MOH / Sister Drama… please help

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Should i ask Alicia to Step down and my sister to step up?
    Yes! ask her to step down! : (5 votes)
    17 %
    No! leave it be. : (24 votes)
    83 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    630 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @Sunshineliz22:  I’m sure a lot of people will disagree with me, but I would ask her to step down and be a Bridesmaid. You do not need to deal with all that drama. At the end of the day, this is YOUR day, and you deserve to have someone who loves/respects/is excited for the wedding standing by your side. I would ask your sister to be your MOH, and offer for Alicia to help with the planning of events. Sort of an assistant MOH…

    Post # 4
    Member
    2114 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @Sunshineliz22:  perhaps just bring on your sister as a co-maid of honor?

    Post # 5
    Member
    858 posts
    Busy bee

    Asking Alicia to step down could cost a friendship.. so i would think about this thoroughly. have you thought about sitting down with A and calling her out? Its never safe to go through he said she said, but sometimes it coudl be a good source.

    Thankfully you do have time to work with and so much can change in 5months. Lots of people just arent planners or helpers so void that portion beign an issue. People like us, would take the first opportunity to  help out or be put to work. But clearly not her.

    I would talk to her about this. And tell her straight up you throughts. If shit goes south, you know what to do. IF yout wo can talk it out and you feel confidnet well you got it!

    Post # 6
    Member
    588 posts
    Busy bee

    I’m not really understanding what she did. She said, “‘oh well with Liz it’s all about the wedding” to another friend in a negative way? In regards to her vacation or just in regards to the fact that you’ve been so busy with the wedding you haven’t had time for anything else? Is it possible that’s why she’s been distant lately – that you’ve been all about ‘you’ with all your wedding planning and not there for her too?

    I’m not sure why you’d ask her to step down. She was over the moon happy – she jumped up and down. She can’t jump up and down the entire 12 months, that would be exhausting. 

    I think friends should be allowed to vent to each other – her being sad she can’t take a vacation this year – without you taking it personally. If she said it wasn’t about the wedding, then take her word for it. There are lots of reasons why she might not be able to take a vacation this year. Maybe she wanted to talk to you about what’s going on with her life right now but all you’re seeing is your wedding. Just a thought.

     

    Post # 7
    Member
    965 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    If you think asking her to step down as MOH is going to cause less drama. You are wrong. It will only cause more drama and possibly cost you a friendship. All a MOH has to do is buy the dress, show up, and be a good friend. By asking her to step down, you are insinuating that she is a bad friend, and that won’t end well. 

    Focus on being a good friend when you are around her and not a bride. Not everyone loves weddings, planning parties, and helping stuff invites. That doesn’t mean she isn’t a good friend. Use your sisters help when she offers and if you feel the need, make her a co-MOH.

    Post # 9
    Member
    858 posts
    Busy bee

    One thing that i have learned through this process is have no expectations at all!

    Post # 10
    Member
    7654 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    You are probably going to lose a friend if you ask her to step down. Sometimes brides really do talk all about the wedding and don’t concern themselves with their friendships. Have you called her up just to chat? Ask how she and her BF are doing? Offered to go on a girl’s shopping weekend?

    Yes, MOH/BFF should be very excited for you, but its hard when all the friend wants to tlak about is wedding. I am NOT saying that is what you do, but you could be talking about it a bit too much and not know. It consumes you right now because, of course, its exciting!

    Just remember that you are having her as a MOH because she has always been there for you. Your sister is just starting to step up to the plate. You might have a different outlook on what duties and roles the MOh has, but in my eyes they are just supposed to buy the dress and show up. If she can’t or won’t help stuff invites, go to taste testings, or appointments it doesn’t mean she is a horrible friend who is uninterested.

    Post # 11
    Member
    7197 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @Sunshineliz22:  I don’t think she’s done enough to warrant asking her to step down. All she has done is vent a little, nothing more.

    You could have your sister as a second MOH though.

    Post # 12
    Member
    851 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013 - The front lawn of our church

    @Sunshineliz22:  Sorry, I honestly don’t think she’s said or done anything that bad. Clearly, she was out of line when she commented about not being able to go out of town, but I know I’ve said things without thinking that I later realized I should not have said. There are only 5 weeks to your wedding. I think you need to reduce your expectations, and just enjoy it. If your sister wants to help out then that’s great:)

    Post # 13
    Member
    81 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I think you should ask your sister to be co-moh.  If you do not have that many bridesmaids you could always just put bridemaids on the wedding pamphlet so everyone is equal.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1881 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I really don’t see any “drama” she’s caused. She’s just not into the whole wedding thing. And she wasn’t trying to complain about the wedding when saying she wanted to go away that weekend, but probably just saying it to you as a friend.

    You cannot have her step down. But you can promote your sister and have her be your Co-MOH if you would like.

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