MOH selecting issue

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@penguinbee:  Do what I did! I never officially asked anyone to be a MOH but I did ask my girls to be BM’s. However I do have one extremely close friend (known her since grade school) and she is like my secret MOH. I am giving her an additional gift and have asked her to make a toast at the wedding, she also was the only one in the bridal party that got the dress in the theme color (I wnted turquoise but ended up letter everyone choose their sade of dress). She was never asked to be the MOH but was given quiet appreciate for her friendship and help. This kept everyone drama/responsibility free! 

Post # 5
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I had a very similar situation. Old friend, not in a stable place in her life vs. newer friend in a much more stable place. I considered many different options… Co-MOHs, Giving older freind MOH title as an “honorary title” and having newer friend do all the MOH stuff, picking someone complete different to be MOH (cousin), etc.

 

Like you, i was leaning towards asking the newer friend to be my MOH. And ultimately, I did. Let me tell you… It was the BEST decision I could have ever made. Older friend, thankfully wasn’t offended (Although I didn’t address the reasoning behind my choice, I think she probably understands) and my newer friend has been AH-mazing. She helped pick out dresses, was with me when I bought mine, picked mine up, has talked me off many ledges when I was at the end of my rope, helped me with my registry, proofed my invites… I could go on. Older friend, while sweet and interested when need be, hasn’t reached out more than twice. And has only offered to help once. Not that it upsets me. I knew in the beginning that she wasn’t in a stable place. Since I started out with that expectation, I wasn’t disappointed. If I had picked her as my MOH, I would have been very disappointed.

 

Ultimately, you know in your heart what the best decision will be and it shouldn’t necessarily have anything to do with how much you love either girl. Who will help you, keep you sane, support you, keep you calm and happy on your day and the crazy days leading up? I always thought it was silly how stressed out and crazy girls would get. But with less than 90 days to go til my wedding, I completely understand. My MOH has been my saving grace.

Post # 6
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@penguinbee:  I think the idea of having L and M both be BMs and not name anyone the official MOH sounds like a good idea.  I don’t think it would be too weird not to have an MOH even though your FI has a best man.  I have been to a few weddings where I had no idea who was the MOH and who was the bridesmaids, so I think that would go over just fine.  It is a tricky situation, though.  Good luck as you figure out what to do!

Post # 7
Member
1887 posts
Buzzing bee

@Payless:  That is my suggestions as well!

@penguinbee:  I also recommend skipping the title MOH and just having bridesmaids. Like Payless suggested, I am not designating a MOH, and find this to be the most mature and sensitive solution.  I have my two sisters and my best friend as bridesmaids.  I was my best friend’s MOH in her wedding and would love to return the honor, but I know my family would be offended if I placed a friend over a sister.  Furthermore, I am not willing to say one sister matters more than the other.  When I looked at it realistically, ranking people I love seemed like a guaranteed way to hurt feelings and, thus, a selfish thing to do.  This isn’t myspace and I’m not 12 years old- there is I need to rank my top friends. It seemed imature. My bridal party is equally beloved by me, and no one’s feelings will get hurt if I don’t pick a MOH.

Post # 8
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@penguinbee:  I had the exact same situation and I did exactly what you’re doing. Granted, my chosen MOH ended up getting pregnant a year before the wedding and that has complicated things a little anyway-but as shallow as this sounds, you have to choose your attendants based on how they’re going to handle the day-I have a couple that I (pretty much) had to choose: Ex. FI’s sister. She’s a complete and total mooch with a HUGE jealousy complex and has done all but set my venue on fire.

 

I guess what I’m trying to say is crap happens and you won’t be able to stop it. If it’s not one girl causing a problem it will be another. However, there’s nothing wrong in trying to select the girls that are able to be there for you in the biggest capacity. FYI I didn’t even ask the other girl who I didn’t think would be able to handle the finances and child care issues, etc. I just knew I wouldn’t be able to handle the stress! Call me awful, but I’m only doing this once-and I’m going to do everything in my power to make it awesome!! :-/

Post # 9
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@penguinbee: DH did pick a best man as well, he has a bigger bridal group than I do an also had his best friend be the best man. I will not name a MOH but did recognize my one friend in a different, drama free way. 

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