Post # 1
I’ve read them before…the MOH is pregnant woes. I admit I felt the brides pain but I didn’t really think it would ever happen to me. And I read all the responses about being happy for the MOH and not being so self-absorbed that you forget other people have lives too etc etc etc.
Here’s the deal. MOH is prego. Second child. The first is about 4 years old. His father was deported to France about the time the baby was born. My MOH wasn’t able to get over to france for the whole 4 years and by this time I really didn’t think it was going to happen. I asked her to be my MOH and a week later she was on a plane to France. She said yes of course. Flash forward, and she’s 5 months pregnant. So she’ll have a newborn a few months before the wedding. She doesn’t want me to freak out. But I kind of am.
If she lived down the road or something that would be one thing. But she lives in France, with soon to be two children, and a boyfriend who cannot come back to the US. We knew it was a long shot once she moved. We decided we could figure out a way to do a round trip for just her if it came down to it and she couldn’t save up the money. But now it’s more than a long shot.
She said don’t worry. But I feel kinda wrecked by it. This is my 3rd bridesmaid to drop. Not that she has necessarily. But it’s all my really good bffs…but that’s also part of the problem. We grew up in poverty, lived unstable lives, and I’m sad to see them falling into that cycle. Their lives are not stable. I feel sad.
Don’t be too harsh bees.
Post # 3
@icetea: There is nothing to be harsh about…I understand that you are nervous about this entire situation as I would have been. Can you call her and come to a compromise about possibly changing her if she doesn’t make a solid decision at a specific deadline. Let her know ur fears be honest, she cant be upset with you for that.
If she crosses the deadline or is unable o attend then u can both agree to have a replacement (someone who is ok with being a replacement and who is more dependable)
It’s your day of course u wont want ur MOH M.I.A.
hOPE ALL WORKS OUT WELL….XOXOXOXOX♥
Post # 4
Aw man, I feel so bad for you! I’d be majorly bummed if there was a chance my MOH couldn’t be at my wedding. 🙁
All I can say is to try to stay positive. She’s telling you she’ll be there so try to trust that. If worse comes to worst, and she can’t come, she can always Skype in to see you get married. (A friend of mine did that from Armenia where she was in the Peace Corp for another friend’s wedding and she was so glad for the opportunity.)
Hang in there!
Post # 5
Post # 6
Have her give you a definite yes or no that she can make it and just tell her that you just want to make sure this situation is comfortable for both of you. If she gives you a yes, it’s ok answer, accept it. Don’t keep on and on about it wondering. Then you will just go crazy over nothing. You have bigger things to worry about.
So ask her, get the answer, and let it be what it will be. Your wedding will be perfect regardless…it’s easy for us married bees to say that. I never believed it until it actually happened to me, but it does work out. 🙂
Post # 7
I’m so sorry. 🙁 I’m happy that your friend is able to live with her BF in France. But the truth is, there are certain MOH duties that she won’t be able to successfully do being so far away (help with the bridal shower and bachelorette party, help with planning, etc.). If you are concerned about these things, maybe gently tell her that you hope she can be a part of your wedding still, but with all the duties you’ll need help with, it would be easier on both of you if you found someone closer to home.
Post # 8
Thank you all. I’ve calmed down since this posting haha. We did talk…though I tried not to let my crazed anxiety show. I am very happy for her…and we figured out mutually that having a second MOH (the FSIL) would be a very nice thing for all of us.
To be honest, even if she doesn’t make it out to the wedding she has been an incredible MOH. She’s far away but being preggo and not being able to work in another country means she has lots of time to internets. She looks for things online like decorations, dresses, shoes, and she is planning a spa day which I can pick up if we get all the details figured out together.
I do want her there. I will budget enough money to bring her out if she can’t afford it. I can’t afford for her whole family unfortunately but it will be offered just in case she wants to do it. I do not expect her to leave her children in France lol.