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@amwagner24: You say she's a stay at home mother, and her husband works. If I were you, I'd not leap too far to conclusions without speaking to her. You don't know what finances are like, or what her relationship is like. Since only her husband is working, he might be holding that over her head and setting budgets and limiting her spending. Since she technically doesn't contribute anything to the finances, it might be a hot button issue for them. (That's called financial abuse, and it does happen).
Without being on the inside of her family, you can't know if she's doing it specifically because she has issues with you or not, so do your best to enjoy what you're getting out of the day, and focus on getting married.
If you find in other areas of life your friend falls flat (emotional support, caring about things that go on in your life, etc) then I'd be asking hard-hitting questions about whether the friendship is worth it.
She could be having a tough pregnancy - even if outwardly that isn't obvious, you REALLY never know.
I would let your other bridesmaids know this is going on, and let them talk to each other about redistributing responsibilities.
I mean, really even if she wasn't acting funny, you NEVER know what could go on with her that late in pregnancy, so you should have a backup plan regardless.
Two of my bridesmaids are TTC, so I made the decision to not specify a MOH. If one of them can't make it, the others are all able to make it work.
You have every right to feel disappointed - but I'd leave it at that.
You know what? If my husband was not giving me money or we had money problems, I would let the other hosts know that I was unable to contribute to the party at this time. I would also let you know privately what was going on. I sure the hell wouldn't downgrade your shower to mints and cake (?). That's not how friends treat each other. Also, I've been pregnant and it was really tough. Not an easy pregnancy at all. I certainly would not have bailed on my best friends wedding or wedding activities. I would rally because that's what friends do. She sounds like a selfish brat. Sorry OP, I wish your MOH wasn't such a turd.
And again, I agree that I should probably just not say anything and look forward to the wedding. I just wanted to see if anyone saw where I was coming from, or if I was taking it the wrong way. Too bad I can't make my fiance my maid of honor....because he's fantastic! :)
@tcanne: I agree with you. In a perfect world, she would speak up, but she might be embarrassed, or ashamed. Who knows? There are red flags going up about this person most definitely, but it's tough to know why unless the OP has a heart to heart with MOH. She shouldn't have to though, I agree.
Your right, I just can't say anything to her....she get's so defensive and kind of scary. lol. It's just different than my personality. I rather talk things out and not argue. But thank you for your advice!
This is pretty brutal advice but to me it sounds like a one sided friendship and you do all the giving. Whether she is pregnant or not, she should do her MOH duties or speak up about not being able to do them. She seems unreliable. I'd ask her to step down as MOH and maybe not have her as a bridesmaid at all. I'd hate to see your wedding day roll around and she can't make it because she's pregnant.
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Hello all! I was wondering if I could get your advice on my MOH? I'll tell you the story, and then you can tell me if you see where I'm coming from, or if I'm crazy. So, my MOH offered to host a shower for me, great news! (I haven't asked anything of anyone, and certaintly wasn't expecting anything). Then when it comes time to plan it, she starts to get very sketchy. I have seven hosts, so the shower should come to $15 per person, (my mother picked the spot). Everyone else has been excited to participate in planning a shower for me, which made me feel very blessed! However she immediately was annoyed that we were going to have to rent out a place for the shower (Even though her bridal shower and baby shower were at a rented out place). Then she insists on just mints and cake, which is when the others stepped in to 'take over' because they insisted that it's not 1986 and no one does just mints and cake anymore. I'm still ok with all of this, she's a stay at home mom and she's 5 months pregnant....her husband makes a lot of money, but wasn't going to read into anything. My shower is this weekend, and she calls me yesterday saying she's 'tired' and 'pregnant' and since family comes first, she's not going to be able to come this weekend. OK...I still don't say anything, because I'm not the kind of person to get in petty arguements and while I avoid them at all costs, she's incredibly confrontational. So my issue is this, my wedding is in 2 months, she's going to be 'pregnant' then, so how do I know shes not going to flake out? (she lives 3 hours away). I'm not at all angry, my heart is just hurt by her complete lack of wanting to support me. She cried when I asked her to be my maid of honor and was thrilled, so what gives? I work ALL the time!!! However, when she got married, had a bridal shower, bachelorette party and baby shower....I used my only weekend off for the month to drive hours out of the way because I wanted to be there to support her! She wouldn't even let me fly with her to the state she was getting married in, because 'someone' needed to drive her dress down....9 HOURS AWAY! Which I did and didn't complain once to her! I'm a very supportive friend, I just don't know if she can't be happy for me or if it's something else? One of my other hosts told me my MOH was acting completely ridiculous like she didn't want me to have anything too nice. Ok, here is the last thing....I've spent HUNDREDS of dollars on all of her events and was happy to do so for her, she sent me this week a set of glasses that cost $9.99. I would completely not even think anything of this, if she weren't so well off. She's in a far better position financially then my other bridesmaids, and they have done so much for me. I don't care (so plese don't think I think it's all about money), but I have this gut feeling that she did it on purpose as a dig at me. I don't know what to do?! I guess I just won't say anything to her, but does anyone else see why I'm dissapointed by this behavior? Thanks, I appreciate your thoughts and oppinions! :)