- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2013
REALLY REALLY Longgggg story…
My cousin and I have always been like sisters, she is about 9 years older then I so she is a older sister figure to myself. I was even MOH at her wedding when I was around 16 (may have been 17).
I guess I should start with this story around her wedding. She made myself her MOH and my 2 other cousins ,one my age at 16ish and the other around 19/20. She also had 2 other friends in, one as BM the other as matron of honour.
Well I guess my 2 cousins and their mother (my aunt) decided that they were not going to make it down to her wedding till the night before as they wanted to go to their other cousins (on their father’s side) GRADE 8 grad ceremony. This got my cousin (bride) rightfully upset as all the BM knew about the wedding a year and a half in advance and it was only courteous to at least show up a few days before the wedding. Well I guess attitudes got bad on the other cousins end (the BM’s) as they said some choice words over email and my cousin yes being a bit dramatic(..she is a only child) had no choice but to drop them from the wedding the week leading up to the event as she didn’t want to deal with the stress (I guess that was her reason…I dunno).
Fast forward to 2010, my older sister-cousin has her third baby. I am all over that and I was calling the week leading up to the delivery and saying I would leave work ASAP if she needed babysitting for the 2 girls. I went to go visit in the hospital when the baby was born. I was involved in her 2 daugters lives…I went to all birthday parties and spoiled them on christmas and such.
I didn’t have a car of my own, so the easiest way for me to visit was to join whenever my aunt (my sister-cousin’s mother…whom I lived with at the time, visited).
2 weeks following the nirth of baby #3 , I text my sister-cousin to see if she was busy the following weekend so I can come visit, and I get a text in response saying something like “I am upset at you, I feel like you don’t make time for me. you never visit. You only call me when you NEED something from me, and you never call just to talk…” and it went on in that manner. The end of the line was she was upset for I DON”T KNOW WHAT REASON!!! I was confused and tried to talk it out with her, but with the classic only-child syndrom she DISH STUFF out and say whatever she was feeling, but could not listen or take in my feeling and got grossly insulted when I told her I didn’t understand AT ALL what she was talking about. I admitted to speening a few more weekends now with friends my own age, but hey I was 22…I wansn’t neccissarily sorry about that!
So like I said, she can be over dramatic, and she took her unexplainable upsetness too far and just stopped contacting me. This went on for a WHOLE YEAR…I admit I stopped trying. It’s hard when the terms to having a relationship with a person is entirly on their own terms and there is no comparamise.
I got disincluded from some family holidays, as (unless a big holiday like christmas) my cousin usually hosted the local family members at her house and because I was apparently so called “using her” every time I went to her home for a holiday (NEVER MIND WANTING TO SPEND TIME WITH PPL)…unfortunately I had no place to host ppl of my own.
I was glad in 2011 I found my current SO, or I would have become majorly rejected.
Well I decided Christmas 2011 was going far enough, I pulled up my “big girl panties” and I APPLOOGIZED to my cousin for…ACTUALLY I DON’T know what I applogized for, to be honest I STILL don’t know what I did wrong!!! I just said a bunch of nice words so she could stop pouting and I could actually spend time with my family. Well I guess they worked for her, and she “forgave” me (I still don’t know what I was forgiven for!).
fast forward Sept 2012…I am engaged!!! yay!!! My sister-cousin in happy for me…all is well in the family!!! I even ask my sister-cousin to be my MOH! She cried when I gave her the letter to ask her to be the honoured maid! Everything wwas good!!! My sister-cousin was even shocked that no one offered to host a engagment party for us (my FI family doesn’t know anything about weddings…this is the first big real traditional wedding in the family in decades!). Well she hosts the party for us…it was awesome..she even surprised me with family members that live clear across the province 8 hours away! My FI made sure to thank her! I was planning to give her a big gift at the wedding for all the extra she did!
Fast forward a little bit further to the 2nd week of January 2013. I called my MOH (sister-cousin) to ask her if she recieved my money transfer (she has been planning a family reuniion for about a year that will be held easter weekend..we had to send her money for our reservations…btw I booked my wedding the end of JUne…I figured that was enough time for the family to recover from the reunion to make their way back down for my wedding). She said she recieved the money, small talk, we hang up.
hour later She calls back, she starts to tell me “I feel like you ar just calling me because you need something from me all the time. you call me just so I can go to a bridal salon with you (yes true, I had an issue and my aunt, her mother, suggested I bring her. after the salon we wnet back to her house to chill for a few hours), you call me and BEG me to come to my house for christmas because you had nothing to do (false, I could have gone to my FI family for the 25th, but we spent the 25th the year before with his family, so I thought want to spend it with my family this year…I did call and ask to come…but hey she was there and so were my grandparents who raised me, so I thought why not go to where my family will be. Is this a crime?!). ” She also said ” you called me once last week and then this week to ask if I had money” (false! I called her 3 times since christmas. New years day to say happy new years, the friday after NY to ask if she wanted to join myself, her mother and my other anut to go look at wedding dresses…she declined…she was busy with the kids. I sent her a email of pictures of me in the dress she REALLY wanted me to try on! I calculated 3 calls and 1 email in just under 3 weeks…not bad, i think so).
So I tried to call her later on in the day and talk to her. She is too angry and just doesn’ttalk and that is that. I talk to her mom, who tries to mediate, but she just tries to say oh “you don’t comment on her FB wall like you do your other cousins” (I didn’t deem this neccissary as I see my other cousins less, that is really the only form of contact with them besides a random text or even more random phone call). My aunt then suggested that my cousin was busy planning the reunion and stressed and maybe I should lay low until after (I understand she is stressed I do not have a problem with that)
So now that I bored you with paragraphs of story. My current attitude about this is:
This is my wedding, and although I LOVE my cousin, I really don’t feel like bending to her every whim and command in order to make her feel better about her feelings that MAKE NO SENSE!!!!!!
I told my Fi that IF my cousin still acts like a brat after the family reunion in March, I may have to ask her to step down from being MOH (this may be a bigger sting, because my other 2 cousins that were kicked out of her wedding are also BM’s in my wedding..no problems in that front!).
Am I being unreasonable…should I just go appoloigize to my cousin to make her feel better…or should I not, because in reality I DIDN’t DO ANYTHING!
Sorry for the vent….I would love to hear opinions…thanks!