Post # 1
Hi all, my maid of honor is not contributing much or if anything to my wedding. I know other’s are probably not going to care about my event as much as I do but this is really bothering me. Please let me know your opinion’s of my story.
First of all I’m planning this wedding without parental support financially or otherwise (long story). I recently moved but will be going back to my hometown for the wedding. This is my beef with the Maid/Matron of Honor. First I told all the girls I didn’t care what style their dress was as long as it was the same color (clover). I suggested db’s seperates because I wanted everyone to get a dress they felt comfortable in and liked. My Maid/Matron of Honor (who hasn’t even helped call around for quotes, dj or anything) calls me one day and tells me she can’t afford her dress the only item that’s mandatory and she’s completely backing out of the wedding. I tried to comprimise by telling her how about the db outlet? They have dresses for $30. She apparently didn’t like that idea and instead went to non bridal shop and wanted to buy a pink charlotte russe cocktail dress (my colors are clover and blush) After I told her that would be okay she went tried it on and said that it just wasn’t happening because it didn’t look good. I don’t have time to stress over her dress and wish she would figure this out herself as she hasn’t helped much. She keeps saying she can’t afford her dress but the cocktail dress she tried on is a $7 difference from david’s bridal’s outlet.
She even put on her facebook how she’s going to drive an hour to try to spot a Kardashian that’s in town. Which pissed me off because she obviously has money to drive for this ridicoulous thing but not $30 for a dress? So tell me am I being unreasonable? I’m at the point where I want to tell her just forget about it but her boyfriend is a groomsmen.
Post # 3
It’s sounds quite selfish of her. You pick someone to be the Maid/Matron of Honor is it saying you are the friend I trust and love the most and want you to be the first person by my slide when I get married. So I think what yours is doing is typical of a close friend who is jealous of you already or has been for a long time in some way shape or form you may not know about. I would just let her step down from Maid/Matron of Honor and get someone who really wants it for you or you could be looking at the same kind of disaster I went thru and still going thru with mine for over a year now. A insecure friend no matter how long yoiu have been friends can turn into someone you don’t even want ot be around somehow. 19 years and after my engagment she found someone and within 6 months of knowing him started plannign a wedding and married before me cut me out of her wedding totaly never even asked and stated she only wanted her daughter by her side. She wanted me to do alll the bridesmaid things but not be in it. She still has yet to do one thing for mine and it has been over a year in the planning, now it’s only 4 months away and she has excused herself from the bach party, giving me a show, and now says she can’t aford to go yet post things all over facebook of new things she is getting, doing, and so on. Even her own husband told me they could more then aford it yet she sends me long e-mails of all the money the have to spend in 2012! And had the nerve to say “well it’s my daughters year she is graduation and we want to send you on a trip for graduation and she needs new tires! They got her a car 4 months ago and the tires were new! she has turned into someone I don’t even know.
Post # 4
It’s not your MOH’s job to call around for quotes, it’s yours.
You said she’s “completely backing out of the wedding” but now she’s back in? I’m confused. Maybe she wanted the cocktail dress because she thought she could wear it again. Regardless, you’re the bride and if you want your girls to be in a certain color then that’s what they have to get. As for her driving around to spot a Kardashian, you can’t really judge how other people choose to spend their money. I know that it’s easy to be pissed off since she’s complaining about paying for the dress but she’s allowed to do what she pleases with her own money (and gas to drive an hour away will be like $20 anyway).
Are you sure she wants to be in your wedding? If she’s already backed out once and making a big stink over $7 then maybe she’s not fully committed.
Post # 5
sorry yes she backed out of the wedding intially before even trying to work out the options we had. I halfheartedly agreed to the pink because I felt sorry for her and was trying to accomodate her. My fiance and I are short on cash ourselves so we can’t pay for her dress otherwise we would have offfered. As for the quotes and helping with stuff that’s the only thing she can help with since she’s not in our area. Shes knows I don’t have my parents to help and this was part of our agreement.
Post # 6
@Otulyssa: I know what you are going through. She told me she can’t afford to through me a bacheloreate party either. And if she does she’s not going to party or drink she’ll be the dd. She’s not pregnant either. The only reason she doesn’t drink is because her boyfriend tells her he doesn’t want her to and he’s a groomsmen in the wedding and he drinks. I’m just kinda like WTH?! At first I thought maybe HE was the reason she completely backed out at first without considering any options. I just feel like she’s being very selfish and she’s def. hurt my feelings. It sad that my FH best friend’s wife isn’t even in the wedding and her mother and her are making my table arrangements and paying for the wedding food. I understand if you can’t afford things, but why can’t you contribute something that doesn’t cost money? Especially if you are my Maid/Matron of Honor. My sister got all offended because I named this girl my Maid/Matron of Honor (because she was a good friend). My sister wanted to be Maid/Matron of Honor. I guess I should reconsider that option.
Post # 7
YOu have every right to be frustrated with her about the dress thing, and I agree it sounds like she doesn’t really want to be in the bridal party. Maybe you can, rather than kicking her out, tactfully offer her the chance to step down if that would make her life easier–frame it like you’re looking out for her, not like you’re upset with her.
But I agree with CaitMarae that it is not reasonable to expect her to help you make phone calls and request quotes – that sort of thing is 100% the bride and groom’s responsibility. Not your parents’, either; yours’ and your fiance’s. It is wonderful when people OFFER to help, but you cannot demand or expect that they should.