(Closed) MOH no longer my best friend..

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

At first I was thinking, “All this over a phone”, but I guess she had alot of anger that she has been holding in and this was the last straw.

I think you should own up to the way you treated her, even if you think she is wrong. Apologize and say you don’t want to lose her friendship. That you will try to change the way you treat her and that you were not aware of how rude you were being. This could be a learning experience for both of you.

Post # 4
Member
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

I think she just needs some time to calm down. It sounds like she’s got some of her own problems going on and that being in your wedding was maybe taxing on her in some way, but she did it happily nonetheless and is just emptionally exhausted now. I’d let it go and give her some space and see how it goes from there. I would be totally willing to appologize to her and to make amends.

Post # 5
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

@Cady:  I agree, I doubt this is just over the phone.

OP: When you get your phone call her and talk to her. I am guesing that she has flt underappreciated for a while and just exploded.

Post # 6
Member
5978 posts
Bee Keeper

This sounds like a lot of pent up anger that she’s had over the last year. I’d maybe take a look back to see how you treated her over that year and if you’ve really been pretty demanding of her. I wouldn’t want to lose my BFF’s friendship over mailing a phone vs. arranging for someone to pick it up. That just seems silly to me. I agree with PPs who say to give her some space and contact her later. 

Post # 7
Member
5786 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

This sounds like its gotten completely out of hand. I don’t see why you’d write her off completely over a fight. Friends fight. I’d just give it time, try to see things from her point of view and reach out later to talk about your friendship. If this isn’t the first time she’s brought up stuff like this have you tried to change your behavior?

There are times when I am crazy busy and I know if my friend kept bugging me about the particular way she wanted me to get her phone back to her I’d probably snap too.

Post # 8
Member
8884 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Please don’t lose a friendship over a phone. When you get your phone, call her and talk to her. It’s not worth losing a best friend.

Post # 9
Member
3472 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

Tensions are often high after a wedding– especially when you MOH is a good friend, wedding planning can kind of “tip the scale” of a friendship.  My sister went through a similar thing with her best friend who was the co-MOH with me (since I lived 400 miles away and coulnd’t help with a lot of the wedding stuff). 

Anyway, for the past year, your focus, and her’s has been on your wedding.  She has put a lot of time and energy into making your dream come true, and she’s feeling burned out.  Then, when she finally thought it was over– you asked for another favor… And it sounds like it was the straw that broke the camel’s back.  

Again, I think you both just need to take a bit of time to recoup and cool off.  Hopefully, despite this argument, you’ll still send her a lovely thank-you note letting her know you apprecieate all her hard work for the wedding, and how amazing you thought her speech was. Then, maybe in a month or two you could ask her if she’d like to go out for a girl’s day just the two of you, your treat.  

I’m not saying you were “wrong” to have the past year be about you and your wedding– but I can understand your friend’s frustration that she’s worked so hard and is feeling a bit drained from the whole scenario. 

Post # 10
Member
494 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

It sounds like she was a great MOH and got upset when you balked because she wouldn’t take time out of her day to go to the post office and mail your phone to you. And then your fiance got involved?  If I were her I would be pissed too.  I wouldn’t let the friendship go because of something so trivial.  Just listen to her, try to defend yourself, and try to salvage the friendship. This is clearly about so much more than a cell phone.

Post # 11
Member
970 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

While I agree this goes beyond just the issue of mailing the phone, I think you mishandled the situation from the beginning.

First, you ask her for a favor. I understand it wasn’t out of line to ask, and it isn’t the biggest deal in the world, but the point is, it was a favor. When you ask a favor, you must understand it is up to the person to decide to do it. A favor is not something you can demand. She declined and asked about an alternate arrangement. Your husband sent her back a message telling her to do it. Mistake #1. Your friend overreacted, but your husband shouldn’t have gotten involved and you shouldn’t have kept demanding that she do something she already said she didn’t want to do.

Sounds like it was the straw that broke the camel’s back with her and just reaffirmed her feelings that you are self centered (not saying that’s the truth, it’s just how it appears she feels).

Post # 13
Member
9629 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

My best friend and I have had some doozies of disagreements throughout the years, but we’ve always patched it up in the end, no matter what the argument was about.  I agree with the PP’s – it’s not worth losing her friendship over something this minor.  Both of you need to apologize to each other, IMO. 

Post # 14
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I agree, give her some time to cool down and talk to her later. You sound like you are a very good person, please do not take this the wrong way, but I don’t like when people use the “because you’re my best friend” justification for asking someone to go out of their way for them. If a person, best friend or not, tells you they are not able to perform a favor for you, that is THAT. The whole definition of a favor is that it entirely benefits Person A, while Person B does all the work for Person A to get that benefit. You have to be very polite and obliging when asking for favors in any context if you don’t want people getting angry at you. It’s rude to push, even if they are your best friend. It actually is pretty manipulative to say “but you should do this, because you’re my bestie.” She is probably very busy with her own life, and if it’s the same for her as it is for me, getting to my out-of-the-way post office is a huge hassle and plus, it costs money to mail it. Giving it to your mom is free. Being the bigger person and apologizing to her for this will probably help get your friendship back on track.

Post # 15
Member
4322 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You might want to tactfully suggest that your DH not respond to messages from your friends unless you ask him to – it sounds like you were unaware he did this.  Honestly, if I had been your MOH and said that I had made arrangements with your mom and then had a message from your husband reiterating the request, I would feel somewhat attacked.  This was between you and her.

Post # 16
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

If she said she was making arrangements to have your mother pick it up, it should have been left at that. Your husband shouldn’t have got involved and took it upon himself to text her regarding an issue between the two of you. Just my opinion…..

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