MOH not holding bridal shower?

posted 3 months ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 61
Member
832 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

ktsteimel :  lol. I’m with you 1000%… a “mockery”?

Post # 62
Member
832 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Daisy_Mae :  that whole idea you expressed was weird. No matter who hosts, it’s about coming together to have fun & “shower” the bride with love. I wonder what kind of petty crowd & family situation you have in your life that you think so poorly of your own mother? 

Post # 63
Member
38 posts
Newbee

It’s ridiculous that anyone could try to frame a shower as anything but a gift giving party, other things may happen but the objective is gifts. Would anyone here go to a shower without a gift?

Throwing your own gift giving party is definitely off but throwing your own gift party in your mother’s name is not only off but let’s anyone know that you knew it was off but wanted to keep up appearances.

I would suggest letting everyone know that there is no shower in the works and if someone volunteers to throw one great and if not then I guess you don’t have one. If having pre-wedding parties was so important why didn’t you have that conversation before asking your bridal party?

Post # 64
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee

Daisy_Mae :  it’s amusing to see how much the judgement increases when you make the jump from friends hosting a bridal shower, to the mother…all the while staying “objective”. 

A mother hosting a bridal shower is in no way saying “hey, give my daughter gifts please because I don’t want to”. Technically that is the entire premise of a bridal shower- they are gift grabby REGARDLESS of who hosts. Your skewed judgement/perception of how others choose to conduct their affairs is rude. With your flawed logic, I can easily say that friends should just be buying all of the gifts instead of throwing the shower.

In my social circle, it is usually a very close family member such as mother, sister, MOG, or an aunt who hosts the bridal shower.

Post # 65
Member
2944 posts
Sugar bee

Speaking from my life experience and outside of this website, no one ever gave a crap who threw the bride a shower.

Post # 66
Member
448 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

socalgirl1689 :  I agree. I would not care at all if I found out the bride organized her own shower. I honestly did not really know who hosted the last shower I went to, and I didn’t care! I just wanted to celebrate the bride 🙂

 

 

Post # 67
Member
448 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

That being said, it may be more of a faux pas where you live. If I were you I’d probably just tell people asking the truth, that you don’t think anyone is organizing one.

Post # 68
Member
1911 posts
Buzzing bee

jannigirl :  No, it’s about “showering” the bride with GIFTS! That’s why it’s rude. By all means throw a morning tea, or a ‘girls day’ but don’t ask for gifts and don’t call it a bridal shower. If all you want to do is literally introduce people and hang out, then have a get together. A bridal shower is a gift giving/receiving event.

Post # 69
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Oh gosh. I guess things run very differently in my circle than on the bee! My mother will be throwing my shower and this is the norm in my family and circle of friends. To think that somewhere out there people would think she was throwing me a shower just because she didn’t want to buy me everything herself?… wow. In all of the showers I have attended, I’ve never heard one person complaining or even speaking about who threw the shower. I guess my family and friends are just happy to be there, celebrating and showering the bride/mamas-to-be with love and yes, gifts. 

That being said OP, if what’s really important to you is having everyone meet like you mentioned, there’s nothing wrong with hosting a get together in the spirit of your upcoming wedding. I can’t speak for how people would feel if you threw your own shower, but I know at least in my circle, this wouldn’t be an issue in the slightest. 

 

 

Post # 70
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I did not have a shower (nor did I want one). Some people have them and some don’t , so it is not a required event unless someone wants to throw you one. Some people have bachelorette parties and some don’t.

I personally have never been to a bridal shower. If I am invited to the wedding and attend, I will give one generous gift. If I cannot attend, I will only give a gift if I am close to the bride/groom.

Post # 71
Member
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I think the reasoning for not having mom host the bridal shower was because back in the day people got married young. Usually the bride was still living under her parent’s roof so it did seem like mom was begging for gifts. Or something like that. Nowadays, most people get married later and haven’t lived with their parents for a while. Honestly, I think it’s outdated etiquette. I’ve been to a ton of showers hosted by mom. Nobody cares except some anonymous people on a wedding board. 

Post # 72
Member
20 posts
Newbee

According to EMILY POST – it is NOT the duty of the MOH or birdal party to host a bridal shower – its rude for you to even assume that these girls owe you an extra party. Host a bridal tea and cake lunch at your house with a no gift rule if you reallllly want an extra event. 

 

Post # 73
Member
5874 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m generally a stickler for etiquette, and even I’m not offended by having family host a shower. That being said no one is entitled to have a shower. If no one is able or willing to host one, you just don’t have one. It seems ironic the OP is quick acknowledge it will be costly and her mother cannot afford it, yet expects that her bridesmaid should foot the bill. If they too can’t afford it, they can’t afford it.

For anyone who says it doesn’t have to be expensive, I’m sorry, even on the cheap side it will still cost a few hundred dollars to host a shower and provide enough snacks and drinks for everyone as well as invites/postage, and decor (even keeping decor to a minimum). I’ve hosted a lot of showers in may day and even the “bare bones” showers cost a good chunk of money. Thankfully I’ve been in a position to afford it and have help from others, but to some people even spending $200 to get a handful of snacks for everyone is a lot of money.

Post # 74
Member
782 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

sallysueinblue :  I might get chewed out by the etiquette purists for this, but… Can your mom “throw” you a shower in name only? No one has to know where the finances came from.

Let the invites come from your mom and the RSVPs go to her. Honestly, if I were in your shoes, I would just talk to my mom about this and it would be our little secret.

Post # 75
Member
782 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

weddingmaven :  If you think that throwing your own bridal shower is a horrible thing to do to your friends, I seriously question your definition of horrible and suggest you gain some perspective about the real world.

I understand you’re an etiquette purist, but the thought that inviting people to a party with (presumably) good food and good friends is “horrible” is abso-freaking-lutely ridiculous.

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