MOH Issue: How do I respond?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
3514 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

ShabbyChicBee:  I know you let go the “fool” comment and good for you!! As far as her telling you how much she spent TWICE that would piss me off. I’m so huge on if you’re gonna do something for someone do it out of the kindness of your heart not because you want them to return the favor or money in this case. I was a MOH before and spent a few share of money on my friend’s wedding but I would NEVER tell her how much or expect it back.

If I were you I would NOT give her the money back unless she truly pushes the issue because HELLO you paid for her dress and all that good stuff and your wedding is 10 days you don’t have time for this non-sense. Buttttt that’s just me lol

Post # 3
2915 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

Meh I’m sure you were both “wasted” as you said. I would have let the fool comment go before it even became an argument. I mean, I understand  getting testy about it in the drunken moment, but in the sober light of day I don’t see why you both didn’t put it behind you. Forget it and move on…alcohol makes people emotional.

About the money – I would not give her any. She planned the party. She incurred the fees. 

Post # 4
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

She spent 300$ and she expects you to pay 150$? You had a fun time, don’t let 150$ ruin your friendship and your wedding.  You had a drunken argument over nothing? Don’t let that spoil your mood.  You’re feeling really stressed 10 days before your wedding? Don’t blame that on your MOH.

When a friend is disrespectful and their presence is toxic to your life- that’s the time to stop being a doormat and end the friendship.  When you’ve had a little spat, you act like a grown-up and forgive and forget.  

Post # 6
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2017


ShabbyChicBee:  I’d be really annoyed too, I actually have a friend like that. We always end up buying each other stuff and she’ll constantly be like “pay me back” but i always end up purchasing things for her. But anyway.. If you know your friend is stressed or struggling (not that you said she was) maybe you could offer to pay some of it back just out of the kindness of your heart. When she planned your party she should have known it was going to cost her a little bit of cash. but to some people 300 would break the bank or cause major stress, and if that is the case she shouln’t have offered to host the party. I would try to talk to her about it again and just send her a quick message on fb and say that you’d like to speak with her when you get a new phone, because any type of message can be taken wrong. Good luck on your situation and I hope this doesn’t ruin your friendship.

Post # 7
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

ShabbyChicBee:  I don’t really understand being upset about the “fool” comment but okay!  Regarding the money, personally I never would have asked her if she needed money, you’re all big girls and sometimes we go out and spend too much!  Like you said, you never asked her to do any of this for you so what she spent was in her hands!

But now that you did say that…. I guess you’ll have to offer her money if she responds that she does! Whoops!

Post # 9
1668 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

ShabbyChicBee:  well…good for you for standing up to the way she spoke, and as far as the money – when someone accepts the role of a bridesmaid, you accept the cost, esp as a MOH. i would leave that be.

Post # 8
7281 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

She may be flat out stunned at the amount she spent. That’s on her. IMO, there is no reason for you to say anything. Let it all be water under the bridge and move on to a new subject.

Post # 11
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

ShabbyChicBee:  I think you are completely overreacting. I don’t see anything wrong with what you MOH said, either about the money or the “fool” thing. You’re being super sensitive over absolutely nothing. And it does make you sound ungrateful.

Post # 13
2473 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

ShabbyChicBee:  If she says it again, I’d say something like, “I’ve been there! One weekend I went out and spent $xxx and didn’t realize it until later!”

If she wants to be reimbursed for some of the costs, she needs to be talking to the other bridesmaids, not you. 

Post # 14
1769 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I’d probably give her the $300 to just shut her up and be done w/it.  Sounds unpleasant & I would want her to let it go before the wedding.  Seems like she’s passive aggressive.  She is upset that you said there was even one little thing you didn’t like about the night, she says she let it go, but she hasn’t, and now she keeps repeating the amount she spent to you, but won’t say that she wants you to give her the money.  I don’t give gifts or spend money on ppl that I don’t want to & nobody “owes me” for the things I willingly do for them.  She doesn’t seem the same.  I’d just give her the money w/o asking her about it first so she stops harping on it.  If she refuses the money, I’d say, please just let it go- take the money or not, but will you please stop bringing it up or say whatever it is you want to say now and then be actually, really, and finally done with it because otherwise how you are acting is tarnishing all of my great memories of that night.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  Shkragoldfish.
Post # 15
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

ShabbyChicBee:  I wouldn’t do either. I would assume she was just chatting… like “wow I spent $300! crazy huh?” …yeah that’s pretty crazy…

“Yup just checked my bank account! $301.19!” You were right, that’s nuts…

I wouldn’t offer her money. It doesn’t sound like she was angry about it. I wouldn’t be upset unless she said “I spent $300 and I didn’t want to so you need to reimburse me”

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