(Closed) MOH problems – did I do the right thing?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3041 posts
Sugar bee

Asking her to step down was pretty much a friendship ender. Why not just stop running things by her & have her stand next to you as your MOH? Just bc she had that title does not mean you have to have her input on things.

Post # 5
Member
3485 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

If you want my honest opinion– no. 

It sounds to me like the only issue you had was her changing her mind about some of her wedding choices based on the ideas you’ve talked about together; and she didn’t comply when you asked her not to. What does it matter if she uses some of the ideas for parts of her wedding? You guys are friends right? This website and many more are based on the concept of sharing ideas and copying eachother– you should be flattered that she likes some of your plans enough to encorporate those ideas into her own wedding too. 

Post # 6
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

No. First you asked her to run her decisions by you, for HER wedding? And then you emailed her that she was being demoted? I think you were pretty harsh. I think if there is any hope of repairing this friendship you need to talk to her face to face. Or if that isn’t possible, then a phone call. This shouldn’t be done on email.

Post # 7
Member
1308 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Yeah, my FI and I are figuring things out on our own. Sure, I asked MOH input on BM dresses, but that’s about it.

My youngeer sister and step-sister got married 2 weeks apart, and they were in eachother’s weddings. To make sure their ideas weren’t melded, they gave eachother limited details. Things worked out, and each girl had a wedding that reflected them and their FI’s. Also, they are still BFF’s so it CAN be done 🙂

Post # 8
Member
284 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Short answer, no.  I agree with everything that Bostongrl25 said.  I can understand your frustration that she was changing aspects of her wedding to be more similar to yours, however I would probably just stop running things by her if I were worried about the events being too similar.  Definitely talk to her in person.

Post # 9
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@mamadingdong:  Well said. OP, I sympathize with you, I really do. I have a friend who got engaged after me and who scheduled her wedding a couple of months after mine. Over the next few months, she changed lots of her ideas to things similar to what I had mentioned doing. Several of our mutual friends were really upset with her and felt like she was copying my ideas (which weren’t really mine- gotta love Pinterest!). But, I just let it go- she has the right to have her day be however she wants it to be and I want our friendship to last long after the last toast is made and the last flower arrangement is wilted.

My advice is- apologize to your friend and explain that you freaked out at how similar your plans were becoming. Tell her that you want her to stand by your side on the big day and then just be more careful about how much detail you share with her between now and her wedding.

Post # 10
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

You definitely did the wrong thing. If you noticed her wedding was looking alot like yours stop telling her the details. Yes she’s you maid of honor but if you feel that way then keep her out of the loop. I’d be super upset if anyone said hey run your ideas by me so i can approve them for your wedding. I get wanting to have a unique wedding but let’s all face it some things are going to be the same no matter what especially because you are friends and clearly have similar taste since you think she’s copying you. I’m sure she didn’t get engaged and pick her wedding day to annoy you and if you think that she shouldn’t have been your MOH anyway. In my opinion you should sit down with her, apologize, and explain to her that you are just worried your weddings will be very similar and people will notice and think you copied her since hers is first. I’m sure she’ll understand, and I’m sure she wants a unique wedding that doesn’t look just like yours, and start sharing with you before hand. You should speak to her quick because If I was her right about now I’d remove myself out of your wedding and out of this friendship

Post # 11
Member
5664 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@amybuf:  Unfortunately I don’t think this is going to go the way you would like. I was asked to step OUT of a friend’s wedding because we have been having difficulties with our friendship in the last year. She said she wanted us to focus on our weddings and being the good friends we used to be instead of the pressure of being bridesmaids. I agree to an extent, but it hurt our friendship nevertheless and even though the day she got married (last saturday) when I watched 8 frazzled bridesmaids do ALL the work for the wedding (including serving the cake!) I was grateful that I wasn’t one of them, I’m still bitter deep down.

That being said, being a bride I would be way frustrated and hurt if that was the situation with my MOH and I would definitely wish she could be more present for me throughout the planning process so I understand how you feel. I have been fortunate enough to have a fantastic MOH.

Post # 13
Member
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You emailed your best friend to tell her she was no longer your maid of honor? And then you had to ask if it was the right thing to do?

 

Post # 14
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@EricaBee:  exactly

Post # 15
Member
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

MOST (not all) weddings are pretty standard. There are many small ways to incorporate your own personailty but most people have the ceremony, cocktail hour, and reception at a hall of some sort. All the gorgeous pinterest and magazine ideas we have do not really transpire to our wedding day unless you either take a lot of personal time to DIY these things, or have a ton of money to add them. Even if two brides like the same inspiration pictures, it does not mean they will turn out the same way. I don’t think you should have asked her to step down, that was rude, IMHO. My sister is my MOH and I haven’t asked her opinion on anything – it’s my wedding! If anything, I have asked my om. And for the BM I only had them try on the dresses, I have nto asked for any input. I think you should apologize because everyone wants their wedding to be special, she probably feels as though you value your wedding over hers (which you do, and you should), but you should be polite about it.

The topic ‘MOH problems – did I do the right thing?’ is closed to new replies.

Get our weekly roundup of the best of Weddingbee.
I agree to receive emails from the site. I can withdraw my consent at any time by unsubscribing.

Find Amazing Vendors