(Closed) MOH Likely Won't Attend DW (because of husband)

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2488 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I am sorry you are going through this.

Post # 4
Member
6750 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@LJZ000:  I agree that she should be a stronger person and put her foot down.  However, sometimes people lie and say their SO won’t “let” them do stuff that they themselves don’t want to do – maybe she cannot afford to fly to Hawaii and didn’t think about it before?  Considering she’s a SAHM, I’m not sure if they’re living confortably on one income or not, but it’s just a thought.  There’s really nothing you can do short of asking her to choose between you and her husband.  If you tell her that she absolutely must be there, she will have to fight with her husband to do that.  So, if she’s saying she can’t, let her do the MOH duties and “promote” one of your other BMs as your MOH and have them stand in her place at the wedding.  It sucks, but at least she wants to help out with everything else wedding related.  I’m sorry you’re going through this and that she didn’t tell you earlier.  You have every right to be mad/upset, but I don’t think that it will help you.  You can’t force her to go, if she doesn’t want to (enough to either come up with the money or to stand up to her husband or to overcome whatever it is keeping her from coming).  Just tell her to tell you as soon as possible so you can come up with another MOH for the actual wedding.  It’s not fair to you for her to not tell you ASAP. 

Post # 5
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

She probably agreed back when it was still just an idea being thrown around (as far as she knew). Then she realized it wasn’t possible for her to pay that much to do this. It sounds like she is using her DH as an excuse to hide behind.

Post # 6
Member
1964 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Is this the first controlling behaviour you have seen? or is it common place for this sort of thing to happen? If it’s not common I would probably agree with other bees that there might be some other reason she is uncomfortable telling you, like finances etc.

Also just a side note…you might not want to use your email address as your user name. it makes it really easy to trace your posts back to you.

Post # 7
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

@LJZ000:  I guess you’ll just have to respect that each couple/relationship is different.  She is right, she should have talked things over with her DH before she committed to you.  Never in a million years would I commit to something that A) Would be a large expense and B) Required traveling a good distance, without talking to my DH.  So yes, you can be irritated that she had a miscommunication on her part, but it’s nothing worth ending a friendship over.

What if a friend was asking you to do something that was causing tension between you and your SO?  Like I said, every relationship is different and if you want to keep your friendship, you’ll have to respect that.

My best friend of 20+ years couldn’t make it to my wedding.  She knew about my wedding with plenty of time to save up (different scenario than yours) but in the end, decided not to come b/c she felt the money would be better used elsewhere.  And you know what?  IT WAS OK.  She is still my BFF and never in a million years would I hold her not attending my wedding against her.  Her and her DH decided together that attending my wedding wasn’t the best thing at the moment for her and I had to respect that decision. 

 

Post # 8
Member
4973 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@LJZ000:  I’m wondering why he thinks flying over the ocean is different than flying over land (or is that just an excuse for him)? 30,000 feet in the air is still 30,000 feet in the air. 😉

Sorry you are going through this, but it doesn’t sound promising. Maybe she’s hoping you’ll let her off the hook. She probably is afraid to tell you know because you will be heartbroken/upset.

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