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MOH...is she the one?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Is she the one?
    Yes : (4 votes)
    19 %
    No : (6 votes)
    29 %
    Wait and see : (11 votes)
    52 %
  •  
    1.
    Member Icon
    Member
    1 posts
    Wannabee
    JulieBug      

    Please Bees help! I haven't told any of my girlfriends b/c I don't want to start the rumor mill. A guy friend who isn't in the circle said I should consider finding a new MOH.... MOH...is she the one? :  wedding Icon Sad

      (Future/formerMOH) and I have been best friends since college. We're incredibly candid with one another  since we want what's best for one another. She finished graduate school last year and was starting on her own in a different state that I happen to live in. Her parents were adamantly against the move (far from home and close to FMOH boyfriend who they dislike) and cut her off financially. FH and I live in a 2bd pad and I offered her a room -- furnished with private bath for a few months to get her back on her feet--for free.

    The past few months that she was living with us, she would share about her new business that she was starting and there were some really bad directions her and her business partner were going in.. (no collateral, high overhead, expecting positive cash flow in less than 1yr) They're doing a elective/service business. Both don't have any prior biz experience. FI and I tried to talk to her about being realistic (starting smaller, cutting cost, low overhead) about the business given the current economy, she would say we didn't believe in her.  The worse part is that she doesn't even like the biz location and plans to move to another city when she's succesful so all her clients would then go to her business partner.

    She'd get into arguments with her parents and bf when she was at our place. FI and I started joking that she was acting like a surly teenage daughter. Anyway, two months ago, she announced that she'd move within the end of the week and since then we haven't talked. The only time we met since then was when her parents came down to visit and they invited my FI and I to dinner. It was for her birthday and we gave her a nice present. When I called her to wish her a happy birthday, she only replied "Oh, I forgot it was my birthday, I've been so busy with my business and stuff" MOH...is she the one? :  wedding Icon Eek

    She's also admitted to me that she's envious of FI and I--we're engaged and we bought a house together while she's been dating her BF for twice and long and they haven't settled down. She used to make fun of FI for being so clingy (he's like static cling) but since she's lived with us she's gotten mad at her BF for not wanting to always be by her side. 

     The wedding is next summer.  I just started planning this month. (Thank you weddingbee for such wonderful ideas! ) I've already told all my other BMs but not FMOH yet. We haven't talked for almost a month and half and we're usually a daily basis talker.  Our wedding is going to be pretty nice since we've saved up and parents are chipping in.  That might also bring up problems with FMOH since her financial situation is pretty bad---her BF is now paying for all her living expenses and FMOH hasn't worked.

    My question is what should I do about MOH? MOH...is she the one? :  wedding Icon Confused FI and I are really low key and the last thing we want is drama but I would hate if our friendship is broken over a wedding. MOH...is she the one? :  wedding Icon Sad

      

    Attachments

    1. MOH...is she the one? :  wedding Img Colleen_and_Brian-040.jpg (3068.7 KB, 122 downloads) 1 year old
    2. MOH...is she the one? :  wedding Img Colleen_and_Brian-087.jpg (1779.9 KB, 126 downloads) 1 year old
     
    2.
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    828 posts
    Busy bee
    Chela429    3/29/09   Long Island, NY

    Just have a talk with her.  Let her know that you love her and are happy to have her as a friend despite recent difference and disagreements.  Speak with her about what your vision is for the wedding and how you would like for her to be a part of that vision.  Ask her if she thinks she can do all that you  need for a MOH to do for you, and if she can't ask her what role she would like to have in your wedding so she can be a part of your special day without over extending herself and still be a part of your day. 

    My closest cousin/best friend was recently married and told me that she couldn't afford to be in the bridal party.  She will instead sing a song at the ceremony and will shadow me that day as I shadowed her onher day.  We were with each other and supportive to each other.

     Good luck either way!

    Attachments

    1. MOH...is she the one? :  wedding Img bubbles.jpg (24.8 KB, 28 downloads) 1 year old
     
    3.
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    438 posts
    Helper bee
    Shay    September 26, 2009   Connecticut

    I agree with Chela its important to just sit over lunch and talk. I would have her be apart of the wedding but I would not have her as my MOH only because of the recent events. Then again this is your decision.

     
    4.
    Hostess
    2,606 posts
    Sugar bee
    rosychicklet    September 27, 2008   Boston, MA

    She's obviously going through a lot of stressful stuff right now.

    Perhaps ask her to be a BM- then if things between you improve, you can ask her to be MOH.  If things don't improve, you can ask one of the other BMs to be MOH.  That way she's included, but you don't have to 'demote' her to BM.

     
    5.
    Member
    319 posts
    Helper bee
    Amber1279    09-12-09   Arizona

    You have time to wait it out and see what happenes with both her finances and your relationship with her.  Don't jump too fast into this.  I did and then things really fell apart between my friend and I to the point that she didn't even come to the wedding :(

     
    6.
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    403 posts
    Helper bee
    Yach    10/23/07   CT

    This is a tough one....we already know that she's jealous of your relationship.  Weddings usually brings out the "ugly" in the jealousy.  And money issues only aggravates the issue more.  It sounds like your gut instincts is telling you that she has the potential to create a lot of drama.  I'd be hesitant to make her the MOH, but maybe consider her to be BM.  Just be prepared to address BM dress money issues, makeup/hair, etc.

     
    7.
    Member
    1,272 posts
    Bumble bee
    caliocteach    8/9/2008   California

    I think you need to talk to her before you make any decision.  I made the mistake of picking my moh too soon and then didn't have the guts to change my mind.  I think that you might have to be willing to pay her way and pay for your own bachelorette and/or bridal shower if you pick her to be your moh.  Is this what you want?

    Attachments

    1. MOH...is she the one? :  wedding Img Jessika_McClintock_dress4.jpg (19.3 KB, 28 downloads) 1 year old
    2. MOH...is she the one? :  wedding Img Jessika_McClintock_dress1.jpg (17.6 KB, 28 downloads) 1 year old
     

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