MOH selected and ordered her dress without me!

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@hisbridekimberly:  what a sticky situation to be in :/ I personally would be just as upset if my moh picked a dress without me or my input. What does your fiancé think about the situation and the dress? What about the dress inappropriate?

Post # 4
Member
42490 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@hisbridekimberly:  

we really had a lot of choices open for whatever she wanted to wear.

Perhaps she interpreted  your words literally?

Post # 5
Member
1028 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@hisbridekimberly:  She already sounds like a problem. She’s not being there for what I have read a MOH is supposed to help with and she took it upon herself to order a dress for YOUR wedding without including you? YUPPERS! Headache. So yes, you should let her know this is not the dress/style/color you have selected and she needs t put the order on hold. If she refuses, drop her and find someone else. One less stressful thing to deal with!

Post # 6
Member
2869 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Well not much you can do about it now besides suck it and be graceful even though she deserves to be told off. 

Post # 7
Member
4163 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I agree with julies1949, depending on how you worded it to MOH, she may have assumed you literally meant, “whatever SHE wanted to wear.” Did you let her know up front that you wanted to approve her dress selection? When you went wedding dress shopping, was that also to find her dress, and was she aware of that fact?

How is the dress inappropriate? Too short? Too much cleavage, etc?

Post # 8
Member
4760 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@hisbridekimberly:  you can’t exactly fire her since, well you arn’t her employer adn you’re not paying her anything.

Really loathe it when people go around saying that they are going to fire BP members. 

Anyway rant aside, I think you should just be honest with her.  Tell her you’re disapointed she picked a dress without your input and tell her you don’t like the dress.  Perhaps offer to pay for a new one of your chosing, to try to keep the peace.

Post # 9
Member
1491 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think its a pretty well understood concept that the bride has first and final say in her bridesmaids dresses.  

I mean, really, I don’t know what she thought she was doing, getting a bridesmaid dress without even consulting the bride?? Who does that??!!  I would be very upset too, as in the end, I really wanted a specific look for my 2 bridesmaids.  

I would call her and ask her what is up, that you heard X and you are very upset.  Be honest but polite about it, as best as you can be.   

 

I would see if DB would consider stopping the order and applying that money to something else in their store, like a different BM dress (if you even wanted to get it from there) or something else.  In the end, its your wedding and frankly I think that you should be able to have some control over what your bridal party wears.    

Post # 10
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

what does the dress look like? can you find a pic online? She probably thought you meant she could get whatever she likes. Did you see her in the dress or just a picture? sometimes that makes a difference. If you really don’t like it tell her and I’m sure she will understand.

Post # 11
Member
2657 posts
Sugar bee

Normally, I would say that bridesmaids can wear what they want if allowed to pick their own attire, but she is your MOH and didn’t consult you at all, and that’s not okay.  When you bring this up with her, don’t focus on how bad it looks.  The bigger problem is that she didn’t even run this by you before she acted and that hurt you.  From that perspective, she may be more likely to change her order to something you both like.

How inappropriate is the dress, BTW?  Is it way too short?  Does it show skin that’s not allowed to be shown at the ceremony?  If the dress wouldn’t be permitted for religious reasons, you need to straight-up tell her that too.

Post # 12
Member
1613 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@hisbridekimberly:  No you be honest with her. You tell her you wanted to go dress shopping together and this dress is not what you had in mind.

If she gets upset, you remind her that for her wedding you dressed as she wished and you would hope she would give you the same curtesty.

Post # 14
Member
5351 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

@julies1949:  Agree.

At this point you just need to talk to her and see if the dress can be refuded and explain that you wanted to be more involved. If anything I see this as a positive for your MOH b/c she took your words literally, and that her actions show that she was being proactive and excited to be in your wedding. 

Post # 15
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

She’s going to be the only one wearing it–I would probably just let it go. And since you only have one member of your bridal party, it’s not like you’ll be doing 10000000 bridal party pictures!

Post # 16
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

this may just be my personality, but I would have no qualms telling her I don’t like the dress. Hopefully DB will refund her dress.

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