(Closed) MOH upset & not sure if I want to fix it

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
653 posts
Busy bee

@KingsDaughter:  I can foresee she will cause so much headaches if you keep her. If you can bear  her dramatic behavior, go for it. But if you can’t, drop her. Wedding is suppose to be the happiest day of your life. Yes, you’ll have to deal with her later, and possibly risk losing her, but she’s asking for it.

do you really want to look back and remember your wedding as full of drama?

Post # 5
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Motor museum

This is not an only child thing, this is someone being an idiot thing! Don’t blame the only child, I am an only child and don’t behave like this.

Post # 6
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I second not blaming this on being an only child thing. 
 Lots of people with siblings act like spoiled brats. I’m an only child and I’m nothing like your cousin. 

Post # 7
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I don’t think OP meant anything by the only child comment; I think she was just using a generalisation but of course it doesn’t mean all only children are like that 🙂

OP this cousin sounds very difficult but I don’t think you should bump her from the wedding party. This’ll open a whole new can of worms and if she didn’t speak to you once before over nothing then if you dump her as MOH you can expect a huge backlash from her and I expect she’d remove her children too. My advice would be to try to have as little to do with her as possible but still check in maybe once a week by phone. Don’t expect anything, give her few chores, and overly say how great she is if she does. I’m not saying this is what you should do, because you’re clearly not in the wrong, but if you stir something up before the wedding it’ll probably cause more strain on the family and maybe it’s just good to avoid it. After the wedding you can then reassess with your FI about whether you really want to keep her in your life.

Post # 9
Member
859 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

Does she ever call you just to talk?

 

Post # 10
Member
734 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@KingsDaughter:  Yikes… I don’t think this behavior will stop. Her amount of self-absorbtion and selfishness (not to mention weird accusations) seriously make her sound kind of unstable. I personally would rethink having her in the bridal party and also your relationship with her from here on out. I could see forgiving her the first time, but since she’s done the exact same thing to you again I wouldn’t trust her!

Post # 14
Member
734 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@KingsDaughter:  I wouldn’t intentionally compete with her, but I do understand the feeling. I don’t like to compete, but when someone makes you angry and tries to make you feel/look like a bad person, you really just kind of want to “prove” that you’re better at x, y, and z with them.

But then you’re letting her win because you’re giving all of your power away to her. Use that power to be the best you that you can be! I totally get where you are coming from though, because I get the same feelings when people try to make me feel bad/inferior (and I’m never a competitive person).

Do you know if there was maybe a reason behind why your two cousins and aunt cancelled on her for her wedding? It sounds like a huge jerk move for them to do that, and I can’t see why many people would choose an 8th grade graduation over a wedding.. I’m just curious, since you’re seeing that this cousin of your’s actually has some “interesting” behaviors, haha.

Post # 15
Member
665 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I say call her on it. Ask her if her behaviour is a result of stress or what she is actually mad about, and tell her she can’t expect you to give her all your attention. You are planning the most important day in your life and she sould understand what that means to you and your FI. and that her behavious is effecting the entire family, and your relatioship with her. I would be straight and honest with her, dont try and bury it again becase you know it doesnt work. If she is just creating things in  her head maybe you can snap her bck to reality.

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