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You need to tell your MOH to back off and let you deal with your sister. Your MOH's job is to be your support system not to try and fight your honor, while her intentions are good it's not going to help in the long run. Your sister is jealous of this girl (and of you it sounds like) so it's not going to be taken in anyway other than negatively. As for your sister, tell her fine if she doesn't want to come that's her choice. Don't give into her drama let it be and walk away she'll either get over it and come to the wedding or she won't it is what it is. You can choose to let the drama in or you can choose to keep it out that's really up to you.
Cricket summed it up pretty well. MOH needs to stay out of it, this is a family issue and MOH going after your sister just makes the situation more complicated. From your story it looks like she's just being a drama queen. Don't play into her theatrics and tell her that it would be unfortaunte for her not to come over something as petty as this. Hopefully she'll turn around and see how unreasonable she's being. If she doesn't, then you'll probably have to look for a new BM.
You need to work things out with your sister. It sounds to be like the she angry inside for whatever reason and working things out with her is what is MOST important right now. And tell your MOH to back off because it's none of her business.
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My sister has expressed that she is upset that I didn't ask her to my MOH, and that she is upset that I called my best friend (my MOH) first. She is also upset that I went dress shopping with just my MOH before I went shopping with her. The dress shopping wasn't planned--we were out shopping and just happened to end up a bridal shop. I found a dress I really liked. I set up an appointment to go back and invited my wedding party, FMIL and another good friend not in the BP. I asked each of them to pick out a dress for me to try on, and I told the associate which dress I knew I already liked. My sister refused to pick out a dress--she went off to look at flower girl dresses instead(her daughter will be my flower girl). The whole time we were there, she was moody and then sat there and had a fight with her boyrfirend over the phone.
I called her out on her attitude last night and she told me about being upset about those things, but also said she felt like i "replaced" her with my best friend. My sister is acting like I can't have a best friend and a sister. I told her so this morning, and that I had originally thought I would ask her to my Maid of Honor and my best friend to be my Matron of Honor, but her general disinterest in anything I had to say about my wedding, and attitude for the first few months after I got engaged, changed my mind. (SIde note: She had been dating a guy for about 2 months when I got engaged--though everytime I mentioned something about my wedding--she was respond with oh yeah, well my BF and I are going to do ... when we get married. This really hurt my feelings--as my Fiance and i have been together for over 10 years--and my wedding is something my sister and I have talked about for years--but it seems like once it became real she wanted no parts of it)
I told her that I for once wanted something to be about me, and what I wanted and that I didn't want to have to worry about stepping on everyones toes during the whole thing. To which she said that she would send my niece(FG) with my dad to the wedding, and that I didn't have to worry about her. Then she hung up on me.
My MOH didn't take to kindly to hearing about the things that were said to and about me and her and has confronted my sister. So now they are fighting as well. I am worried that even if my sister and I make up--that there will be tension between my sister and MOH. My wedding isn't for about 11 months--and ALL this drama has started already. I just don't know what to do.