(Closed) MOH Planning Bachelorette Party… Then Not Going??

posted 6 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Hostess
16217 posts
Honey Beekeeper

When my best friend (who was my MOH) gets married, there’s a chance she’s going to want the kind of bachelorette party that I just can’t participate in. If that’s the case, I’ll be sure to be there for the getting ready & dinner portions, and maybe part of the night out, but once it gets past my comfort level, I feel like it’s okay that I leave/not be there. She can keep having her fun though.

Now that the party has escalated in scale, can you and another bridesmaid tag-team or co-plan it? It would remove some of the burden from you and then hopefully give your friend a bit more of what she wants?

Post # 4
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Do you really think she wants an entire week of debauchery?? I can’t imagine even the hardest drinker lasting an entire week!  I would just sit her down and talk to her – if its just one night, then I think you should go. I know its not your scene, but its what she wants, and you get to do what you want for yours

Post # 5
Member
5154 posts
Bee Keeper

Well, I know that it should be what she wants but I don’t feel comfortable with that kind of party. Pretty much sums it up. It IS what she wants, so do what she would like. It is kind of like giving a gift…you want to give a gift that the recepient will love, not something you would love. If you can’t afford it by yourself, which is totally understandable, why not ask the bridesmaids to contribute? Or just have 1 day in the city of bar hopping-type stuff instead of a week? (Btw, a week seems very excessive). I feel like if I were the bride, it would totally come off as… well I was going to plan it when it was something I wanted to do but since you want to go on some drunken, man-hunting week long binge I don’t want to be a part. If anything, and you don’t want to be getting trashed along side the bride, why don’t you grab the position of DD, this way there won’t be any pressure.

Post # 6
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Do you mean weekend-long party?  I doubt anyone’s taking off an entire week of work for a bachelorette party ๐Ÿ˜‰

I agree with PPs.  Even though this is not “your type” of party, I think you kind of have to go along with it.  Get the other BMs involved and there won’t be so much pressure on you. 

Post # 9
Member
5154 posts
Bee Keeper

@MrsB-to-Be: Awe! You seem like a really good MOH! You are planning your own wedding.. the bride should also realize this (As she will be still planning her wedding or newly married at the time of your bach party).. if you are flying to vegas from TN.. with hotels, food, spa, clubs, drinks etc etc I can see it being VERY expensive. Have you guys been to vegas before? I was considering Vegas with my girls… but decided on Miami instead because it is more of our style (music we love, clubs we like)…do you think your bride might want Vegas because…’its vegas’.. or does she really like the atmosphere/been there before? If its the first.. I would totally talk to your bride and explain the music change…atmosphere change…etc etc.. I imagine it is VERY different from TN (I think i am being totally sterotypical and assuming you guys like country music so forgive me if you dont!)

Post # 10
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

OK, I’m sorry, but unless she’s going to foot the bill for all these women to take a week off of work to go drink themselves stupid – she’s expecting way too much of all of you.

Yes, it should be the TYPE of party she would want, just like your bachelorette should be the type YOU want, but WITHIN REASON. A week in Vegas is not within reason. Standing up in a wedding is expensive enough – the dress, the gifts, the showers, the shoes, hair, makeup, etc – without a trip to Sin City.

She doesn’t get to tell you how much you have to spend or how much you have to drink. I do think you should somehow participate in the evening or at least part of a weekend – but you are not required to drink your brains out or even be made to feel uncomfortable, only to be there to support your friend, the bride, if you can make it. Good luck, and I hope you and the rest of the BMs are able to stand up to her and say this is too much.

Post # 11
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@MrsB: OMG!  Even for a partier like myself, a week in Vegas is excessive in and of itself. I just returned from 4 days in Vegas and that’s my limit for the place.

I think you guys should definitely honor the the fact that she wants kind of a wild party, but there are definitely limits.  I would keep it to a weekend, and just explain that the Vegas thing would be way out of everyone’s budget.

Also, IMO, I think the bride should only have so much input on the bach party – like what type of party she would like it to be.  It kind of takes the fun out of it if you’re pretty much planning your own party!

Post # 13
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Ok, so if it is this week long thing that she wants i’d flat out tell her your sorry but no one can do that. Honestly i’ve heard of even a weekend in Vegas but never a week long bachelorette party.  Were all entitled to one but c’mon a week? That’s not even reasonable.  However,  if she does want to just go out on the town and have some drinks as maid of honor you should plan it and you should most definetly be there.  You don’t have to drink with the rest of the girls but it is HER bachelorette party and she should be able to have whatever kind of party she wants.  I completely understand that maybe you will be a bit uncomfortable since it’s not really your scene but again it’s her party and you should be there to support her.  I think it’s a great idea for you to offer to be the DD that way you don’t have to drink and you are really contributing by making sure everyone has a safe way to get home.  I’m sorry but if my MOH didn’t show up to my bach. party for those reasons we’d have serious issues.  Anyway, just my opinion.

Post # 14
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

A week is a long time to do celebrating like that… I would say sit her down and get final thoughts on what she wants to do. It sounds like she is going from one extreme to another…

Post # 15
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I totally think the week-long trip is unreasonable. I agree with a PP who said you could volunteer to be the designated driver? That way you can just dance with your friends and not drink, which shouldn’t be too bad. 

If that still makes you uncomfortable, think about setting up a nice dinner or something before (maybe even an arcade?) and then bowing out. 

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