MOH-zilla or am I wrong? (very long!! Sorry!) :(

posted 1 year ago in Emotional
Member
1916 posts
Buzzing bee

@LLRininger:  Try and talk it out with her. Share that you had done your best to be a good MOH and not once complained about money to her. If she keeps acting childish and doesn’t apologize, you may need to find a new MOH.

Member
4172 posts
Honey bee

@LLRininger:  WHOA!  Sorry you’re dealing with this.

I’ve got to say in the first paragraph you sound a little harsh towards your sister, but that could just be what you’re currently going through with her rubbing off.

I’d remind her (once she’s calmed down!) that that is a good average price for a BM dress (and in fact it’s right in the range of what people paid for dresses in HER wedding).  Nice of your Mom to offer to help to settle the dispute.  

You went above and beyond getting another job to participate in sister’s wedding and it does sound like she’s trying to run yours a little, not that this is right of her, but she may think she’s “helping” because she already went through all of this and is married.

 

Member
2388 posts
Buzzing bee

Yikes!  To be perfectly honest though, I think you both are in the wrong.  You really should have asked her before you looked at dresses what her and the rest of your BMs’ budgets are.  It’s pretty clear that you were trying to keep costs down, but sometimes even $100 is too much for someone to pay.  Having said that, I think your sister was waaay out of line calling you up and yelling at you.  She should have expressed her concern in a much more calm and rational matter.

I think moving foward, I would be the bigger person and call your sister and apologize for not getting her budget beforehand.  I would then get her budget and either find a dress within that price range or offer to cover the difference.  Hopefully when you do this your sister will apologize for overreacting.  If not, I would do my best to let it go and not involve her in any other wedding details.

Good luck!

Member
3696 posts
Sugar bee

As a PP said I think you were both wrong. I get sister dynamics can be hard, I have two but be the adult and calmly talk to her about the dress. I don’t think having your mom play interefence is going to help.

I hope you re-read your comments on your sister:

“ My sister is a little on the heavy side but none of my other bridesmaids are”

“She’s always been really jealous since Im thinner and had better luck with guys in the past.”

“my sister is just a mean person. That is why my parents and I thought she would never get married.”

You seem to be pretty hasrsh towards her as well.

 

Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee

@LLRininger:  I feel for you. I am sorry you have to be going through this. This is suppose to be your time and people that are in your party should be supportive and caring, specially your MOH.

I think you should wait few days and have a serious conversation on how you feel and that this shouldn’t be so hard. Tell her you love her and that you are really trying to accomodate her, but this is your wedding and your choices and ask for more support and understanding on her part. 

Looks to me that your sister is makign this about her rather then stepping away and lettign you have the light.

Good Luck.

Member
1616 posts
Bumble bee

@ieatunicorns:  totally agree.  

I was reading this and thought YIKES.  OP, YOU sound like the mean person.

Member
3478 posts
Sugar bee

Pull out the reciept from the money you spent on being her MOH and ask her again if she has a problem. then to shut up and pass the stuffing

Member
3478 posts
Sugar bee

Sistership is tough. both sisters have the capasity to be horrible bitches to each other.

Member
1000 posts
Bumble bee

@LLRininger:  used to beat the crap out of me when my parents werent home and then bribe me or threaten me if I showed my parents the bruises

Did this happen recently or something?

Member
1198 posts
Bumble bee

@Sapphire-Dreamer:   Lol!  ”…and pass the stuffing.” +1 Agreed!

I would either tell her for her to buy her own dress to her liking and not care what she gets just to keep her from arguing with me for every little thing. That’s if you’re not picky about what she wears. 

Or get her budget, pay the difference or take your mom up on her offer to help.

Demote her to BM or don’t have her in the wedding at all. If you don’t care about the consequences of doing that. 

Ignore her on Thanksgiving day if she starts bringing up the wedding in a negative way. 

Just have a talk with her and express everything you’re feeling and good or bad, at least everything is out in the open. what more can you do.  

Member
406 posts
Helper bee

@ieatunicorns:  

@ltcolumbo:  

disagree. first statement – fact, and explains why her sister doesn’t want her legs showing; nowhere did she say that being heavy was a bad thing, just that it made her and her other girls on different pages re: bm dresses. and then said that she would accomodate that by letting her have a different one.

other two statements – a little mean, but she’s caught up in emotion and it’s how she’s interpreted her sisters’ past actions. true? maybe, maybe not. but i think it highlights the dysfunction in the this relationship more than it serves as proof that she’s a bitch.

@OP – the sentence that jumped out to me was “My sister and I dont really get along.” everything past that just goes to reinforce that sentiment. WHY would you have someone you don’t get along with in your wedding party? not to mention she’s been “bullying [you your] entire life”. if that was my sister she wouldn’t even be invited – why force a relationship that clearly doesn’t exist? it is your prerogative however.

at this point, i’d give her options: same dress, longer dress, sit it out. tell her how much effort you put into making hers better/easier, and then tell her while you don’t EXPECT her to do the same for you, you DO expect her not to make it more stressful, and to act in a more rational manner going forward; while she’s welcome to voice concerns, throwing temper tantrums will get her removed in the future (you don’t have to say that last bit if you don’t want to – but do tell her it’s unreasonable, immature, not a stressor you’re signing up for, and then seriously consider what you’ll do if she throws another hissy fit)

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