Post # 1
I asked my sister to be my Maid/Matron of Honor and now I’m regretting the decision.
She is 7 years younger, we’re total opposites and she is not into weddings in general. I picked her because I thought it was the right thing to do, we live in the same city (all my other BMs are several states away) and I thought it would be easier to essentially boss her around as my sister rather than putting one of my friends in that possition (sorry, just being honest). But my sister is totally clueless. My best friend emailed her saying that my sister should introduce everyone maybe by email or a FB message, and my sister literally doesn’t know how to respond. She came dress shopping today and she was totally bored and ready to leave from the beginning.
My best friend would have been my obvious Maid/Matron of Honor choice but she is trying to get pregnant and I also expected by now that her sister would be engaged and she would definitely be her Maid/Matron of Honor so that is why I felt like I’d be putting too much pressure to ask her. Come to find out she’s purposely not going to try to get pregnant this month because she doesn’t want to be due at the wedding…
Now I don’t know what to do. I should have been more honest with my friend and asked her how she felt about taking on Maid/Matron of Honor duties and then given her the opportunity to decline. I don’t think my sister appreciates the title and she just isn’t into it. But now I feel like I might hurt my sister’s feelings even though deep down I don’t think she wants to be Maid/Matron of Honor. On the flip side, I feel like my friend would feel lame if she was the second choice (because I don’t know if she would believe me if I told her she was my first choice).
I feel like I need input from other brides. Anyone have any advice? It’s still early, and she hasn’t done anything terriblly wrong, but I guess I just feel like I’m so not excited about my bridal party and that’s just kind of a bummer. BTW, I have my Maid/Matron of Honor sister, 2 Bridesmaid or Best Man friends, and one Bridesmaid or Best Man who is my sister’s fiance. We wanted to keep it small but I just don’t feel like I have a group that will get along and have fun toghether.
Sorry this got really long, but I’d appreciate any advice!!
Post # 3
I really, REALLY think it would be a bad idea to take the Maid/Matron of Honor title away from your sister – that’s not something you can just do casually, it won’t be worth all the hurt feelings it will cause. You didn’t make the best choice for Maid/Matron of Honor – basing it on who lives closest and is easiest to boss around rather than who you actually feel closest to – but that is not your sister’s fault.
You could always say something to your sister like, “Hey, I know that maid of honor comes with a lot of responsibilities like the dress shopping and bachelorette and all that. I know it’s a lot to ask and I get it if you decide you just want to be a regular bridesmaid. I’d love to have you as maid of honor too (even if it’s not true it doesn’t hurt to say), but I just don’t want you to think you’d be hurting my feelings or anything if you’d rather just be a regular bridesmaid and not deal with planning stuff.” That gives her an out but is phrased in the nicest way possible.
Post # 4
Oh i’m in your shoes. I asked me FI’s sister to be my Maid/Matron of Honor cuz we’re really close, she’s totally like the sister I never had. BUT…she IS 5 years younger, and she just moved to LA for Vet school (we live in SF)…and so she’s completely busy with school. She hasn’t been around for me at all and I’ve just learned to accept that I can’t make her change her life just for my wedding. I’ve spoken with my BFF about it, who’s a Bridesmaid or Best Man, and she’s totally cool with taking on some Maid/Matron of Honor responsibilities without the title.
I didn’t want to take the Maid/Matron of Honor title away from her, just because we’ve drifted apart a little bit. Maybe you can speak with your best friend about taking on some Maid/Matron of Honor responsibilities! Good luck!
Post # 5
Hmm.. what if I elevated my best friend Bridesmaid or Best Man to Matron of Honor? She is married… and maybe I can do it when I see her in person next month and that way I get a better sense of how she feels about it. Just an idea…
Post # 6
@Macchiato: That would work, having a Matron of Honour and and Maid. That way no-one is offended yet you can at least trust your BFF to get the show moving!
Post # 7
@Macchiato: Yes, since she is married I think that would be a great solution!
Post # 8
Yeah, I would demote your sister. It’s just not worth it. You should definitely just ask your BFF to be your Matron of Honor!
Post # 9
I was going to suggest the “Matron OH” for your best friend, helping to smooth over the issue. I would confide in your friend but not vent to your sister. However, I might durect your sister to Weddingbee. The dramatic and photo boards might interest and inform her a little more.