- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
wow, that is pretty bold of them to want to be seen together at a wedding. (not trying to judge but i second what you said about the nature of the event.)
If it is going to stress you out during the day (as you said he was the source of a lot of drama) you have every right to talk to you MOH about the situation. Will other people be uncomfortable? How does your MOH feel about it...has she thought about the appriopriateness of it all? Does she care? It deserves a conversation.
I also think it was rude of her to tell you she's bringing him rather than ask you.
train_1.JPG (1799.7 KB, 44 downloads) 2 years old 0168.jpg (115.7 KB, 47 downloads) 2 years old 0067.jpg (165.2 KB, 50 downloads) 2 years old vows.jpg (57.6 KB, 36 downloads) 2 years old dress_2.jpg (84.2 KB, 34 downloads) 2 years old dress_1.jpg (21 KB, 38 downloads) 2 years old 
That's ridiculous. Girl, you need to tell her "no way jose". How tacky!!!!!!!!!!
that seems like bad wedding juju! ;) hopefully she will change her mind when you have a chat
DRESS5.jpg (796 KB, 38 downloads) 2 years old DRESS4.jpg (752.5 KB, 29 downloads) 2 years old DRESS6.jpg (748.1 KB, 36 downloads) 2 years old DRESS1.jpg (730.1 KB, 31 downloads) 2 years old 
Yeah I think you need to tell her no. you can either be honest why - you don't want drama, you don't want someone flaunting their disregard for marriage on the day you take your vows, etc. - or just tell her you are only letting people in serious relationships bring a date.
Edit - as with DoctorGirl I generally believe in letting things like this go and concentrating on the bigger picture, but to me, this just seems wrong!
I'm usually a pretty concilliatory, live and let live kind of person. But this would be a do not pass go situation. I'd say no in firm terms and let her know that if she tries this stunt, it's a deal breaker.
At least she let you know beforehand, but I find it pretty bold that she even thought of doing this.
I agree it is very bold of her to tell you that she is bringing him. Since she is your MOH you must be close to her so I suggest really sitting down and talking to her about it!! Good luck!!
It's very painful enduring an affair. My xh cheated and I hurt so bad about five years back.
That being said, and also because this site is about love and marriage and committment, I would ask you to NOT ENABLE THIS.
Sure, it's their business, but if you believe in the sanctity of marriage, in your vows, and in right vs. wrong, you will tell her it won't happen at your wedding.
I personally will not enable something I find not only hurtful, destructive, but IMMORAL.
and if you're her bff and let this continue, your not addressing this issue a long time ago would signal her that you're ok with it.
I definitely say it's inappropriate for a wedding! It's a blatant disregard for the sanctity of marriage and the vows you're saying to each other that day. I would just sit her down and calmly talk about it. Why does she want to bring him? Did she think about what kind of event it is and what kind of message it would send? What about having to answer friendly questions about who he is? I'm thinking she just doesn't realize what she's trying to do.
2010-01-19_200521.jpg (45.8 KB, 52 downloads) 2 years old 2010-01-19_085806.jpg (182.5 KB, 74 downloads) 2 years old 2010-01-19_091428.jpg (73 KB, 50 downloads) 2 years old 
I agree with everyone here. It's not acceptable for her to bring that man to your wedding. I think you need to tell her that you feel it's inappropriate and you will not be complicit in his disregard for his wedding vows. (They are basically putting you and all of your other guests in the position of keeping this affair from that man's wife. It's a really small world and you don't want to put your guests in a position of finding out that their friend/coworker/neighbor's husband is cheating on her in public).
Why your MOH feels it is acceptable to carry on in public with a married man like it's a normal relationship is beyond me. One or both of them should be ashamed of their behavior.
I would NEVER allow this to happen at my wedding. Even if it put a strain on my friendship with the person.
I hope your MOH sees your point of view and is willing to respect your feelings on the matter.
Good luck!
