Post # 1
My FI live in England. We are getting married in Las Vegas because it’s easier paperwork wise. His mom and sisters are coming (his sisters are bridesmaids) but his friends really cannot afford the expensive trip. My MOH is one of my closest friends and she offered for her boyfriend to stand in as best man, because I honestly have no men. My FI and her BF have met and they get along fine, they message on FB now and then. So it’s not as if he doesn’t know my FI at all. So last week my FI was here on a visit and we were supposed to spend memorial day with my MOH and her BF. I had to cancel because long story short my dog ate an entire pizza on sunday night and lets just say he had to be walked ALOT ALOT until it got out of his system. I coudn’t leave him at home alone (I live in an apt so he’s inside). She’s barely spoken to me since it happened and I could tell she was upset. I thought she would get over it and understand. I was discussing it with my other friend and she flat out asked her what was up and she said she’s not mad at me, but her BF is and now he’s prob not going to be the best man in our wedding because he didn’t get to talk to my FI about the wedding while he was here. WTH? well if that’s how they feel then they need to let ME Know, my wedding is in less than 4 months and I need to try and figure something else out. To be honest, I am so mad at both of them that I dont even want them there at all anymore. This JUST happened a few minutes ago so maybe when i’ve calmed down i’ll feel different, but my gut is telling me this is coming from her and not her BF because it was she that was being cold and not talking to me. I dont know what to do. If she tells me he wont be the best man, should I uninvite her as well? because it’s just plain mean to do that, and it’s hurting my FI more than me ya know? What should I do?
Post # 3
If that happens I would probably uninvite her. It sounds like you’re having a super intimate wedding, so it’s not like they’ll get lost in the crowd. But I would try and talk it out with her first, maybe it’s something you two can move beyond and since FI isn’t really friends with her BF anyway, it’s probably not worth losing your best friend over.
Post # 4
I will shine some light from another side – she didn’t say this to you directly, so I would talk to her about it first.
No matter what the result is, if he decides that he isn’t comfortable being best man, IMO – this should have no weight on your decision to have her at your wedding.
Perhaps, and this is pure speculation; he accepted the best man position thinking he would have the opprotunity to get to know your FI better before the wedding, and now that he wasn’t able to spend time with him, he feels awkward about being a BM to someone he barely knows…..
Post # 5
Honestly this all sounds a bit petty, her BF being mad at you for cancelling a dinner date? I mean if he wants to get to know your FI you can still talk on skype or msn or google voice or all the other modern methods of long distance communication. I really dont see why he wants to step out of the wedding because of this.
Frankly I would just get a different Best Man or have no best man at all
Post # 6
Ditto everything @AnnieAAA: said
Post # 7
@bells: I would agree.
Keep in mind even though 4 months seems short to you right now, it’s really a long time and things can change. Right now you’re upset, you are going to need to let this blow over a little bit. Write her a letter, email or something if you don’t want to speak to her directly. Try not to get any other friends involved, sometimes that just fuels the fire. Cool down and then reapproach it.
Post # 8
I honestly don’t believe this is coming form her BF, he’s very easy going and friendly. and with it being them that offered, and when they offered they didn’t know that my FI was going to be able to come for another visit before the wedding, so they didn’t know if he would be able to talk to him in person beforehand. Another reason I think this is coming from her and not her BF is because the things she said that came from her BF are things she has been saying to me. What kind of suit should he wear etc, of which I had already told her 3 times! but she told our friend (I read the email) that her BF really needed to talk to my FI about what kind of suit he should wear. Are you kidding me? Her BF is a camo wearing country bumpkin (I mean that in the nicest way, I do like him) he doesn’t care about that crap! He will leave it up to her to find him a suit.
I would like to calm down and not be hurt by this, but I know me and it’s hard for me to trust in a friendshp again once i’ve been hurt by someone. I’m more upset that its upset my FI to be honest because he was happy when her BF offered.
Post # 9
as of this morning, my best friend and I have parted ways. Yes, over this. She stayed cold and wasn’t talking to me so I asked her this morning what was going on. It wasn’t pretty. And I still can’t believe she would throw away our friendship because of me not going to see her that day – I had no idea she could be so controlling and selfish. So i’m heartbroken but maybe in the long run its for the best.
Post # 10
Ooh, I’m sorry. 🙁 But like you said, if she is willing to do it over something like this, it probably is for the best. Good luck with everything, I hope things turn around!