- 5 years ago
So I have been BEST friends with this girl for over seven years. She is like a sister to me. I would do ANYTHING for her. My fiance and I payed for her ENTIRE baby shower and she even named us godparents to her son. Like I said I would do anything for this girl.
So naturally when you are nine months pregnant and due in about a week and a half you are bound to be tired and moody. Well, I am not sure if she is just moody or if there is an underlying problem.
A few months ago after I announced my engagement I naturally asked my childhood best friend to be my maid of honor and I also asked a friend from my trade school (yes I have two maids of honor). She immediately said yes but she was very nonchalent about the entire thing. She didn’t even congratulate me. I just immediately assumed it was due to the fact that she is heavily pregnant and she doesn’t get very much sleep and the father of the baby was giving her shit for dumb things. So I let several weeks pass by before talking to her about anything wedding related. I originally wanted to get married in Manhattan beach but it was WAY too expensive so my fiance and I decided to get married at the Mandalay Beach in Las Vegas. I called up my best friend to tell her the good news and she didn’t answer. So I sent her a Facebook message and all she said was “oh that’s cool.” I’ll admit that I was pretty hurt. Then about twenty minutes later she sends me this LONG message saying that she couldn’t be my maid of honor because she just couldn’t afford it witht the baby on the way and all of her other expenses that she took the liberty of listing (she got in a car accident so she has to pay back her parents $2300 in car repair, her insurance sky rocketed a couple hundred dollars, her mom had to get a hysterectomy so she was out of work, and her dad was laid off and his unemployment ran out and she had to help them come up with $2100 for their mortgage payment, plus gas, plus her medi-cal ran out and they said she owed them $600 and plus she has to pay the hospital for her labor costs, etc etc). She told me she didn’t want to let me down especially after how much we have helped her with her pregnancy. (Buying the majority of the nursery, going to all her doctor appointment, paying for her baby shower, etc etc literally the list goes on and on). I was so bummed out. I’ll admit I cried pretty hard because I was so devestated that my best friend couldn’t be in my wedding. So my fiance offered to pay for everything, her dress, shoes, hotel and lodge. EVERYTHING.
Naturally I was estatic! So I messaged her back saying that she didn’t have to worry about anything because we would pay for everything. She said “Oh okay but I can’t be in your wedding still because of the baby.” And I said well he can come to our wedding, he is our godson so of course we want him there. She responded with she didn’t want her son in Vegas and neither did her parents (And let me just add that a few weeks before she was saying on Facebook that she wanted to go to Vegas for her birthday next April and have a “mommy and son trip”). She also went on to say that he would be so little and he would only be eight months old and she would have to breast feed every four hours for twenty minutes so she couldn’t be in my wedding. I kind of just laughed and said that no one was going to stop her from feeding her son. She just said well I don’t know where I will be in a year from now so it’s hard to say.
So I talked to my fiance and we offered her to move it to our hometown to better accomodate her. I excidetly messaged her saying that if we moved our wedding to a local venue would that be easier to her and she said “oh yeah I would definitely be there but I still can’t be your maid of honor.” I was so confused. I asked her why can’t she by my maid of honor when it wasn’t in Vegas and she didn’t have to pay for anything. She said “Because I can’t commit to dancing at the reception and I would still have to pay for your bacherlorette party”. I was so baffled because I never said anything about dancing and I specifically told my bridesmaids that I didn’t care if I had a party or not. It’s not important to me. Then she said “I am so sorry I don’t want to let you down. I just don’t know how the baby is going to act. I just don’t want him crying at your wedding. I can’t be your maid of honor but I will be in the front row and I will put a muzzle on my baby lol” At that point I was just so devestated that all I told her was “all kids cry Michelle. i will talk to you later.”
Naturally, the next day she was talking to me about how her ex boyfriend was giving her all sorts of problems. It was if nothing had happened. I just couldn’t stand it anymore so I told her that I was very upset with her because I have been there for her when no one else was. I never complained when we had to scrimp and save to buy her nursery stuff or pay for her baby shower. I didn’t complain when seh called in the middle of the night crying multiple times. I never said one word when she had all of her mood swings. I am her best friend and I would do anything for her but it feels like she wasn’t there for me anymore. I told her I didn’t want to seem selfish but that for once I want it to be about me. I explained that I felt she was making excuses because we made it so she didn’t have to pay a penny and she still couldn’t take five hours out of her day to be there for us on our wedding day. She got SO mad at us and said that “we were punishing her for our decision to get married” and that “it’s not like you have been planning this forever” and that “we were choosing to make it a big wedding and as our friend she knows our financial situation and that is unrealistic of us”. She even went as far as to tell me what kind of future will you have with a man who doesn’t bring in enough money and that I was rushing in to getting married because I wanted to move out of his family’s house. She had no place to say any of those things and I made that clear to her.
She broke down and said that she really isn’t loving life right now because she is 19, pregnant, jobless, didn’t graduate high school, and the father is out of the picture. She said life always deals her and I bad cards. She was adopted and I was in foster care. Naturally that tells you neither of us had the “ideal” childhood but she has chosen to feel sorry for herself. My life has not been a walk in the damn park but I love life and I am grateful for everything and I choose to look at the positive in my life instead of the negative. God has blessed me with a loving fiance, my younger brother and sister who are my world, a high school diploma, and an education in cosmetology. He gave me the roof over my head, the food in my stomach, the air in my lungs. I can’t complain about anything. She told me I was inconsiderate of her feelings and that I wouldn’t understand because my life is “perfect” compared to hers. Honestly, how sorry can I feel for her now? I mean if she would have protected herself and went to school and didn’t quit her job she wouldn’t be in this situation. All of her actions have consequences right?
So a few weeks went by and she refused to talk to me. Now she is barely talking to me. She told me she still wants me in the delivery room with her and I thought we weremaking progress….until i asked her if her son could be our ring bearer and that we would pay for his outfit but she would have to carry him lol she responded with “we’ll see. I can’t really commit to anything right now.” What the hell have I done?? Why is she not happy for me? Why is she not being there for us but has no problem with me being there for her? I don’t get it. Am I being unresonable? I don’t have any children but I feel like she is overreacting. Sorry for the REALLY long story. I just wanted to explain it properly so I could get an accurate answer.