Post # 1
I need some help in understanding this.
I am getting married in May of next year and I’ve been having some troubles with my MOH, she is my very best friend of 20 years since we were 4. She just hasn’t been doing anything, I mean anything… Doesnt want to talk about the wedding, mind you we never talk wedding related stuff becuase she doesnt want to hear about it.
She has been very distant lately and when I try talk to her she just says she is very busy and just doesnt have time for our friendship anymore or so it seems.
Today I polietly asked her if she would rather be a bridesmaid and not have the added stress/pressure of MOH as I would still love to have her there with me or she needs to step up. Her reply was “I need to see if it fits in with my tafe” (in Australia its quite not University but it still studying).
I dont really know what to do, I am so hurt. She is my best friend of 20 years.
Post # 2
shewolf: Have you tried asking her if everything is ok with her? It sounds to me like she may be going through something and may be a bit hurt that you haven’t asked her about it?
Maybe that would be a good thing to ask her….. leave the wedding talk for a little while, May is a long ways away. If you don’t talk about it for a couple of weeks with her it won’t be the end of the world. Ask her to make plans the two of you like you used to, movies, dinner date, drinks. Maybe she just needs a little reminder that you are still there and it isn’t all about the wedding.
Don’t take this the wrong way, I had a bridesmaid that was a pain in the ass and I took every single approach possible. This was my first. It seemed to help….
Post # 3
Your wedding is 11 months away. Chill on the wedding talk until it’s closer to the event. Besides you and your fiance amd maybe both sets of parents no one else is that invested or cares.
MOH don’t have to do anything although many will plan a bachelorette party and or a bridal v shower. With 11 months to go these events are a long ways to go. You can pick out your dress on your own. You can even pick out the BMs dresses on your own n or just wait for her attention/ focus when ordering thedress becomes a real issue.
I would try not to let what she said upset you too much. just be her friend and not bride to be for a bit.
Post # 4
MrsPiggles: I have been engaged for a while now nearly 2 years. I asked her pretty much when I got engaged, she happily accepted. We didnt talk anything wedding related up until recently. Ive asked multiple times if something was wrong multiple times, if I had done something to upset her and she told me she was just busy
Post # 5
shewolf: What exactly are you expecting her to do? Your wedding is 11 months away there is nothing she should be doing now.
Your bridal party are not your wedding slaves. If you need help planning your wedding then ask your FI or hire a wedding planner. This si your wedding, not her wedding.
Are you maybe a little consumed by your wedding? I find that when friends pull away from someone and avoid a certain topic at all costs it is usally because the other person wont shut up about it.
It sounds like she is stressed and busy. Have you asked about her life lately? Asked if everything is going ok for her? Tell her you have noticed a distance in your friendship and ask if you have done something to upset her.
At the end of the day no one is going to be as excited about or interested in your wedding as you. And they don’t have to be!
Post # 7
shewolf: If she studying it might be the cost that is an issue and she doesnt want to say.
we are all looking for something different and have different aspect of what a MOH role is. If i was in your shoes i would write down what i want and talk to her TAFE holidays are on NOW for three weeks and its fresh subject next term so i would sort it out. If she isnt what you want cut her before you blame her for all the things that didnt happen because you werent supported.
if that hard an you best friend for 20 year by you side is more important than the role you thought the MOH would have find someone else to help you in those areas break it you so not one person is your support frame.
yes 11 months is not long and you should get what you want but remember sometimes the price can be too high and you need to work out which is more important and find the way to get it
Post # 8
I have tried numerous times with this friendship, I have flown to see her, a 3 hour flight, a few times a year. She comes to the Gold Coast numerous times a year, I live in Byron it’s 45 mins away do you think she makes the effort to say hey can I come visit? Or hey come up to the Gold Coast we can catch up. No. It’s through other people I find out.
Even when I got engaged I never really spoke about anything wedding with her, just if she would be my MOH.
She makes no effort to pick up the phone and call, if I call her it’s I’m busy I’ll talk soon. I don’t hear back for months.
Ill text her and I never get any replies. My daughters first birthday which is the day after mine, she forgot her birthday and mine and said I was overreacting when I asked why I didn’t hear from her on my birthday or hers. I have never once forgotten her birthday.
I am not too caught up in my wedding, I have planned it all by myself, I guess I would have liked my best friend there to share these special moments with me too.
I guess this this was the wrong place to come for a little bit of support.
Post # 9
more-most-always: thank you for being the only person who actually has something to offer!
I have told her that all I want is my best friend by my side and just for her to plan the hens, I’ll pay for everything the only thing she would need to do was organise that.
I feel that she is using study as an excuse. She said that if she can fit my wedding around tafe she would be my MOH which hurts a little because if the roles were reverse I would move heaven and earth to make sure her wedding was the most beautiful day of her life but it’s like she doesn’t care at all.
Post # 10
shewolf: Yes it hurts when those you believe in fail you. It sound like you feel your not getting the respect you believe this relationship deserves. i wish it was not like that for you. neither you or i are in her shoes and cant being to imagine what is her true reason for her responses. You have two weeks before Tafe returns and if you dont work it out by then i’m sorry to say it wont ever be resolved.
i have a friend her pick her best friend as the MOH and when she got back from her honeymmon she said it was the worst chioce and ruined her memories of the wedding bless and lead up and her friendship.
i dont know what you can do about it. you do need to talk to her about what she wants and if she is in the right frame to be the person by your side.
Post # 11
shewolf: site like this are build so you can talk about your wedding with other people who want to talk about it. so if its the exciting chit chat your missing you can find it on the net.
wedding are like baby photos to some people they just dont care no matter whos showing them.
Post # 12
You may think she is your best friend but it is pretty clear she doesn’t feel the same I’m afraid. It’s clearly not just about your wedding, if she comes to stay near you to visit others and doesn’t tell you then it is fairly obvious you aren’t that important to her.
It sounds to me that she is trying to let you down gently by being non-committal and avoidance tactics but you are not taking the hint. Time for you to tell her she isn’t going to be MOH any more and move on.
Post # 13
shewolf: Can I ask why you asked her to be your MOH? It does not sound like you are friends at all. I think she is sending you a pretty clear message that you are just not getting.
Post # 14
j_jaye: up until she moved we were inseparable
Post # 15
shewolf: How long ago was that?
When people move away they sometimes change, they sometimes see past relationships as something that wasn’t good for them, they sometimes get busy and caught up in their new life.
Sadly sometimes friends end. Soemtimes we out grow our old friends. Sometimes we just have to stare the cold hard facts in the face. It really sounds like she no longer considers you her best friend.
But I would talk to her not about your wedding but about your friendship. If you can’t get hold of her by phone then email her. Do not make it accussational. Just say something along the lines of how you miss her, what her friendship means to you, how not being able to keep in contact makes you feel sad/whatever.