Post # 1
So I have been trying to get a hold of my MOH for the past month so we can get together to go over some things that I could really use another girls opinion on. I know she is busy, she is getting married August 2010 and she also just got her first job as an RN. I try texting calling emailing. Every once in awhile I get an email or text back saying that she is trying to find some time but it doesn’t happen. I don’t know what to do? If I should be upset about it or not. I know there is a lot of time between now and June but I chose her as my MOH because we have grown up since we were 1yr old together. Through daycare all the way through High School and even though after High School we kind of had a falling out considering we both went seperate ways with schooling and careers we have always picked up where we left off on the phone and in person.
What can I do or say that wont hurt her that will help me too?!
Post # 3
I’d call/text/email her and say it seems that she’s really busy and offer your help. See if there’s anything you can do to make things a little easier on her. In reality there’s probably nothing and its not as if you’re not busy too but its better than just showing that you’re annoyed or upset. She won’t be defensive. Then, say you really value her opinion and want her to help you with something that’s important. If she doesn’t meet you half way from here, you may just have to ask if she’s just not able to be an MOH right now. If she’s spread too thin it may be too much so you could switch her and another friend maybe. It may bum you out but I think that’s what I’d do.
Post # 4
Perhaps you can talk to your mom and other bridesmaids to get some opinions on things too so that there isn’t as much pressure on your MOH. I understand that MOH have a lot of duties of their own, but maybe splitting these among the other girls too would help her be able to still be your MOH despite her hectic life (planning her own wedding to boot). Just a thought. 🙂 I know how special it would be for her to be able to be your MOH and I’m sure it would be for her too she probably just needs help keeping up.
Post # 5
If you want her opinion on things could you do some of that over email? I know with my busy friends that work weird hours sometimes it’s best to do things electronically so she can fit it into her schedule. Good luck! As a former MOH, I’m sure she’d welcome splitting some of her duties up with the BM.
Post # 6
Really I don’t think she’s done anything wrong. Your wedding is a little under a year from now and she’s busy settleing into her new job. Be patient with her. Besides as other pps mentioned ask other girls for their opinions until she can offer to help.
Please don’t remove her from MOH or even as BM. I had someone make another girl co-MOH the week of the wedding and I was crushed. They never even told me what was up I found out at the Rehearsal Dinner. It took everything I had to hold back the tears. I had helped this bride more then the MOH should. Spent $1000 on her bach party, spent hours putting together the OOT bags and wedding favors. Not to mention the 100s of dresses I helped her try-on. It totally ruined my night and the next day. I didn’t go to the after party for the RD and didn’t go with the other girls to get my nails done before the wedding. That’s how upset I was.
So please don’t do that to her if she means anything to you as a friend. You’ve already asked her to be the MOH and unless she does something truly wrong then don’t demote her.
Post # 7
Oh no, Vintage, that’s awful!! I would be so upset too! I went to my best friends wedding thinking I was standing behind the MOH and was put all the way in the back! I was totally crushed. And I know you’re not supposed to get upset about that b/c I was still a bmaid, but I’m sorry I was upset!!
Post # 8
I have never thought of removing her as my MOH, so that would be completely out of the question!
The thing is I have emailed her many ideas asking about input and I haven’t even heard back from her on small things like that. That’s all I’m really asking. I already told her from day one, I have all my other bridesmaids to help me with the big things and they have done an outstanding job, and I also understand her schedule. I just wish I would get some sort of response if she cannot attend things that we are all doing together. Just saying it won’t work, but i dont hear anything. So.
I appreciate all your input bees! I will definitley use your advice. It hasn’t gotten me down thus far, I just want to know where I need to go from here if she can’t committ a little.
Post # 9
So it finally happened. After she bought her dress and all, she stepped out of the wedding due to her own wedding and work stresses. Relieved? A little. Hurt? Yes.
It took 2 weeks of her ignoring me until i finally text her asking her what’s going on and if she is going ot be able to be apart of the day, she laid it out that she felt bad but wouldn’t be able to help with ANYTHING or even maybe not even be there for it. I said i didn’t need her help, but she said she could use the money from her BM dress for her own wedding dress. So I said that’s okay and took it in stride, at least she told me now rather than later. I’m happy we could work things out and make the day better for both of us!
So here is my dilemma, I know who i’m going to ask to be a BM, but how do i ask after I asked her to be my Personal Attendant, and also, how do I chose a MOH that yes I’m great friends with all my BM’s but they all know me the same!!!
background on my BM’s, 2 are teachers with my fiance and i met them through him one year ago and we have all 3 grown really close. The other is a cousin in which, I kind of felt forced to ask to be a bm since I have no sisters or family in it except her. And last but not least, my HS friend since 4th grade, however she up and moved out of state after graduation from HS in 04 and i have only seen once since then, but have kept in touch very well over the years and i actually flew out to spend a weekend with her this past summer.
The new BM that was my personal attendant that I wished I would have asked ot be a BM to begin with knkows my fiance very well and her and i have became very close over hte 6 months. She is my FSIL because she will be marrying my fiances brother 2 months after we get married. and has already helped me out a lot with the wedding and same with me helping her.
Phew, long story, sorry!! Any advice WELCOME!!