Post # 1
I’m so stuck on who to pick as my MOH! I’m torn between choosing my oldest friend or my closest friend. Here are the details:
oldest friend – have been friends since high school when my fiance and I first started dating. We’re still really close but could not be more different, especially at this point in our lives when I’m building a career and getting married and she is still trying to figure herself out. We’re in touch fairly regularily, but honestly don’t have much in common at this point. I know she would be hurt if I didn’t ask her to be my MOH, unless maybe I asked my younger sister instead.
closest friend – we lived together all through college and have remained pretty close since graduation. We talk often, especially now that she is also engaged and planning a wedding. We have way more in common so I usually call her when I have work or wedding stress to discuss. I honestly don’t think she will ask me to be her MOH because she has several close friends from childhood, but I adore her as does my fiance and I think she would be a great MOH.
sister – I’m also planning to ask my little sister to be a BM. We’re not at all close and never really have been, but I guess it would be an easy “out” to ask her to be my MOH if I think it would be easier than choosing a friend.
Probably more than you need to know, but I’m also asking an old college friend and a more recent post-college friend to be in our wedding.
Ok, so as far as I see it my options are:
#1 oldest friend as MOH
#2 closest friend as MOH
#3 oldest friend of MOH and closest friend as Matron (we haven’t set dates yet, but it looks like she will get married a couple of months before me). Of course this option seems to make sense, but I worry it will make the honor less special for both of my friends if I go this route. Maybe it’s not a big deal though…
#4 take the easy route and ask my little sister to be MOH.
Would LOVE some advice on this! My poor finance doesn’t know how to help me talk this through anymore and of course I can’t discuss this with my favs, so I’m stuck!!!
Post # 3
Lots of people have two MOH’s, so if that is what you truly want to do, then do that. You can’t really worry about hurting peoples feelings too much – you have to pick the person (or people) who you want up there with you on your big day. If that is both of them, great! If you know in your heart you only want one of them, then your decision is already made…you just need to realize it! From what you say, you don’t want your sister to be your MOH, so I wouldn’t ask her “just because” you want the easy way out. You will probably regret that decision.
Good luck 🙂
Post # 4
Ask the person that you can count on! Personally, I wouldn’t ask ANYONE who would bring drama. 🙂
Post # 5
I would ask both, or have one as a matron and one as a maid of honor. I have 1 matron and one made. My maid of honor, introduced FH and I, she lives in our hometown, and she is dependable. My matron of honor, is very similar to me, dependable, and has been in my place before (being the bride, so she has experience).
Post # 6
- Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden
I say, go for both, or have all three be “bridesmaids” and they can each have their own responsibilities!
Post # 7
I think having one as maid of honor and one matron of honor would be the best bet – and I don’t think it makes either honor less special!
Post # 8
I would go with both as well! I don’t think it diminishes the honor, if anything, it will make them both feel special and there’s no picking favourites!
Post # 9
I would go with both too.
Post # 10
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
Both! That’s very common, and it shouldn’t hurt anyone’s feelings!
Post # 11
Who is more responsible/organized, and who lives closer?
I was in a similar situation. I ended up picking my longer-term friend over my organized friend, and sometimes think I should have done the opposite. Here’s the problem that I am running in to… my bridesmaids don’t want to step on my MOH’s toes, so the ball is sometimes being dropped with MOH tasks. They’ve all been super helpful, but my MOH not the most organized person so some things are being forgotten. My more organized bridesmaid wants to help, but she doesn’t really feel like it’s her place.
Maybe having both would address that problem. But I also see some confusion over roles with that as well. I’d personally pick whoever was more organized and lived closer. Pretty objective, and I feel like that’s something you can reasonably explain if any drama results.
Post # 12
I would go with asking both, if you think they would be honoured and not annoyed at having to share (which they should be, it’s an honour after all). If you’re not sure how they’d take that, I’d skip the MOH part altogether. I did, since I couldn’t choose between my sisters. Good luck!
Post # 13
You don’t have to have maid of honor. I have a similar situation and decided not to name a maid of honor. To determine the order in which they’ll stand I decided to have them stand in order of how long I’ve known them, with the longest standing closest.
Post # 14
I would go with the girl who will be a better MOH. I have 4 friends in my party, 1 who I’ve known for 20 years, one I’ve known for 10 years, and two who I met after college and know my FI and I pretty well, but obviously not as good as the others. 3 out of 4 (including the two oldest friends) live in other states, so I went with the recently-made friend who lives closest and she’s also been a MOH. I don’t think I’ll be her MOH, so I’m kinda in the same boat as you and your closest friend. I just think that this is such an important day that I would really want someone who I can really count on and who gets me where I am now, not where I was in college or high school and who doesn’t really know me or my tastes.
Post # 15
I am with the previous poster. You don’t have to have a MOH. I don’t. I do have one BM that does a lot more work than the others because 1. she is the grooms sister and 2. she lives where the wedding is and my FI and I don’t. I had my longest frined (since we were like 6), my sister, my FSIL, and FCIL. I decided, none because I hate to make a difference in peopl.e
Post # 16
I had the same situation and thought about having two but then decided I didnt want to deal with divvying up their responsibilities and making them both feel like they were MOH. In the end, I chose my closest friend, because I couldn’t imagine her not standing next to me on that day.