going well for you (shooting people looks when they wanted to help). You can tell she not only was the one alienating herself from you, but from everyone else as well. Tell her everyone noticed her behaviour, and so this is not a case of the whole world being wrong and her right – obviously she is the wrong one.  

Even if she won’t meet you, I’d send that to her in a letter. Otherwise she’ll just go on losing friends because she doesn’t realize how absurd her behaviour is.  Sounds to me like she is already trying to sever the friendship, so you have little to nothing to lose from doing this.

Post # 10
Member
808 posts
Busy bee

@WinterBride1414:  She definitely sounds over dramatic. It sounds like you’ve tried and she’s still being difficult – leave her alone and let her come to you. It’s a slightly different situation, but I used to try really hard with my ex-best friend to get her to meet up etc but she was always ‘busy’ and made no effort back. It made me really angry and sad for a bit, but when I decided to just let it go and make no effort with her either, it made me feel MUCH better! (I don’t dislike her and we still get on well, but only ever see each other in group situations).

Post # 11
Member
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@arabbel:  Yea.  I originally said let it be but this is fine advice too.

Write her a letter (not an email where she can easily fire off something back to you which might cause you to get emotional and start fighting) at least then you can get it off of your chest.  It could be a good thing.   There’s nothing wrong with calling someone out on their behavior as long as you’re being honest and not doing it with the intention of shaming them.

You’re disappointed in her….so tell her why.  There’s nothing bitchy, immature or snarky about that.  

Post # 12
Member
852 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@WinterBride1414:  i had some issues with a bridesmaid throughout the entire wedding process.  She made everything 10x harder than it needed to be.  Towards the end, I just gave up getting her on board with things and just let her do things her way even if it meant that she really was not part of the weddding anymore).  The day of the wedding was not much better but I really had 125 other people to worry about…..

Fast forward after the wedding…. I spent months going back and forth in my head (and speaking with my MOH and DH) about whether I should bring up the wedding with her.  I finally had a talk with her a few weeks ago.  While I do not agree with what she said (and was quite taken back by the selfishness of her thinking) I feel much better….. In many ways I wish I had done it sooner……

Our relationship will never be the same (what she put me through and what she said was a bit more than I could ever forget) but at least I have some peace of mind…..

As for you, I think you have done enough…. wait for her to come to you…… it sounds like there is a lot going on with her (new boyfriends can either bring out the best or the worst in people, weddings can also bring out the best or worst in people)….. There will be times when you think about her and her behavior… when this happens talk to someone that was there for you during your wedding or your new DH…. it is hard when a good friend really lets you down during such a huge event……. 

Post # 13
Member
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

She’s not happy with herself, therefore, she can’t be happy for you!! The clear test of someone being secure within themselves and relationships is when they can be happy for someone else.

 

I would let her leave, you shouldn’t have to plead for someones friendships. Good, honest relationships happen naturally.

Post # 14
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Her behavior is definitely really odd. Did she ever show signs of not liking your husband while the two of you were dating or engaged? The way you describe it, her antagonism against him surfaced through the wedding, and that just seems weird to me. 

Post # 15
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2009

It seems like you have tried to reach out.  If someone doesn’t want to talk to you than you can’t pry them.  Its unfortunate but I went through the same sort of thing when I got married.  You will find that many of your friendships will change when you get married and not everyone will be happy for you.  I would just enjoy my newlywed status and let her come around (if she chooses).  If she chooses not to than that is her loss.  I know it hurts but hang in there!

Post # 16
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee

I would give her some space and then try and reengage. Maybe she will forget why she’s upset to begin with.

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