- 8 years ago
- Wedding: October 2010
So, I’ve actually been dealing with this for about a month, she hasn’t officially dropped out, but it’s starting to seem like she really won’t be able to make it.
I’ve always been a tomboy growing up… I’ve always been into sports and in my neighborhood there was 1 girl my age, and 8 boys my age. My childhood Best Friend and I remained super close until 10th grade when we finally were in the same school. There’s no reason we drifted apart other than we were in different social circles. We’ve begin re-connecting which I’m thrilled about. Our moms are STILL BFFs and when I was in her city for work a month ago we met for brunch, caught up, and both apologized for the “drifting” that never should have happened.
In HS, after loosing BFF #1, I quickly became inseparable bff’s with #2. Her family is also extremely close to me, she became my “god daughter” when she became Catholic, and I really want to represent her in some way at the wedding. She died 4 days before our Senior Prom, and I’m still very close to her family. She would have been Maid/Matron of Honor if it weren’t for her passing.
My other BFF in HS (who was also close to #2) is my current Maid/Matron of Honor. We met in a lake on a church retreat in canoes… and we’ve been best friends ever since. Her brother was also my first major “crush” but I never realized they were brother and sister until a year later! lol. We’ll call her #3, even though she’s my No. 1.
So, current Maid/Matron of Honor (no. 3) is currently stuck in Alaska. She was (we’ll call it manipulated) into love by an Italian and had moved to Italy, then Ireland, then London… where my parents live. My mom was always a mother figure to her, and my parents basically helped her “escape” the jerk and she went to Alaska, which is where her brother is stationed in the Army, with his wife and kid. She’s been there ever since and so obviously, it’s a VERY far way and commitment to come from Alaska to Virginia. When she was getting married in Italy, I was already saving for my trip… and she was saving for mine.
About a month or two ago, she apparently got pretty sick (works in the ER) and lost a lot of work time. During this time of not being paid, she had to dip into savings to pay her rent, car, etc….
Now, she has like zero savings, and so a dress (which I can always work with her on) and flight from Anchorage to VA is kind of looking slim. Those flight’s are around $700+
I’m beyond heartbroken. I only really wanted one person to stand by me, and it was her. Fiance has a lot of close guy friends and so I kind of scraped into getting 7 other friends. Don’t get me wrong, I’m close to the others and I love them dearly, but on the scale, there’s only one person who was really important to me to have by my side.
If she can’t make it… I’m short a bridesmaid and a Maid/Matron of Honor. #3 is also not only really close to me, but she’s a genius with writing and words… this will sound stupid and catty, but I was also really looking forward to hearing her “toast.” FI’s Bridesmaid or Best Man is a radio personality so I can already imagine how “good” his toast is going to be.
Of my other BM’s, while they are “close” to me, none are REALLY CLOSE to me. I honestly can’t imagine what they could put together to say for us. Save for 2, none of them know Fiance… AT ALL. Not only that, but a lot of them also have public speaking issues. Now, I know there’s more to the Maid/Matron of Honor than the toast… but to me, the Maid/Matron of Honor should be the one person who knows you in and out, the one you go to for anything, the one you can’t imagine not being by your side. I chose #3 because while she couldn’t be around for “showers” and such, she’s the most important “girl” in my life and played a huge role in who I am today.
Now, I have no idea what to do if/when my Maid/Matron of Honor pulls out. Not only am I short a Maid/Matron of Honor, but a bridesmaid too. I know I can do un-even numbers, but Fiance is like monk and the photos will forever drive him nuts if it’s un-even, lol.
- Ask Number #1 to fulfill our childhood promise of being Maid/Matron of Honor.
Pros: More chances for us to become closer. She’s a VERY experienced Maid/Matron of Honor (for real, she’s been Maid/Matron of Honor more times than I can count). She is still an important person in my life, and while we may have had a few years apart, she’s like my sister.
Cons: She’s Maid/Matron of Honor in 1-2 weddings this season. She’s Hoping to make it for the wedding but there is a LOT going on in her life. Also, would it be a little weird to ask her to step in if she 1) wasn’t an orig. bridesmaid and 2) we’re just kinda of in the rebuilding process
- Ask one of the other BM’s to step up
Con’s: No idea who I would ask to step up. 2 are local but honestly barely know me in a “deep” kind of way or know/understand who I am or where I came from. Been good friends for the past 3 years, but that’s about as deep as it gets. I have no idea who I would ask to step up.
Pro’s: No toes are stepped on “why did she ask so and so if they weren’t even a BM?”
- WHY AM I NOT A BOY!
I do have a few other VERY close friends. They are all boys. I’ve always been closer with boys than I have been to girls. One however, who is local, is an ex (it was a 3 month stint years and years ago) but just had a week of stupidness that pissed a lot of people off… (i.e he was dating a mutual friend and then slept with the ex-fiance and left his gf (the mutual friend) and got married to his ex two days later… got her pregnant, then she had a miscarriage and now like 3 weeks later is getting divorced… that level of drama, lol.) I would love to make him a “dude of honor” but I don’t think it would fly… especially since his gf was a very close childhood friend of FI’s and now my Fiance wants to punch him in the face 😡
We aren’t doing siblings in the bridal party, so I can’t really ask his sister to join or else my brother will feel slighted… same with my SIL who I’m not very close too… And, I’m not all that close to my bro.
If I add a girl, I would probably either want to add BFF #1 or my cousin (who is actaully my dad’s cousins daughter… what is that, 3rd cousin!?) and she’s 17 I think….
of all my family, she’s my “favorite.” 🙂
So, thoughts? I hope and pray I don’t need to replace Maid/Matron of Honor, but It’s looking like I will.
1) Bring in #1 as Maid/Matron of Honor
2) Bring in cousin and promote from within
3) Bring in cousin or #1 and have #3 send a recorded toast so she’s still a part of my day
4) You have a better idea and I’m all ears.
I’ve been living in denial about this, but I’m heartbroken over #3 not being here at all or by my side! Right now, I’m leaning towards option 1 or 3. I can totally see #1 being at my side or think doing #3 might be kinda cool.
Ugh, why me……