Personally I think she is being inappropriate. Nevertheless, her choice of guest reflects on her, not on you. If you let her bring him, if she's smart she won't be broadcasting his married status at the wedding so it might turn out to be a non-issue. If others do know, they're under no obligation to keep it a secret; that's her risk to take. If it will be a big distraction to you however, I think you're within your rights to discuss your misgivings with her and to ask her not to bring him if you're still really uncomfortable with the idea.
But the devil's advocate says, who are we to force her to conform to our views of marriage? Just because we believe the institution should be a certain way (i.e., monogamous) does not mean that everyone else has to agree with us or that we should force others to behave in the ways we deem proper. People are entitled to their own views and their own actions. They are two consenting adults; let her bring him.
I'd say that it's realllly tacky for her to consider doing this.
BUT, not knowing the circumstances of her relationship makes me somewhat sympathetic. Also, it really is her business and her choice. I'd be tempted to talk to her about it and express my concerns, but not "forbid" her to bring him. She is an adult and ultimately, telling her what to do will jeapordize your friendship.
SANY1510.JPG (1094.8 KB, 54 downloads) 2 years old SANY1491.JPG (1364.4 KB, 47 downloads) 2 years old SANY1507.JPG (1461 KB, 45 downloads) 2 years old SANY1489.JPG (1508.2 KB, 47 downloads) 2 years old 
I would say this is really a question of your personal feelings. And I don't know how you feel about adultery in general, or this relationship in particular, so it's hard for me to advise. I have actually had friends who have put me in similar situations (although not at my wedding, thank heavens). My response was: "While you are my friend, and your relationship doesn't change that, I do think that what you are doing is wrong. Since I do believe that, while I'm just as happy as ever to do things with you, please don't ask me to do things with the two of you."
I'm sure that you don't want to damage your friendship with your MOH, but that doesn't mean that you have to condone a relationship that is undoubtedly hurting other people, and will most likely end badly for her. And allowing her to bring this guy to your wedding as her date is condoning the relationship.
So my advice would be this - if you would be happy to double date with them, go on vacation with them, invite them to a dinner party at your house, I think that you should go ahead and let her bring him to the wedding (although it's not inappropriate to let her know that you hold her responsible for making sure there is no drama). If you don't think that you would be happy socializing with them as a couple on other occasions, then it's appropriate to let her know that she needs to find another date.
My first reaction is this: I feel sorry for your friend. My guess is that she desperately wants to bring her married boyfriend to your wedding because no one he or his wife knows will be there. It's probably hard for them to find places to be together in public as a couple.
But you're not obligated to provide a public date night for the two of them if you're uncomfortable with their relationship. I agree with suzanno -- if you wouldn't be OK with hanging out with this couple on another occasion, there's no reason you have to say OK to your MOH bringing her married boyfriend to your wedding. Tell your friend what you told us here -- that you don't feel it's appropriate to condone someone cheating on his wife at your wedding.
Although we don't know all of the details of the relationship, I think that if it is something that makes you extremely uncomfortable at your own wedding, you have <span class="Apple-style-span" style="text-decoration: underline; font-style: italic">every right to bring this up to your MOH. Remember, she is going to be in a lot of pictures with you... and if you are planning on having "head tables" or "wedding party tables" he will probably have to sit at a table with your-- or at least other bridesmaids.
If she is truly one of your best friends, i think a "real" chat is the best idea. Let her know that you don't want the drama, but beyond that, you don't want to support something like that on your wedding day. It might be different if she was asking to bring him to a backyard bbq - but its your wedding. Its supposed to be one of the best days of your life, and if you truly feel that his presence will change this, then you should talk to her.
Maybe I missed it in the original post, knewman, but I don't think your MOH bringing a married man implies that they are in a relationship. Obviously, I do not know her situation but it could be that this man (and his wife) and her are good friends, and she would actually prefer to take this good friend versus some guy she has just started dating or going stag.
However, since it is your day and you are obviously uncomfortable with the situation than you should have an honest discussion with her; but I wouldn't be suprised if the issue causes a rift between the two of you but as long as your approach her in positive and non accusatory manor, your MOH should be respectful enough to listen to your request.
