MOH Vent – She blew off my engagement party

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2418 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@2BeeMrsE:  Yikes I don’t know, reading through your post I was assuming your sister was unmarried and maybe was having a hard time watching her sister get married first (not a valid excuse but at least a better reason), but it sounds like she’s already married.  I don’t want to jump to conclusions in any direction, because I only know a little part of the story from your post, but I’d encourage you to think back over the last couple months and try to see if you’ve both been good to each other up until this point.

For example, I have one friend who likes to complain about our other friend who “blows her off.”  My first thought being that this other girl is a crummy friend.  Until I got to know them both better and realized that the complainer is incredibly selfish and only gets together with friends to carry on 2-hour monologues about the 7 different guys she’s in love with at any given time.

I’m not saying that’s the case here but it sounds like your sister might have been upset about something (maybe something not even related to you!) and is lashing out as a result.  If you can find something in your recent past to explain it then great, you can make it better.  And if not, I’d just keep being good to her and wait for her to feel comfortable enough to explain it, or at least treat you better.  Hope that helps!

Post # 5
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@2BeeMrsE:  Being anti-social, and wanting to be a hermit are completely different.  Some people love socialevents, others hate them. I prefer 1-on-1 time with those I care about, and simply suck it up fir group events, sometimes I just genuinely do not have the energybfor a social event I agreed to attend, so I put in as much time as I can mange and then high tail it out if there.

She didn’t blow off your party, she was late and left early, an invitation isn’t a summons, nor do the party times mean you cannot show up between that time period but only at exactly that time and leave at exactly the end time. 

Post # 7
Member
2418 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@2BeeMrsE:  It sounds like you’ve been an awesome bride and very considerate 🙂 there may just be something else going on in her life right now.  Honestly she may be reluctant to talk about any problems she’s having because she knows you’re planning a wedding and have enough stress.  Which is totally out of your control so just keep being the great sister you are and wait for her to come around.

Post # 9
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Truthfully, and I could be way off here, she sounds a bit depressed. I know when I went through some serious depression a couple of years ago, gatherings with lots of people were just exhausting. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to connect with people, but it was just too much effort. There are lots of reasons for depression, and it may be manifesting “around” your wedding stuff but might actually not be related to it at all. The brain can be complicated. As far as her husband’s party goes, that’s kind of odd, but again if she’s dealing with something like depression, things don’t always make a lot of sense.

If she is normally not an anti-social person, and now seems to be going through this, it might be worth a sit-down together and an open discussion.

Again, I could be totally and completely wrong, but it’s just a thought.

Post # 10
Member
3377 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@jennmariee:  Or perhaps her sister’s lack of enthusiasm for the party really had nothing to do with the bride at all.

OP, during the next 4 months you will have lots of opportunity to find lots of ways to be hurt by the behavior of others in and surrounding your wedding. If there’s an engagement party, chances are there’s gonna be a shower, a bahcelorette party, and etc  yet coming up. Many many events to attend. NOt everyone will be able to participate fully in each and every one of them.

People have lives outside of your wedding, let them live their lives without taking their actions personally.

Post # 11
Member
596 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@2BeeMrsE:  My MOH, friend of over 20 years didn’t even go to my engagement party. And I was suppose to pick her up an hour away! I’m 29 and she’s 31. I couldn’t get a hold of her all day and finally an hour before my party started, she txtd me saying she’s sorry and too drunk to go. Even though I was picking her up. Then it turned out she was 15 minutes away from house, while she was getting drunk. After that day she never called me or anything. Didn’t hear from her after 6 months. We went to a mutual friend’s bday party. I had already decided to drop her and not invite her. But when we met up she did apologize and said she was being selfish. that’s all I wanted to hear. FI and I are eloping now, just the two of us. So it doesn’t matter now. But I would still not have her as my MOH. In your situation that’s your sister tho. It’s harder because she’s always going to be around, but I think she was wrong. 

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