Weddingbee boards

So, here's the situation, of which I totally feel strange "venting" on here and to honest this is my first time doing so. I guess I am not so much "venting" as I am trying to find solitude in that I am possibly not alone in my situation and that I can get some feedback or objectivity on this confusing senario! ugh! 

I have a girlfriend that I have been close to for about 8 years. She has been a constant in my life and a big supporter of my and my FH relationship. She and I have always had a pretty much effortless relationship. It has just always worked for the most part. No drama, no jealousy. blah blah. So, upon getting engaged I did what some newly excited engaged chicks do and asked her right away if she was available to be my MOH. Note the word "available". The reason I say this is because she is currently in a PHD program and works fulltime. She is busy and I respect that. I always have. She immediatley said yes and said that we would find ways to make our schedules work.

So, I have had to find all the ways to make it work. I feel as if I have been planning a wedding for the 3 of us. I changed our menu becuase she is a vegan and she has always talked about how there is never anything to eat at the weddings she goes to. I did this becasue I wanted to. Call it co-dependancy because it probably is. :) The day of my first dress fitting she didn't come becasue she had a "girls luncheon" to attend. The bridal shower was planned around a schedule she gave me and then said she couldn't come due to having school. This left me very confused and baffled really. The shoes I ordered her were wrong, she was unable to come get her dress with the rest of girls. There was a weekend she was coming to stay with me (she lives about an hour away) and never called and didn't show after I took a Fri off work to hang out with her. I still haven't mentioned it to her. Bascially, thank god I also have a Matron of Honor who has been there for me every step of the way as far as planning the shower and  attending appointments and stuff. Throughout all of this the poeple around me, FH, Matron of Honor, FMIL, etc all have said that I am accomating far more than I should be and why not make it easier on everybody and just have her be a guest at the wedding. This way the pressure is off and she can enjoy herself and I can relax as well. This didn't go over very  well. I was really kind and stated that I respect her busy life and admire her schedule but that it wasn;t working with the plans and that it was ok. I suggested she be a guest and  this way she can enjoy herself and not be stressed. I went into our conversation thinking she would be relieved. She was angry and quickly said she had to go. Next thing I know, 2 months went by, we sent out our invites a couple weeks ago and hers came back with a "regretfully decline" X through the response. This is very unlike my friend. I do not feel I should contact her. Im too hurt and I also feel as though she should contact me at this point. I am amazed she does  not see herself as unavailable.

 Does anyone relate? I am bummed. :(

heather25 you are totally right in that I do know I could have gone to more lengths to see what was going on. there were severla times i attempted to "check  in" to see if this was adding stress or if she was ok. I never got a clear answer.

thank you V. i realize there should have been more efforts to communicate my dissapointment. i felt like she should've realized her unavailability and that i didn't  need to call her out on it. i guess i wanted her to see her own selfishness. it just makes me a bit sad. i have to let it go. you all have great points. thanks. ;-)