Too many people turn their heads and look the other way when something like an affair happens. Sure somebody will get hurt!
It's one thing for this "date" wanting to disrespect his wife and lie to her, but another for the maid of honor to bring this man to an event, where he will be photographed with her, the wedding party, and PRETEND he is an available man or able to be a date. He's married.
It's disrespectful for the bride too.
The original poster makes (knewman) makes it CLEAR that this man is married. Infers he's cheating with MOH. And says that the man will not divorce his wife. If the MOH and this man were ONLY FRIENDS, then the bride would most likely not have mentioned in the post that 1)he has been the source of drama and 2)that he has no intent of divorcing his wife.
Must people always turn the other cheek when something happens that's destructive to families and marriages? Do people have to passively condone or tolerate something wrong?
After what happened to me (got the rug pulled out from under me by xh after buying new home, trying for another child), I speak out on this subject and let it be known. AFFAIRS HURT FAMILIES.
Please don't passively condone this MOH's choice to bring this cad.
I agree with everyone it is a little ridiculous, however if she is set on it, and if NO ONE at your wedding knows this pathetic guy, then it would be OK... assuming he removes the ring... I know its not the honest way to go but it may be the only way if she is deadset on him
That being said, you still need to give this girl's head a shake.
~Tory
I posted earlier about this but I have to agree with Bellenga. Even if nobody knows this guy at your wedding, it still does not address the issue of the fact that this man and your MOH are cheating on his wife...and displaying it at a wedding! People don't like to judge one another and that is why we try to stay out of each others' business, but in a way, it is also condoning that type of behavior. If there are no consequences to what they are doing, they will continue to do it. If nobody makes them think of what they are doing, they will continue to do it.
umbrellas.jpg (49.4 KB, 35 downloads) 2 years old 
Oh.No. I agree that her TELLING you who she's bringing is pretty out-of-line. Not to mention her choice of +1 is utterly tacky. I second (fifth?eight?hundreth?) the idea that you need to have the heart-to-heart with her. This is your wedding. Your word goes.
IMG_7286.jpg (1378.5 KB, 33 downloads) 2 years old
I also posted earlier about this, but I wanted to add something: when I said I feel sorry for your friend, I didn't mean "gee, it's so unfair she can't be in public with her cheating married boyfriend." I feel sorry for her because she's willing to settle for being in such a sad shell of a relationship.
You know, it's possible this could end up being a moot point. Has her boyfriend actually said that he will attend? If he has no intention of leaving his wife, it seems like he might not risk attending a wedding with your friend -- you never know who you'll run into at those things.
Regardless, you're completely within your rights to tell your MOH "no way."
WTH. I cannot believe you wrote asking what you should do. But since you asked: ditch the MOH. Can you just imagine? She might bring your future husband to the next wedding she's invited to and you'd be that dumb chick with the MOH that stole your husband.
Wow, mywifemakesmereadthis (love the name) makes a great point. That would be terrible being the wife in this situation. I think we all can feel for the wife in this situation since we will all be wives (or are wives) soon. I wouldn't say ditch the MOH, but I would definitely have a heart to heart with her, and explain how hurtful that would be to other people. I doubt she would truly want to hurt someone else. Good luck :)
I’m not really saying anything new. But I just wanted to post because it’s important to stress that too often people stand by and watch these situations happen without saying anything. Maybe they think it isn’t their business or don’t want to get involved or don’t realize the pain that it can cause.
A good friend of mine’s bf cheated on her with her married friend. We all later found out that a number of people in our circle of friends knew about the situation, even hanging out with the cheating “couple”.
I think if you allow these things to happen, you are condoning their actions and the relationship.
I'm late to this party.
Man. Y'all really assume the worst about people.
