Post # 1
I’m getting married in May of 2015, and I have three close girl friends who I’m considering for my Maid/Matron of Honor. The first is my BFF, who I’ve known since we were eight and did almost everything with in High School. She was there when Fiance and I started dating, all that. Problem is, she is transgendered (not the problem) and would not be happy wearing a Bridesmaid or Best Man dress. I would love for her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor but also want uniformity in my wedding party.
Second is my brother’s girlfriend, who I get along with very well and have come to be extremely close with. However, we tend to get into little spats (mostly over nothing) and occasionally don’t talk much for weeks at a time. I’m worried if I choose her, we could get into an argument over something ridiculous, and it could ruin the experience of planning my wedding with my Maid/Matron of Honor.
Third is my step-sister, who I was VERY close with from age 8 all the way until age 15, when some family drama kept us from seeing each other. We grew apart and no longer have similar interests. She is still the same as when we were 15, slightly immature, disorganized, wants to have a video-game themed wedding (NO THANKS!) for herself. If I don’t choose her, I feel like it would upset her, but I don’t think it would be a good fit.
Thoughts? What should I do?
Post # 3
@EmieBee4: I chose none of the above – you’ve provided reasons why each person would be good to have as your Maid of Honour, but then you’ve also provided reasons why they wouldn’t be. I think, to minimise any potential drama further down the track, that you shouldn’t choose any of them i.e. either choose someone else altogether, or, if there isn’t anyone you can think of, maybe don’t have one at all, but of course still find a way to include these three people in your wedding somehow (whether that be as bridesmaids, or have them do a special reading at your ceremony). Good luck and I hope it all works out!
Post # 4
@EmieBee4: BFF. though based on your post having your party in matching outfits (the only strike against BFF) is more important to you then relatioships.
The other 2 you aren’t close with.
Pick your BFF and let her wear something she’s comfortable with.
Post # 5
I would choose your BFF. It seems kind of silly to chose clothing over friendship in my opinion.
On the flip side you could just have 3 BMs and no Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 6
I would have three bridesmaids, no Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 7
I would go with the BFF regardless of the clothing issue.
Post # 8
I’ve seen Maid/Matron of Honor gets special dresses to distinguish them so if she wants to wear something else and the rest of the bridesmaids can coordinate that would be fine!
Also siblings/brothers of yours traditionally go on the side of the groom even though they’re your family, if she wants to wear a suit and match with groomsmen let her do this!
Post # 9
I had none. However the ladies in my bridal party are grown up and mature so I wasn’t worried about it. Although I would say one person did step up and take on that role. Out of your list I would pick best friend or no one.
Post # 10
I’d pick the BFF hands down. You want someone who will be supportive of you and it sounds like she is by far the best choice. Discuss with her what style of outfit she would like to wear/feel comfortable in – perhaps there will be a few options and you can both agree on something.
Post # 11
BFF. I’m actually kind of floored that you are excluding someone because of clothing. If I was your friend I would be heartbroken that who I was made me not good enough to be standing with you.
Post # 12
If your BFF is trans (female to male?), would he be offended being asked to be a bridemaid at all? Maybe it would be more appropriate to have him be a groomsman? Otherwise, if you are concerned about keeping him on your “side”, have him be your man of honor. A best friend is a best friend, and gender shouldn’t get in the way of that, IMO.
Post # 13
@echomomm: I don’t think it is appropriate for a bride or groom to designate a party member for the other’s “side” e.g. I don’t think the bride gets to invite someone to be a groomsmen, but she could certainly have a “man of honor” or whatever term her BFF prefers on her side. I do agree that I would choose the BFF to be your Maid/Matron of Honor because (s)he(?) – sorry I’m unclear on which way they are trans or what their chosen gender is – would be the most reliable and is your BEST FRIEND. I can’t imagine any circumstance in which I would not want my best friend standing with me at my wedding. Even if she wanted to wear jeans.
Post # 14
My BFF still uses female pronouns, just feels that she was meant to be male. I spoke with her a few nights ago and she said, “for your wedding, I’ll wear anything. It’s your special day!” She actually brought up the fact that she is interested in getting ordained, so she might be our ‘minister’ instead. Thanks for all the advice!!!