We don't know the exact nature and/or details of this relationship. We don't know that he isn't separated from his wife or that they don't have a valid reason for not divorcing. My parents aren't divorced but they've been legally separated for over 2 years and my dad has lived in another state for the past year. They aren't planning on divorcing in the near future. Saying that she is bringing a "married man" insinuates an affair but that may not be the case. A) Divorce can be expensive. Maybe they can't afford it, B) Maybe they're just putting it off because divorce is also a pain in the butt and unless one of them wants to remarry, there isn't a dire need for it, C) Maybe, for whatever reason, she isn't working and they're staying married because he doesn't want his wife to lose coverage under his benefits, D) Divorce damages your credit (I may be wrong about this one. I'm not a credit expert.), E) Maybe they have an open relationship and his wife knows about and is ok with him seeing the MOH... etc, etc, etc. We don't know. If his marriage is no longer a living, breathing thing... then why can't he date? And why can't she date him? That's their business. I, personally, am not a religious person. I don't see marriage as a "holy" union. Don't get me wrong- I believe that marital vows should only be spoken in the utmost sincerity but to Karl and I, marriage is a commitment and a partnership between 2 people that love each other. What those people do with that relationship is between them. Who are we to judge?
Now if they are indeed having an actual sneaking-around-full-on affair, by all means, tell her he's not welcome. That's just messed up that she would even think it'd be ok to bring him. That's just bad form.
I think you make a good point, AW, about the fact that no one here can know the full situation other than the OP (and of course, she might not even have the whole story from her MOH). I think what most people are picking up on is the fact that the OP said that the guy "has no intentions of getting a divorce from his wife" per her MOH and that she is uncomfortable with it and finds it inappropriate.
I think that if the original poster is going to be uncomfortable having this person at her wedding, then she should speak up. I know that there seems to be a trend these days toward trying to only have meaningful, supportive people at weddings, and I reasoned from the original post that the author would be uncomfortable having this man at her wedding because of the disdain he has demonstrated through his actions for marriage (in a traditional sense).
I think the OP should go with her gut and speak honestly with her MOH without accusation. Hopefully all will end well. :)
Since a month has passed, I wonder what the OP originally ended up doing...
IV23SV-silver-mercury-glass-vases.jpg (2.9 KB, 160 downloads) 1 year old V20SV-Mercury-Glass-Candle-Holder.jpg (9.4 KB, 118 downloads) 1 year old V30SV-Mercury-Glass-Candle-Holders.jpg (12.8 KB, 85 downloads) 1 year old V10SV-Silver-Mercury-Glass-Votive.jpg (25.7 KB, 96 downloads) 1 year old V24SV-Mercury-Glass-Candle-Holder.jpg (16.2 KB, 78 downloads) 1 year old V25SV-Mercury-Glass-Candle-Holder.jpg (8.5 KB, 95 downloads) 1 year old
I agree, Lillindy! I wish there was a board section for following up, or an easier way to track favorite threads (though maybe there is and I'm just not familiar with it!). :)
Oh my sweet Jesus... Bold isn't the word. Inappropriate is really more like it, and not to mention selfish. If she wants to behave like a whore then I guess she can do whatever she wants in her bedroom, but how dare she bring that potential jerry springer event to you on your wedding day!!!! Tell her to get a man of her own or else don't bother to show up. Can you imagine if this guys wife happened to find out about their little debut and made a scene at your reception? Never say never, I have seen some crazy things happen before!
That's pretty inconsiderate of her letting you know via email that she is BRINGING her already married boyfriend to YOUR wedding. What ever happened to asking?
With that being said, I agree with everyone else--tell her NO WAY! This is YOUR day. Not her day to be with her adulterous boyfriend. If she wants to be with a man who've broken his own wedding vows, that's her business. But to bring him to such a momentous event such as your wedding, that's YOUR business. Tell her like it is! She's your MOH and I'm sure she'll respect/agree with what you have to say. Even though she won't be swapping spit with her cheating boyfriend that night, at least you can rest assure that it will be a drama-less night.
Quick side note, I ran into a high school friend I havent seen in YEARS at one of my church friend's wedding last year. This high school friend lives in Irvine and is Buddhist, but turned out to be the nephew of my church friend. Go figure. It's a small world! So you should definitely think about that cheating scum running into any of his wife's collegues at your wedding--a war will ensue, I'm sure of it.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
